life notes

A Matriarch Gone

2012-01-22T22:57:00.000-08:00

Today I received very sad news. The mother of a childhood friend passed away. Normally this would be sad news that I could put on the shelf after passing on condolences. Parents die, it is part of life. If they aren't your own parents, you hurt for your friends as you think about the mortality of your own family. If you have already lost your parents you perhaps have more empathy and more insight and know what to say or do. But this woman was also a mother to me during the tender years from 5 to about 15. Those are some pretty important years and her guidance cannot be discounted because she wasn't my biological mother. She made her mark. She wasn't afraid to mother a child who wasn't her own.

Mary taught me lessons right along with her daughter, my bff in childhood.

I should let you know that Jenn and I were bosom buddies in the style of Anne and Diana of Anne of Green Gables. We were together all the time. I was usually at her house to escape the chaos of my own. We told each other all of our secrets. We created elaborate plays and had some pretty hot dance moves. We watched hours of Little House on the Prairie and watched the movie Annie at least 20 times. Her mother passed on to Jennifer the gory details of the birds and the bees and Jennifer of course passed this information on to me... otherwise I would have been in the dark. I learned about tampons from Mary, about how to soften your heels with a pumice stone and the importance of washing your dirty feet (because kids did not wear shoes in the summer back then... EVER) before you slipped them between your clean sheets.

Mary's house was a "door open" type of place. You peed with the door open or changed in front of others. This was in stark contrast to my puritan-like household where doors were closed and no information about personal body habits was ever shared. I model my own home after Mary's.

Oh, and pies. That woman could make some mean pies! There was always pie and tea. I remember Mary with her big mug of tea. Tea always makes me think of Mary. The woman also made her own jam and took her kids -- and me! -- berry picking so she could make her awesome jam.

There was an incident when I took one of Jenn's round hairbushes and it got all tangled up in my hair. The brush was not moving. Mary walked me out to the backyard sat me down in a chair and worked that thing out. I still look back on that day and I am amazed. She didn't call my mom -- a few blocks over -- she just took control like I was one of her own and got me all fixed up. She was like that. When I was in her house, she was responsible for me and she took that role seriously. I think about that all the time with my own kids. When they have friends over and play gets a bit rough and someone comes with a cut finger or they've lost a tooth (not an adult one thankfully) I take them and care for them like my own. I learned that from Mary.

Mary was a wonderful, loving mother and friend. I will forever be sorry that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Jenn and I went our separate ways around the college years. There was no falling out, just distance and I'm not good at all with distance relationships. I didn't put in the effort and lost touch. Through the magic of facebook Jenn and I got in touch again and I had the chance to meet her and her husband and beautiful daughter (there is now another pretty girl added to the mix). We trade notes on facebook, but it can't compare to real friendship. And now Mary is gone and I realize that my own inability to reach out to those not in my immediate vicinity has robbed me of so much.

My heart breaks for my friend who first lost her father a decade ago and now has lost her mom. I have lost something, too. It can't compare, but it feels like the fabric of my own history has been ripped.

I know that I was given a gift in Mary. I hope my own children can know that gift. That beyond their immediate family, there are others out there who care for their well-being. It is a really good feeling, I can tell you. It means so much.

Mary, thank you for being such a great second mom. I will always remember you and will continue to share stories of you with my children.

Anxiety has sucked the life out of me

2011-06-02T16:48:00.000-07:00

If your not one who suffers from high anxiety or panic attacks you might want to move on. No offense, but you just wouldn't understand. I try to picture myself as a normal person listening to my anxious self explain the situation and the eyes of the normal me just glaze over. Nope, no way to actually walk in the shoes of us panic-laden folks.

My anxiety level has been hovering at about 9 (out of 10) for the past 6 months. Normally it is at about 4, so that's a pretty big jump. Panic attacks 2-3 times a day and anxiety fills in the remaining 24 hours. Sleep is sporadic. Irrational thoughts invade every waking hour.

The crazy thing about panic attacks and high anxiety is when you are having it, you are hoping to god you don't die from the heart attack, stroke, brain tumor, car crash, terrorist action (fill in your own) at the moment. But when you emerge from the panic alive you should be thanking god that you survived, but in reality you can't help but think perhaps it would be better to end it all because you can't possibly live another 30 - 50 years like this. It's almost like, I'm just going to take care of it myself so at least I know it will happen.

We're moving out of here in a few days and NOTHING is done yet. I can't. The anxiety medicine is doing nothing, so I've moved to the totally faux pas of self-medication. Which, of course, puts me in that vicious circle. When you drink and you are an anxious person it does help you feel so much better. But it is not good for you. The next day your body revolts and you suffer even more anxiety. But you cannot stop. You drink again to stop that anxiety and so on and so on....

And then the depression sets in. You are a terrible person, parent, spouse, friend. You are despondent. This has been my life since I can remember. My anxiety didn't start in my teens or early adulthood. It has always been there. Panic attacks from the age of 5. The depression, I think, is a side-effect of the anxiety. You get nothing accomplished because of the anxiety so of course you feel depressed.

And this is my life. This will be my life as long as I have it. And sometimes I don't want to have it at all. But the two angels in my life keep me going. I wish they had a better mother -- one without a defective brain.

He's Seven Today

2009-12-23T07:53:00.000-08:00

The little boy is 7 today. I really can't believe it. Unfortunately, the boy is sick today -- came down with a fever yesterday and it has continued today. He's doing OK, though, happily working on the Lego set he received for his big day.
When I peek at him while he works -- he barely needs any help now -- I'm amazed that it's been 7 years since Lucas joined our family. Seven years ago my world changed forever.... for the better. I bonded with him pretty quickly and although we had a rough few months in the beginning, things smoothed out and he is such a wonderful boy. I'm so lucky to have a loving, thoughtful, smart and funny child. Yes, he does drive me bananas when he teases his sister or when he takes 20 minutes to put on his shoes, but mostly he just loves us and we love him right back.

Luc came in our room at about 5 this morning because he wasn't feeling well. He snuggled into our bed and I told him happy birthday. "Mommy," he said, "you are the best mommy in the world and I'm so lucky to have the best mommy."
No, Lucas, I'm lucky I get to be your mom.

Sickness and theft

2009-11-09T16:58:00.000-08:00

We've had a pretty shitty week here at the Crouse Haus. Last Wednesday I decided to take the kids to get their h1n1 flu shot. We waited in line for almost 2 hours and I was blown away by how great the kids were. They didn't fight and they just climbed on the railing or looked at books and didn't even ask once for a snack (although I did have some in my bag).
About 4 hours after we got home, Luc was running a temperature. Great! Now the mommy-guilt kicks in. Did I cause him to get sick by taking him to get his flu shot? What kind of mother am I? I lay awake a good part of the night going back and forth over my decision.
He was sick for 3 days and still has a bad cough. We thought Amanda was in the clear, but late Saturday she started complaining of a headache and when I felt her forehead, yes, she was warm.
As Lucas was on the mend, Amanda was heading downhill. She'll be home from school for at least another day... that means at least 4 days with only minimal time put in at work. Ack!!! Don't these kids know I have to save up for Christmas???
I took Amanda to the doc today and doc suspects she has croup. She's not positive for flu, so the kids didn't get anything from the vaccine -- at least I can put that guilt to bed. It was just circumstantial because a lot of shit is going around right now.

Well, thanks to all the running around I've been doing trying to keep the house disinfected and my own compromised immune system (been fighting a cough for a couple of weeks), I've been hit with whatever the kids have. I feel like crap and I am letting the kids take out whatever toys they want and leave everything lying around. I just don't have the energy to clean it up. Phil is going to have a big surprise when he gets home tonight:)

Oh... on to the car. That's a beautiful thing. I packed the kids in the car to drive Lucas and our carpool kids to school this morning when I noticed a police officer talking to my neighbor. I rolled down the window to find out what was wrong. It seems her car was broken into, as were several other neighbors cars. The rascals only hit unlocked cars and apparently just took items out of the vehicles and threw said items into the middle of the street.
"Oh," the police officer said, "and we're trying to find the owner of this inflatable bed..." and he pointed to an aerobed lying in the gutter. Shit! That was in my car. It is my brother's aerobed (Tom, it still works, I'll dust it off, but it is okay, I swear!). I don't lock my shitty van because who would want to steal it... and I don't have automatic locks. I have to lock my back hatch with a freakin' key! Anyway, I guess I'll be locking up from now on.
The officer said for me to check my car and make sure nothing was taken. At first glance, nothing was. I had just cleaned the car out the day before. But then my heart sunk. I had left my flip camera in a little compartment up front. I opened it and sure enough, the jerks took it. Damn them!!!! I loved that little camera and I kept it in the car for when the kids and I made an impromptu stop at the park or something.
Anyway, I chose not to report the stolen camera -- too much work for the police and they won't recover it. It didn't cost that much, but it's not in our budget to buy a new one. Phil is going to be really pissed when he gets home. Shit... and it's going to be all my fault for not locking the damn door.

Neighborhood smells and Questionable Children's Literature

2009-10-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

Phil was home late tonight and then headed for a jog, so I decided to take the kids on an evening bike ride. I put on their gear and added a few of those glow necklaces just to make sure they could be seen riding ahead of me. As I trailed behind them with the dog, I smelled something familiar -- Italian food! That's what we had for dinner and I stopped to pat myself on the back for successfully getting the kids to eat meatballs laced with pumpkin puree. We traveled on and more delicious smells permeated the air... was that taco seasoning I smelled coming from the house with the spooky Jack-O-Lanterns? Further down the block I heard the clearing of plates and determined that the family had just finished a nice dinner of BBQ ribs. One good thing about this recession... people are eating at home more and that makes my evening walks smell really great.

After returning home and getting the kids showered, Lucas and I settled down with more of his required reading -- Junie B. Before the boy could read, I might have thought this was a cute book that appealed to kids, but now it makes me squirm. I mean, the book is teaching really bad English. I don't have the best grammar or spelling skills, but I do know that "runned" and "getted" are not real words. The book is supposed to be in the voice of a kindergarten-age girl so, yes, that's how she may speak, but I don't want to confuse my new reader into thinking these words are real. It's just really annoying. Yes, I know Dr. Seuss has lots of words that aren't real words, but his words were completely made up -- of his imagination. Junie B.'s words are just real enough to confuse a kid. I can't wait until we're done with this book. On a good note, the boy is doing excellent with his reading. I'm constantly blown away by how well he is doing.

Gone

2009-09-05T19:24:00.001-07:00

You weren't even on my radar.
I heard the news and hoped for the best
Things always worked out
We're young, we aren't meant to go.
You had no one, or so I assumed.
A person can't go like that
I searched for you and could find no news.
Too sad
You can't go, you still have a life
You have much to give you have to grow
I knew you before we shaved our legs
You were cool as a cucumber
I heard the news today
I thought it can't be true
Where have you been
Where have I been
What have you been doing
I don't know
Your family now a floating vessel without an oar
Where will they drift
Not fair
Too young
My tears won't stop
For whom am I crying
Myself
My sisters
You were surrounded by love
Of course you were
Why did I think you wouldn't be
I thought that would keep you safe
If they surround you you are gone for sure
You are gone
You are gone
You are gone

Close Talkers and Eco Vegetarianism

2009-08-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

Did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld about the "close talker"?
While I was at the kids' swim lessons yesterday I saw close talking in action and it was so uncomfortable to watch. The close talker was totally unaware that he was invading someone's space. The conversation wasn't an argument... it was just one guy telling another guy a story about a car radio or something. Anyway, I wasn't listening to the particulars, but the close talker just kept standing right in front of the other guy and moving his face like 6 inches from his listener's face. The listener would then stand off to the side and try to gain some space. But the close talker kept on moving in. I couldn't believe it. How did this guy not realize that his actions were not normal? In fact, as he told the story (6 inches from another person's face) he was yelling. He wasn't yelling at the guy, he was just excited about the story.
Anyway, writing it down doesn't do the incident justice. It was too freakin crazy.

And now, dear reader, I have a question for you.
I've been slowly moving toward eco-vegetarianism (is that a word?). We've cut meat out of most of our meals -- yes, I did throw a bit of prosciutto in the dinner I made for the in-laws last week. If we go out, I know Phil will probably order meat, but for myself, I'm no longer doing it. I'm finding it easy and tasty to cook vegetarian. But my question has to do with if you are visiting someone and they serve a meat dish.
Now, I'm not switching to a no-meat diet because I don't like meat -- on the contrary, I do love a nice pork loin or steak every once-in-a-while and I'll miss that. So, if someone has prepared a steak, not knowing I don't eat it, is it OK to partake in the feast? I mean, the animal has already left its carbon footprint and I'm not encouraging the practice of raising animals for food because I didn't buy the stuff.
What would you do?

Veggin Out!

2009-07-28T20:22:00.000-07:00

I was a lacto-ovo vegetarian in my late teens and early twenties. If I admit it to myself, I probably did it to get attention. I didn't really have a strong feeling about killing animals other than I wouldn't hunt myself and the whole "environment thing" wasn't that big a movement 15 or so years ago. Anyway, by about age 22 I was again eating meat. I had men taking me to eat in fancy restaurants and they didn't want to see me order the pasta primavera every time. In any case, it didn't stick. Now I'm 35 and I know a lot more about the environment. I've voted for bills that require more humane treatment of animals and I try to purchase animal products that are organic or "free range". But that isn't cutting it anymore.

You know when it really hit me? I was driving up the 5 freeway with my hubby last week on our way to a fabulous "retreat" with friends. I can't remember where we were exactly, but it was somewhere north of Bakersfield -- anyway, we were driving and I suddenly saw a huge number of cows. Thousands of them standing in dirt. There were overhangs where they could go to keep cool, but not a speck of grass to be seen (so much for California's Happy Cows). We drove for what seemed like almost a mile and on my side of the car the cows just went on and on. In the distance I spied a bunch of outbuildings. The slaughterhouse I guessed. I don't know why, but that really got to me. Not just the eating an animal thing, I mean there are countless animals that are born only so that they can be food for other animals. But we are making more of these animals. And we are killing the environment as we do it.

After a weekend with friends and so much drinking, smoking, maryjane and guilty indulgences in paparazzi magazines, I felt I needed some good, wholesome food. Our meals for the past 3 nights have been vegetarian. And to my surprise, the kids liked everything and everything was easy to prepare and cost next to nothing.

I'm not saying that I'm going vegetarian because I don't want to eat my hat, but I'm going to make a big effort to try and stay away from meat. I have to go lacto-ovo, though, because my body can't stay away from eggs and cheese. But even if my family of four gives up meat, that will do something for the environment.

If you have any yummy recipes that are vegetarian and not too out there (I have two youngins) send them my way.
So far the kids love the pita pizza with goat cheese, artichokes and local tomatoes. We also love butternut squash and black bean stew and pretty much any kind of quiche.

Procrastination, tie dye and Annie

2009-07-09T17:28:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling so overwhelmed this summer. Overwhelmed with work and kids and projects that have overtaken our dining room table.
This afternoon I had a realization that it doesn't have to be like this. Yes, I still have kids and I still have a job (thank god!), but I don't have to take on all this extra junk.

A few weeks ago I came up with what I thought was a pretty good idea for something I could work on at night and hopefully bring some extra cash into the Crouse Haus. The only catch, however, is that the idea requires someone with crafty talents. I am seriously lacking in the crafty talent area, but I thought I could fake it.
I was talking to my mom about the project yesterday and I told her my concerns. Then she
told me about a documentary of Woody Allen she watched the other night. In it he said something to the effect of either you have it or you don't. This could be applied to many things like writing skills, acting, painting, comedy, music, etc....
I think it was sort of her way of telling me that I may not have "it". Not that I might not have "it" in some other area of my life, but this particular project might not be for me. Some other people might say, "well, gee, your mom is a bit harsh." But her telling me this little tidbit about Woody Allen might have actually set me free. It might save me from dumping money into a venture that will go no where. And this venture might actually just be an excuse for me to stop doing what I really want to do. The book I've been working on stalled, so I think "finding" this project was a way for me to avoid it. I know it won't come easy, but writing this book is something I know I can do, unlike decoupage.

Speaking of the crafty arts, the kids and I were in the backyard today doing tie dye. We've done one the past few summers. So, I went out and bought the kit from Joann's and we made a big mess. The kids had fun and now my fingers are totally stained because the gloves they include in the kit don't work for shit. I'm going to search online for some way to remove the dye from my fingers.

After work and tie dying was finished, I sat down to watch Annie with the kids. Now, this is probably the film I have watched the most times in my life (Breakfast Club comes in second and Friday, thanks to my husband, comes in 3rd). I saw the film opening weekend with my late grandmother at Grauman's Chinese theater -- then, my childhood friend, Jennifer, and I proceeded to watch it on video like 40 times. We LOVED the movie and the songs, but I don't ever remember getting choked up one time. Cut to tonight -- I watched it with my two children for the first time (they loved it!) and I got choked up more than once. When Daddy Warbucks is singing that little "Maybe" part, I was about to start sobbing. I don't think it was the fact that I was watching it with my own children and I was feeling sentimental... it was the grownup in me imagining what it must feel like watching a child you love walk out the door possibly forever. Damn! Anyway, I'm so stoked that my kids didn't think the movie too lame. You never know nowadays because there is so much crap offered to kids -- everything is non-stop action.

Today was good. Have a wonderful night!

Hey Summer! I'm So Over You!

2009-06-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

Yes folks, it hasn't quite been a week and the honeymoon period of summer has officially ended -- there was yelling today. We actually had a nice first few days of summer -- the days were filled with getting Amanda's used bike fixed up so it looks more like hers, birthday parties and riding bikes everywhere.
Yesterday was a really, really good day. The kids actually acted like they were friends with each other. I got some work done in the morning and then we rode bikes down to the park and had a picnic and just lounged in the sun for a few hours. They rode their bikes home and there wasn't one complaint about going uphill. In the afternoon they played and I did a bit more work and then they rode bikes outside in the evening. Perfect day.
Today was a different story. The fighting started as soon as they woke up. I knew I had to get a few hours of work in before we headed off to the free movie (free movies all summer!) and the kids were determined to put me in a foul mood. They succeeded. The afternoon was filled with fighting, tattling, and grubby fingermarks on the walls.

Camp starts in a week and I cannot wait. It will be good for the kids to get out for a few hours every day and I won't feel guilty about yelling at them while I try to fit in as much work as possible. The little nerds haven't heard that there is a recession going on and mommy needs to bring home some bacon.

Shiny, New Things and Last Day of Kindergarten

2009-06-11T21:21:00.000-07:00

My son is spoiled and I'm not sure what to do about it. I consider myself a nice person -- I try to always be courteous to others and I definitely have never made myself out to be better than someone else because I have more. So, I don't know where Lucas gets it except maybe it is because he is the first-born and he got a lot of attention for 2 years.
Anyway, he got a rad new bike last summer. It is a good bike -- shiny and red with yellow lightening bolts. He loves it and just learned to ride it with no training wheels.
We noticed last month that my daughter has outgrown her tricycle. I went on a mission to find a bike for her. Things are very tight around here, so I wanted to get a used bike. I looked on Craigslist for about a month when I finally scored a girls Trek bike for $40. It is pink and cute, but the seat needs to be replaced, as well as the basket. I picked the bike up yesterday and my daughter was so excited -- she's barely been off the thing since and she even wanted to sleep with it next to her bed. The first thing my son said when he saw it? "It's not shiny and new like mine. I got a new bike." What a little brat! I had a long talk with him but I feel like it went in one ear and out the other. Everything he gets is new. New clothes because he is the first boy cousin, new toys because he is our first child.... Amanda gets hand-me-down clothes from her cousins and used toys from her brother. She didn't seem bothered by the fact that her bike is used -- like I said, she loves it. But I am bothered by my son's attitude. I don't know where he picked it up. My husband and I try to set good examples with our own behavior.
I guess the answer might be to get all of his "stuff" (which we are trying to cut down on anyway) used.

But Lucas is 99% a really great kid. He is sweet and funny (so funny) and energetic and now he is no longer a Kindergartener. Today was his last day at his school with his most amazing teacher. I dropped him off and we had a small gift for Mrs. Smith. I got a big choked up when I went in to say hello to her and her eyes and nose were red already from all goodbyes she was saying. I wish every child could have a Mrs. Smith as their first teacher. I wish Lucas could have her again next year.
I went to pick Luc up a bit early because Mrs. Smith said we could come in anytime during the day. She was handing out scrapbooks she had made herself and I started crying again. Each book had pictures of the child over the year. There were examples of their work so parents could see the progress they had made. I can just picture her putting these together for each child and my heart grows.
We'll miss you Mrs. Smith and we are so grateful for all that you have taught our son.

Disappointment

2009-06-01T20:30:00.000-07:00

I think I've come a long way from my teen years. I am totally able to roll with disappointment. Can't make a lunch date... no problem, I understand. Don't have my favorite halibut sushi on the menu anymore... no biggie. No money for vacation this year... we'll have a "staycation". You get the idea. I don't get too upset when plans change or I don't get my way.
I wasn't always this way, and maybe having kids has something to do with it. They are ready to disappoint you from day one.

Oh... you thought nursing was going to be a breeze -- well, Mom, let me tell you, I'm going to make it much more difficult than you thought.
Yes, I know you read that book about making your own baby food and it's all organic and home-made and you spent hours in the kitchen... I'm still not going to eat it.

If I was my previous self, I would have taken to my bed for a week over the fact that my daughter never crawled. But something about having kids forces you to rethink how you deal when things just don't go your way. When you are pregnant for the first time, you have all these dreams about how the early years will be. And for the most part, reality doesn't match the dream -- at least it didn't for me. Those first years were wonderful and crazy and hard and I love my kids, but the reality definitely didn't mirror the dream -- except for the love part. I dreamed about tremendous love and reality far exceeded my dreams.

So why am I bringing all of this up now? Tonight an old friend was supposed to drop by for dinner. I haven't seen her in something like 14 years. She was one of my best friends in high school, but then, you know, someone moves 3000 miles away and after a few years it is easy to lose touch. We did. I found her again through facebook. Whoo-hoo. I've had some correspondence with her and then a few weeks ago she said she would be in town and wanted to come by for dinner.
I planned a yummy meal (beef bourguignon) and even picked up the house a bit. I didn't really care too much about the food, I just wanted to see my friend again. I wanted to give her a big, humungous hug. It's now 8:45 and she was to be here at 7. I fed my husband and poured myself a glass of a good Malbec. I now wish I hadn't opened it because I know I won't drink more than one glass. Anyway, I am disappointed and I know that there is a reason she couldn't make it. Stupid me didn't ask for her cell phone so I could call her and I can't call her home because it's like almost midnight there. My kids were sweet... they gave me hugs and said, "mommy, I'm sorry your friend couldn't come." They were comforting me because if one of their friends canceled on a play date, they would be a mess. But I'm not a mess. I'm not sad about the dinner that I didn't eat or the hors dourves that are sitting on the counter. I just wanted to reminisce. Anyway, I hope she is OK and that we'll have a chance to see each other some time.

So now, I'll finish my glass of Malbec and sit on the sofa with hubby.

New DG Post

2009-05-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

I added a new post to DemoGirl.com:
A Motley Group of Web Sites http://tr.im/mJJi

Vote

2009-05-19T11:15:00.001-07:00

Remember to Vote Today

Crouse Haus Checking In

2009-05-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

Shit it's been a long time since I posted something here. Nothing major going on around the Crouse Haus, just busy with every day life.

Mother's Day was absolutely perfect. I was woken up by Luc quite early because he wanted to see if the tooth fairy had stopped by our house. Amanda lost her first tooth on Saturday night (it shouldn't have been lost this early, but that's another story). Luc had his 3rd visit from the fairy on Thursday and he wanted to see what Amanda got. I was not in great form because Aunt Molz was staying for the weekend for a surprise to our mom. Needless to say, Molz and I drank a bit of wine and beer (and prepared food for our picnic the next day) and 5:45 on Sunday morning was a wee bit early for me. So, I told Luc to go back to sleep. He came in again around 6:15 and said he was starving, so I told him to go fix himself breakfast. He came back a few minutes later and said he fixed breakfast for me. He had poured about four pieces of Life cereal in a bowl with some milk. What a cutie. I turned on the tube for him and hit the bed again. I tried to get back to sleep but couldn't. But I couldn't get up either... Phil would kill me if he found me up early on Mother's Day. So, I faked sleep and waited for Phil to get up. He finally did and I heard him fiddling in the kitchen. I heard the coffee brewing and then the kids coming in with breakfast. Thank God! It was very sweet. A bagel and fried egg and a cup of coffee is my dream breakfast.
We quickly packed up a picnic lunch and headed out to a state park to meet the whole fam. It was awesome. All 6 of my siblings, all my nieces and nephews, my mom and dad were there. We ate, talked shit, hiked and took a bunch of pictures. Everyone stayed longer than I expected and I was very, very happy. Then, my mom wanted to take Molz and I out for a small bite for dinner (well... really wine) at the Four Seasons. La De Da! Phil took the kids home and us ladies had a nice evening drinking wine and eating fancy food.

I just love having my little sis here to visit and I always feel like something is missing when she's gone:(

We've been busy with t-ball and playdates and trying to pull weeds. I seriously freak out every time I walk into the yard. I could spend 8 hours a day for a week and still there would be weeds everywhere. My garden just seems to really be the best place for them to grow. I never had this problem in my old place... but I had a gardener back then. I think I might have to admit defeat and just get the really big suckers every once-in-a-while.

The book I've been working on is coming along. I go days where I really don't have any time at all to write and then I'll find a night where all the dishes and laundry are done and I can hunker down for an hour or two and really get some stuff done. I don't know if I'll be finished by the end of the year, but the progress I'm making is really helping me feel good about the project.

There is another project I don't feel so good about. One of my dear friends is pregnant and I decided I want to crochet a blanket for her first child. Problem is I don't know how to crochet (or knit) and I am the least crafty person I know. I bought some books and it seems like it should be easy, but I can't seem to get the knack. I have tons of projects laying around that just don't look right. I'm going to try this weekend to figure out what I'm doing wrong. If anyone out there knows how to crochet and can send a beginner a few tips on how to keep count of the stitches, I'd appreciate it.
Crouse Haus Out!

Waking up

2009-04-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

Lucas woke me up at about 6:45 yesterday morning. He handed me a note that he must have worked on while the rest of the household slept:

"I luve you mom and you are The best mom you are grateist mom in the world."

What an amazing way to wake up. Most of the time I find it hard to believe I'm worthy of such love -- but getting a note like this reminds me to keep trying really hard to do my best.

No TV and Homework Can Suck It

2009-04-23T19:44:00.000-07:00

When I picked Luc up from school on Monday he was a bit bummed. Apparently his teacher told the class that they could not watch t.v. or play video games for a week. I asked him why and he said he didn't know. There was no note sent home, so I didn't know what to think, but he didn't watch t.v. We don't watch much anyway.. they get about 45 minutes or so while I make dinner in the evening. He only plays video games occasionally with Phil on the weekends, so no big deal. Except, I was a bit annoyed that someone else was telling my kid that he couldn't do these things.
On Tuesday morning I asked the teacher what the deal was and she said it is national turn off the t.v. week -- so all the kids signed a pledge not to watch t.v. or play video games. That did bother me a bit. I think some of the kids might watch quite a bit of television and some go to a babysitter after school, and the t.v. is on all the time. I don't know, but I was bothered by the idea of my child signing a pledge I had not approved of. I know, it sounds like something stupid to be upset about, but it's the idea behind it. I think I should have had a note about it in advance.
Anyway, the t.v. has been off while the kids are awake since Monday. They don't seem to miss it.

I guess since the kids aren't supposed to be watching the t.v., the kindergarten teachers think that it is a good time to send home a ridiculous amount of homework -- and I mean ridiculous.
Monday wasn't so bad. We just had to create a cover for a book the kids were to write this week. Didn't take more than about 15 minutes, including the artwork time.
15 minutes is about what I would expect a Kindergartener should have for homework.
Tuesday night was t-ball practice so we had to do the homework before that. Assignment was to write the first part of the story (about one page) and then make a picture to go along with that.
These are kindergarteners, and for some (like my boy) writing is a very slow process. First Luc had to dictate the story to me. I wrote it out and then he copied what I wrote. I have to sit with him because he is only six and still needs to be reminded to put spaces between words and periods at the end of sentences.
Luc wasn't in the mood to do any of this because, for goodness sake, he had just gotten home from 5 hours of school. Wednesday the assignment was the same (for the 2nd part of book) and again, we had to do the work right away because of a school fundraiser at a restaurant for dinner and then a program at the high school Phil wanted to take the kids to.
Today, Luc had a friend over, so the homework waited until after our late dinner.
Here is my gripe... the assignment for Tues, Wed, and Thurs took at least 45 minutes each. 45 minutes for a 6 year old! I don't even think a 5th grader should have that much homework.

I was listening to Talk of the Nation on NPR yesterday and people were calling in with ideas for things that should be done away with. One woman called and said homework. I say amen. She is a single mom, who works and her kids are involved in sports, plus, duh, they like to read for recreation or just play. But there is no time for that with the loads of homework they have. After a long day of school for the kids and a long day of work for mom, instead of having quality family time, they have to struggle through hours of homework each night. I dread that because I know it is coming.

Perhaps we parents should boycott homework for the younger set.

Perfect

2009-04-19T20:03:00.000-07:00

As I type this, I'm sitting outside and it feels at least 78 degrees at 8 p.m. Yes, it was quite warm today, but now it is just perfect. And it's the perfect end to my birthday weekend. Yes, I turned 35 today and the one thing I asked for I received -- my kids got along for the entire day today.

Yesterday the grandparents Crouse headed up for a visit. We packed a picnic and headed out to the park for a couple of hours. After we came home, we sat on the back porch while the kids played in a couple of tubs of water I had filled up. Then we moved out to the front porch and set up some wine and snacks and we talked for a couple more hours while the kids played out front. They showed off their skills on their scooters and we held up signs with scores. They loved it.
Dinner was simple and we enjoyed a bit more wine.
This morning, Ray and Jeme cooked a big breakfast and we all stayed in our pjs until 10 a.m. Then we headed off to the toy store (after getting dressed) because the kids had a bit of pocket money from the grandparents. Amanda picked something out, but Lucas wisely decided to save his money for something special. Then it was off to meet my mom for lunch -- the kids were so freakin awesome in the restaurant. After we saw off G and G Crouse, Phil took the kids out for a bit and I got some writing done -- book had been on hold for a few weeks and it was nice to get into it again. Phil and the kids came home and we made some frozen pizza and watched a movie. Kids had a bath, we finished reading George's Marvelous Medicine and now Phil is tucking the kids into bed.
What an awesome weekend. The only thing on our list that we didn't do was hike up Tarantula hill, but it was so darn hot today that I'm not too broken up about it.
If this is a sign of what 35 has to offer, I'll take some more, please!

Mom

2009-04-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

For reasons I won't go into, I was having a very bad day today. I went over to my mom's to help her make some name tags for a reunion she is having soon -- she's on the planning commission and it sounds like it is going to be an awesome gathering.
So, the thing took me a bit longer than expected, but I was working while she entertained the kids. I then got a phone call with some unexpected bad news. I completely lost it. She got the kids set up with a movie and came in to talk to me about things. I was sobbing in front of the computer and she did the mom thing -- the thing I do for my 4 and 6 year olds. I'm 35 and she can still do it. It's amazing. The problem is still there, but Mom made me feel a bit better and helped me catch my breath so I can try and see what has to be done next.
My mom is awesome and I just hope that she knows how amazing she is.
The crazy thing that occurred to me just now, is that her mom is no longer here -- hasn't been for almost 30 years. Who does the mom thing for her? Must think on that....

Lucas Is Rad

2009-04-13T20:08:00.000-07:00

Lucas did one of the raddest things on Friday morning. We were just chillin because it was the first day of spring break. I got Lucas some breakfast and then I headed into the shower. We didn't wake Amanda up because she is a bear in the morning and we try to let her sleep as long as possible -- I guess she woke up while I was in the shower. I went to check on Lucas and he was preparing a bowl of cereal for his baby sister. It was about the sweetest thing ever. Then they sat down and chatted all throughout breakfast.
These moments are few and far between here at the Crouse Haus -- those two fight like cats and dogs, which is why I am writing this now. They were fighting like mad all day today and I need to remember something good.

Easter Is My New Christmas

2009-04-11T20:01:00.001-07:00

So, the Crouses are doing Easter this year. We didn't plan on it, but it just worked out that way. So, tomorrow we'll have about 18 adults and 11 kids at our place.
My mom took the kids overnight last night and all of today so I could start cooking and try to spiffy up the place. Thanks Mom!
I am loving Easter this year. I've made some good (I hope) food and some festive decorations. The kids baskets are all ready to go and the fridge is stocked with plenty of wine, beer and juice.
Everyone else will bring something to the table, I've filled tons of easter eggs for the hunt and printed out some coloring pages to keep the little ones busy.
That's it. Holiday done!
No worrying about what to buy everyone, no pine needles on the floor and no month-long Christmas songs on the radio.
It will just be a nice gathering of family for a warm So. Cal afternoon.
I wish this is how Christmas was. Something you throw together in the week before the holiday. Everyone brings a little something and no one gets stressed out or maxes out their credit card.

Happy Easter or Passover to all!

The Easter Bunny is for chumps

2009-04-07T21:04:00.001-07:00

So, I'm walking through the market with the kids today and Amanda is going on about what sort of candy the Easter Bunny might bring her. Lucas is quiet. A moment later he says, "Mommy, I know who the Easter Bunny is," I say, really? "Yes," he says. "The Easter Bunny is Y-O-U!".
I tried to keep a straight face and said something like, no, Luc, that's not true. My heart wasn't into making the lie even bigger and thankfully my son was distracted by some Lucky Charms in one of the aisles, so the conversation ended.
Well, it ended for him, but for me, the conversation has been replaying in my mind. As I thought about it, I was like, well, shit, what do you expect when you try to convince a kid that some magical bunny comes and brings a basket full of candy? There's no back story to support it, like there is for Santa. Santa lives somewhere, he is married and has employees. He gets around with flying reindeer. He spreads a message to be good.
What does the Easter Bunny have? Man, I don't know and I never thought about it. I can't believe I was such a dumb child that I believed this junk until I was like 7 or 8. Luc is 6 and he's got it all figured out -- and I'd bet he figured it out on his own because if one of his mates told him, he would be saying, "so and so said there is no Easter Bunny, is this true?"
Part of it may be that we live in a much more diverse culture than I did. And I don't just mean color. I went to a Catholic school, so of course, all of the kids that went to school with me believed in the Easter Bunny. But we talk a lot around here about how we are Catholic but there are lots of people who believe different things and that is okay.
Anyway, I think I might stock Luc's basket extra full this year just because he has figured it all out.

I guess this will be an all Luc post. The kid has turned into a speller instead of a talker. Normally, the kid can talk your ear off. He approaches strangers to say hello and ask lots of questions. Yes, he's going to be the guy behind you in the supermarket who just starts talking to you or asks why you have a pregnancy test in your grocery cart.
Anyway, lately his talking has slowed and it has turned into spelling. Everything is spelled out now. I'll call his name and I'll get W-H-A-T? I'll ask him if he wants green beans or corn and he'll say, C-O-R-N. Luc, do you have to go potty... Y-E-S.
You get the picture. Gone are the days when Phil and I could get away with spelling out what we didn't want the kids to hear.

Middle age is upon me

2009-04-03T22:27:00.000-07:00

I'm staring down middle age right now. I'll hit the big 3-5 in a couple of weeks and it's freakin me out a bit.
The weirdest thing is that people that used to seem sooooo old to me are no longer so old.
A few crushes of mine from my jr. high school days... they seemed so old and wise at the time. Now, looking at their ages, they were just wee babes when I was admiring them.

John Mellencamp -- 58
Prince -- 51
Jon Bon Jovi -- 47
James Hetfield from Metallica -- 45
Johnny Depp -- 45
Bono -- 48
Bret Michael - 46

Holy shit, Bono is only 13 years older than me!!! WTF?
Prince! I remember listening to "When Doves Cry" when I was like 9 or 10 and thinking he was awesome and some way older dude. He's only like 16 years older than me.
Bret Michael... Man, I had this guys face plastered all over my pre-teen (ok, early teen) room.
Now, when you are 10, someone who is 26 seems ages older than you. But when you are almost 35, it doesn't seem like such a big difference. After you hit your mid-twenties, time seems to speed up and you can actually picture yourself as a 40 year old.

I'm getting old folks, and I don't know if I like it. I want my teen crushes to remain a lifetime older than I.

Dinner in a pinch

2009-03-31T21:34:00.000-07:00

What do you do if your mom calls at noon and invites herself and your aunt over for dinner?
You don't have much on hand -- too busy to grocery shop lately -- you've promised your kids a trip to the park and then there is t-ball practice at 5 p.m. You won't be home until 6 and the idea of whipping something up at 6:30 to be eaten after 7, while the kids claw at you crying about how hungry they are isn't something you want to deal with right now.
I have a big box of risotto that is in the pantry, so I figured I'd google to see if I can put that in the crockpot. Bingo!
Here it is, the easiest supper that will gain you tons of applause..
1.25 cups uncooked risotto
1/4 cup olive oil
1/2 onion chopped
3 cloves garlic chopped
3.75 cups vegetable broth
salt and pepper
1 cup canned pumpkin
Put all that in the crockpot on high for about 2 hours.
Then, give it a stir and add about 1/2 cup fresh parm. Cook another 20 minutes or so.

So, we went to the park and played. Stopped at the market for some frozen garlic bread and a bagged salad. Came home and put all of the dinner stuff in the crockpot. Kids watched an episode of spongebob while I madly tried to straighten up a bit. Hit the restroom and headed out to t-ball practice. Got home about 6:10. Kids played and I threw in the garlic bread, tossed the salad and put out some cheese and crackers. Mom and Aunt Mo arrived right at 6:30.
Dinner was super yummy. Now, they could have been pulling my leg because they gave me such short notice and didn't expect much, but I actually thought it was tasty. So, give it a try. You probably have almost everything sitting in your kitchen.
Mom brought dessert and a bottle of wine.

It was so nice to get another visit with Aunt Mo. She goes back to Maryland on Thursday, so this was my last chance to see her this year. She's 86 now, so we don't know how much longer travel will be in the cards -- which is why it wasn't really out of line for Mom to push to invite them to dinner. Normally I would have invited them, but we saw them for a party a week ago and they've been "booked' ever since. I've been so busy that I didn't really think about it. I'm glad it worked out.

Vanilla cone

2009-03-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

A while back I mentioned a lovely new frozen yogurt shop that opened up -- Golden Spoon. It is less than half a mile from our house and they serve up delicious frozen yogurt that contains very few calories. I'm always looking for ways to have a treat without adding pounds, so I was excited. Except, there is a nagging little voice in my head that tells me there must be something bad lurking in there to make it taste so good. If this had been a few years ago, I might have been visiting Golden Spoon every Friday with the kids, but at like $3/person, we haven't made it a regular thing.

Tonight, I was looking to get the kids out after dinner for a little treat because they've been really good today. I was prepared to drop at least $9 for dessert when Amanda chimed in that she wanted McDonald's ice cream. Give the girl what she wants. Luc, Amanda and I headed up to McD's and I slapped down $3.19 for three generous-sized vanilla cones -- the soft served ones with the swirls... you know, old school!
I forgot how fun it is to go hang out at a fast food place just for dessert. The kids enjoyed racing to see who could finish first (Luc won) and who could get the messiest (Amanda won). All this for about $3 -- I think we might be back.

Evolution for a 6 year old

2009-03-29T20:30:00.001-07:00

I didn't think I'd be here this soon. I haven't boned up on my science and the origins of life on Earth enough to be confident I'm not misinforming my son.
We are raising our children Catholic, so of course they know that God created life and earth and all that, but we also believe in evolution and the big bang... it's just that God caused those events to take place.
Until now, Luc has been fine with the basics... God made us and made the Universe. After brushing his teeth tonight, Luc turned to me and asked, "Mommy, did an egg just come from outerspace and then it was there and so then there were chickens, or what?" And I ask, "do you mean, what came first, the chicken or the egg?" "Yes, did a chicken just come here and then start laying eggs or did an egg come here first?"
So, my non scienctific self started to describe how there were other animals here first and that eventually an egg was hatched that was the first chicken. Then he started asking, well, how did all those other animals come to be. I tried my best to mold some answer like life started as just a bunch of tiny, tiny animals and they changed over millions of years, becoming dinosaurs and then those animals died and then new ones evolved. He seemed to accept my answer. But now I really think I need to get to the library to find a book to describe evolution on a kindergarten level. I know for sure that I didn't have those kinds of questions until I was much, much older. I accepted the fact that God created the earth in a week and man was created on the 6th day. I didn't even question where the dinosaurs -- or chickens -- came into the equation.

The economy may be tanking but you can't stop spring

2009-03-18T20:11:00.000-07:00

Just in time to boost our lagging spirits, spring has sprung around here. Walking around the neighborhood with Lucas this evening, the air smelled beautiful. Jasmine, orange blossoms, roses -- they are all popping and their scents mingle and just add a sweet scent wherever you go.
Luc and I popped a bunch of bulbs and some gerber daisies in the ground today. It felt good to dig in the dirt, play with a few earthworms and sprinkle our new charges with some water.

Hope you are looking forward to spring as much as I am.

Last time I checked I lived in California

2009-03-07T19:00:00.000-08:00

We were at Target today shopping for a birthday present for one of Luc's pals. As we perused the aisles of crappy toys, we came upon an odd one. It was a firefly catcher -- a jar that says it gives off a light that attracts fireflies. They enter the jar and can't get out, until you release them.

The thing that strikes me as odd is that this was at a Target here in good 'ole So. Cal. If I have my facts straight, we don't have fireflies this far west.

Weird.

Go get punched!

2009-03-06T10:50:00.000-08:00

"Go over there and get punched!"
That was a phrase spoken to hundreds of elementary school kids at my son's school today. Why do these kids need to get punched? No, they aren't bad kids... they were running in the jog-a-thon and some of us volunteers had to punch their cards as they ran laps.
I just couldn't get over how funny this phrase sounded.

Anyway, it was a lot of fun to see these kids run, run, run. Some were so determined, you would think they were running the L.A. Marathon. Good job Cubs!

Prop 8 ramblings

2009-03-05T20:54:00.000-08:00

It's baaaaack!!!!!
Yes, prop 8 is back in the news here in California because the opponents have taken their issue to the California Supreme Court.
I have mixed feelings and I am glad to read that the justices do, too. I am an opponent of Prop 8, as you can see from some of my previous posts. I won't go into it all and get all frothy at the mouth, but let's just say that I'm disappointed in the voters of California.
So, Maureen, why the mixed feelings?
Well, the voters who turned out did vote for this thing and should we expect that the court should just easily overturn the will of the people? I know I wouldn't want them to if it was an issue I supported. I want them to seriously take their time and debate what it will mean for our state if the court can just come in and overturn an amendment.
Now, don't get me wrong, I do not agree with prop 8 in any way, shape or form. I voted against it and argued with numerous people about it.

So, we have the will of the voters, but then that brings up another point. 7 million people voted for prop 8 in California. That is hardly a majority of the population. California's population stands at about 36 million... so you are talking about 1/5 of the population. Now, granted, some of the 36 million are minors, but, still, 7 million does not a majority make. So, I guess I should direct my anger at the people who didn't get out and vote. Where were you to put this proposition in it's place? Now we have to hear the arguments of people telling the court that the majority of voters voted for this amendment... but how do I know it is what the majority really wants?

I'll be watching this closely, because while I would be happy to see prop 8 go away, I'm not entirely sure it is something that should be determined by our courts.

Tommy Shaw, t-ball and tomatoes

2009-02-28T21:53:00.000-08:00

Last night was awesome! I went with my brother and the Andersons to a benefit concert for the Las Virgenes schools. The band Venice (an old fav) was hosting the thing, and they were joined by Tommy Shaw, Michael McDonald, Christopher Cross and the Agoura High Band, Calabasas Choir and Brass band. The music was awesome and it was just so nice to see these rock stars come and give their time to raise money for the arts in schools. But beyond that, I got to see Tommy Shaw again. That guy is a rock 'n roll star. You can see musicians and they are great -- doing something you can't do... something you enjoy. But when someone has that "star" presence, it is so great. Tommy Shaw has it. He gets out there with his guitar, his long hair and the guy is in his mid 50's! It is just so fun to see someone doing something that they love and doing it so well. And then they had a couple of the girls from the Calabasas choir doing songs with Michael McDonald and the other musicians and it was awesome... these 16 year olds out there on stage with these musicians and you're thinking, that is amazing... this is something they will carry in their pocket with them for years.
It was just great time.

Today was the opening day for t-ball. Luc is on the Phillies this year and he is doing so much better than last year. It's not like we put any pressure on him, but we do like to see him do well. Phil has been working with him for a few weeks, and all of his skills are improving. He has a couple of buddies on the team with him, and I think that makes it more enjoyable -- it is also more enjoyable for us, since we know some of the parents this year. The offense was great... on defense, there is still a lot of Luc sitting down in the field, putting his hat in front of his face or turning away from the batter to stare down the runner at third. I was constantly yelling "Lucas, stand up!" The kid is a bundle of energy... he never stops moving, so to ask him to stand in the field where there isn't a lot of action is just asking for trouble:) It is all fun, though.

The tomatoes and lettuces have sprouted! Last weekend Amanda and I went and purchased many seeds and a little greenhouse kit (like $6) where you can start your seeds. We started the tomatoes and romaine lettuce. Today as we were working in the garden, I lifted the top and spied a few sprouts. I'm so excited. Phil built my veggie bed last weekend, and plants will be ready to go in the ground in a few weeks. Next will be the cucumber, watermelon, canteloupe and pumpkins. I'm also going to do strawberries and spaghetti squash. This is the first year, so I know there will be trial and error. If I can just get a few edible items, I'll be happy. We decided to do seeds because they are cheap -- better to be out $2 rather than $7 or $8 . And with that $2, you have the potential for many, many plants, whereas the $7 will only get you one plant and if you screw it up... "That's all folks."

Tomorrow we're looking to go on a hike with the kids and the dog and do a bit more yard work. I have some more weeds to pull in the front and then next week we're going to plant an orange tree in the front yard.

Busy, busy, busy... haven't even finished cleaning the mold from the kids' other room. It is taking so long and I know there must be an easier way, I just haven't found it.

Easy supper

2009-02-25T19:32:00.001-08:00

You take a spaghetti squash, cut it in half, nuke it seed side down in a half inch or so of water for about 9 minutes (that's my micro). While that is cooking, brown some ground beef or ground turkey. Mix in a small jar of pasta sauce with meat -- I like the small jar from Trader Joe's just enough sauce in there. When squash is done, scoop out the seeds. Then scrape the insides so the "meat" comes out like spaghetti. Put half of squash in bottom of casserole dish (spray it first). Top with half of meat mixture, then half a container of cottage cheese, 1/2 cup mozz. cheese. Repeat those layers and then top with a bit of parm. Plop it in a 350 degree oven for about 15 minutes.
Dinner is done. You've got your veggies and your protein in one dish. Add some bread and fresh fruit and the kids are happy.

This fed our family of four, plus, a bit for the dog and enough leftovers for Phil or I tomorrow.

Next time I make spaghetti squash I'm going to take the seeds out before I cook it and plant them. This squash can get a bit pricey -- mine tonight was over $5. But if I grow it myself, then this dinner would be even cheaper. I'm going to experiment with ways to make it meatless. Trying to think of what else could go in there that isn't too fatty (the cheese is enough) but is filling.

Depression

2009-02-24T16:42:00.001-08:00

When it hits, it hits like a ton of bricks.
Came out of left field this time... been doing well for months, despite some stress in everyday life.
Need to get out and exercise or set aside some time for meditation, but there doesn't seem to be any time.
Kids, work, still have room with no carpet and the floors in there need to be cleaned. Garden planning began last weekend, but now I'm feeling overwhelmed. Things are tight, just like they are for everyone. Just spoke to a woman yesterday whose husband has been laid off for 3 months -- he was the sole income earner. She doesn't seem too stressed at all. Felt like slapping myself for even thinking about complaining.
Hope I can come out of the funk soon.

overheard

2009-02-23T20:22:00.000-08:00

"Ha, ha, Amanda. Your balloon doesn't float anymore."

"Lucas, I'm... I'm going to slap you in the face tomorrow!"

I'm interested to see what happens tomorrow:)

Vagina monologues and we are rich

2009-02-17T22:01:00.000-08:00

I typed up a whole post that was really quite funny and wasn't pornographic in any way -- despite the title of this post. But I just deleted it because I remembered that this is a public blog. I don't think there are many readers out there and the readers I do have, I know and wouldn't be freaked out by. But who knows who else might be reading that I don't know. So, if you know me, email me and I'll tell you the story. Maybe it isn't even funny unless it happened to you.

Anyway, today I got some good work done. The kids made it to school, even though they are still hacking something awful. I think a call to the doc might be in order tomorrow. Also, I have to make a call to the vet because our dog seems to be scratching her ears something fierce. Lordy!
We had some good friends to dinner last night and as I was cooking up a storm, the roof started to leak. Lordy! Phil and Jake headed up to the roof and put a tarp up. A temporary fix, but one that will have to do for a bit. I know I have it really good, which is what keeps me from freaking out too bad, what with the mold and the leaky roof. My mom will call and say, "I can't believe you aren't loosing your mind!!!" Great pep talk, Mom! But I can't lose my mind. I have roof over my head (a leaky roof, but a roof), good food on the table, smart, beautiful children, a patient, loving husband and more than one pair of shoes. We have a car, a dog and a fish. The boy has a bike and both kids have scooters. We have cable tv, and a dvd player. We have an awesome public library, internet access, two jobs and some of the best friends a body could ask for. We have wonderful parents, even though we might poke fun at them sometimes. We are rich.

2009-02-15T20:25:00.001-08:00

May I vent? Of course I may... this is my blog and all I seem to use it for is venting. I'm sorry for you all, but it helps me so that I don't go pouting about the house. We have enough pouting from the kids, I don't need to add to the problem.

My nightmare began late last week when I discovered mold in many rooms of our house. No problem, I can tackle it just fine. I forgot that I have kids. I could easily have tackled this problem on the three day weekend if I was on my own, but with the little ones demanding attention and food throughout the day, it doesn't leave much time for actual work.
I decided to put things off a bit. We moved a little bit of furniture yesterday and then we just hung about the house and played. In the evening we decided we would take advantage of the Time Warner 1 cent movie and order dinner. The kids decided on the Pink Panther with Steve Martin. They were very excited and we all settled with our dinner at a little portable table. Holy smokes, the movie doesn't work. Did I pay my bill? Yes. It seems they were having technical difficulties but were working the problem. The kids were mighty disappointed, but I told them we could watch the movie the next day (today). We settled on a video and had a nice Valentine's dinner.
Today I woke up ready to tackle the carpet, after I made pancakes and tried again to watch a 1 cent movie. Again, no dice from Time Warner (they suck!). Anyway, after everyone was fed I began to move the rest of the furniture and toys from the kids' room. The furniture and toys are placed all throughout our very humble abode. I pulled up the carpet rather quickly, but, as I recalled from the last time I did this, the carpet tack strip is a biotch! As I tackled that, the kids decided to destroy the house. I do not jest. There were toys and dress up clothes, kick-boards, mcdonald's toys... everything you could imagine strewn about the house. Actually I shouldn't use the word "were" because everything is still in disarray. I did manage to finish removing the tack strip. After I finish my beer and this note I'll move on to cleaning the mold off the floor. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll have to bleach the floor yet again, wait for it to dry and then sweep up.
As I was in the room, I noticed that the walls look very dingy. I'm thinking I should paint while I'm at it. Phil will absolutely freak if I mention this to him -- if you know my husband, you know what I'm talking about. But it's not as if I ask him to help (though he does try), he just doesn't like the disorder.

The nightmare won't end for many, many weeks. I'm going to have to pull up all the carpet. And that's not all. I have a garden to attend to. The weeds are beginning to threaten my children.

But it's not all bad. We escaped for a bit this afternoon for a bite to eat and a trip to the park. We then headed over to visit some friends for a bit and we invited them for dinner tomorrow. Aack! What was I thinking??? I now have to clean my house, something that this mold problem has stopped me from doing. And don't get me started on the laundry....

Hope you had a nice Valentine's day!

Dogs and Mold Part Deux

2009-02-12T19:28:00.001-08:00

Dogs are so funny. Say you throw your dog a ball -- it is facing you when you throw it and then it quickly turns to run, not seeing that there is a chair right in the path it plans to take to get to the ball. The dog runs into the chair, quickly corrects itself and goes to retrieve the ball. It's a beautiful thing. There is no self-consciousness there, no need to make some self-deprecating comment. No, they just make the mistake and move on, never looking back. I think I need to take some lessons from my dog.

On to the mold. My son has been fighting a cough for more than 2 months now. We all got a bad cold right before Christmas and it took all of us quite a while to get rid of the lingering cough. We felt fine, but at night we couldn't stop coughing. Anyway, my son is still having problems. The doc doesn't hear anything in his lungs. Last night I mentioned it to my mom and she asked if I thought there could be mold elsewhere in the house.
You may have read about my mold problem last year here. At the time, I pulled up the carpet in a few other areas of the house and it seemed OK. Well, I guess I wasn't looking hard enough, or maybe I didn't want to find any. Today I found more. A lot more. It is all through the room my kids now sleep in, in the master bedroom, in the family room and part of the living room. It doesn't seem to have spread to the hallway. Now, I didn't tear up all the carpet, but the mold seems to be only against walls with windows. Most of those walls are near areas where we have sprinklers for our outside vegetation. I was freaking out earlier today and wanted to tear it all up right away and start cleaning. My mom said to hold off because I have to go about it the right way in order to make sure the mold spores don't get into the air more than they already are. I did some research and it seems like it is going to be a hell of a job. We'll have to seal off each area where we are working and then wear masks. We'll have to do one room at a time. I didn't do this in the playroom because, well, what the hell do I know about mold?
I gave the news to my husband this afternoon and he was quite upset. His main concern seemed to be that we can't afford to put in any flooring right now. I told him fine, we'll live on concrete floors for a year or two. In my head, that is what I figured we would do. But he made some comment about how I'll be upset about that and it will start to bother me before too long. I got really peeved with him about his comment and we had a little tiff. But after I had some time alone, I realized I was probably mad because I know he is right. I do let stupid stuff like, what my house looks like, get to me. I'm working on it and I think I'm getting better. I hope I am. Anyway, in the coming weeks, we'll be pulling up carpet and cleaning concrete. The playroom was quite a task, so to do the rest of the house is going to suck. We'll live with concrete floors for a while but that's fine. I'll get a few rugs and hopefully that will spruce things up a bit.
But I know I'm going to have dreams of moldy aliens invading my house.

Going against my nature

2009-02-11T19:49:00.000-08:00

So, I'm totally going against my nature right now and typing this as dinner dishes sit in the sink. I usually have a rule that I clean up the kitchen as Phil puts the kids to bed, so that the task is done before I sit down to the laundry list of things I have to do. Not that I have to do this, but after a day home with a sick kid, I need a little fun.

Not too much work has gotten accomplished this week. First, I lost a day with Luc coming home early on Monday and then today was shot because Amanda was home sick. The house is wrecked and the dress I had been working on for Amanda to wear on Valentine's day is still only 1/2 finished. I don't see how I'm going to finish it, since I still have to put a zipper in and I haven't done a zipper before. The kids will be home Friday because the school district likes to give them a gift of a four-day weekend. Too bad all the moms and dads then have to use up precious vacation time to stay home. And with the economy all shot, I'm sure there will lots of staycations this President's day weekend. We decided to scratch the trip to Vail:)

I did manage to make dinner at home again and the kids are liking everything lately. In the past, we have eaten out about 2 meals a week. Usually we do pizza one night and then eat one lunch out on the weekend. Like everyone else, we are cutting back and have managed to eat out only once in the past 2 weeks. But, of course that means more work for the home cooks and cleaners. Not only do you have to cook your own food, but you don't get the luxury of coming home to a clean kitchen after having eaten out.
Anyway, I love to cook, so that isn't the problem. The problem is coming up with new and exciting (and somewhat healthy) meals that the kids will eat. Like I said, they are good eaters, but I haven't given them anything too adventurous because their wee little tastebuds aren't fully formed. Tonight we had quiche with a potato crust. It had broccoli and corn and a bit of bacon, just for fun. Last night was fettuccini alfredo with soybeans, before that we did a stew and there have been quite a few nights of spaghetti. I want to do less meat these days, but the kids don't go for fish. I didn't either when I was their age.
I'm not the kind of person who likes to repeat a dish more than once every few weeks, so that is where the problem is. I guess it is my problem, though, because Phil and the kids would eat a handful of things over and over again. But I'm the one in the kitchen and I don't want it to be boring. Any ideas for good meatless dishes out there? If so, send them my way!

Long day and haters

2009-02-09T20:13:00.000-08:00

I'm grabbing a few minutes while Phil puts the kids down. He got home rather late, so we both had long days. He just finished a joke with the kids. Each person says the next number before the noun "the sandbox". He starts, "I one the sandbox" Luc.. I two the sandbox, amanda, I three the sandbox and on until Luc got to I eight the sandbox. The room filled with laughter. Not just a giggle, which is what escaped me as I listened, but eyes watering laughter. Oh kids, sometimes they are so simple.

I was digging into work when I got a call at 9:30 this morning. It was Luc's school. Apparently he got into an altercation with a doorknob (although it's more of a handle than a knob) and had a cut and swollen eye. The poor lad couldn't keep his eye open too well, so I decided I had to take the day off and take him home. It's been raining here for days and I must admit that I was happy to see the two kids off to school this morning, not just so I could get work done, but also so they could be stimulated and I could get some peace. Instead, Luc and I spent money we don't have at the bookstore -- it was fun. We then ate lunch, picked up Amanda, came home and played (well, they fought a lot), made brownies, ate brownies, delivered brownies to some neighbors and a cousin, came home and watched spongebob (they watched, I made dinner), and then read books until Phil came home about 7. Doesn't sound too taxing, does it. It wouldn't be if they little rugrats could keep from fighting. I guess it is a blessing in disguise. On days where the planets align correctly and they get along fabulously, I totally enjoy it more than I think I would if it were an everyday occurance. I just have to keep telling myself that.

On to the hate -- my hate and other people's hate.
We drove over to my brother's house today to drop off some brownies and pick up my camera charger, which I had left there on Superbowl Sunday. Whilst we were there, my bro's neighbor dropped by. Now, this guy is a nice enough fellow. He's very helpful in the neighborhood and even came by my place one day to fix a broken fence that had confounded Phil and I. However, he and I are completely opposite when it comes to politics. The thing about him, though, is that he is quite insulting to anyone who doesn't think the same way he does. Today he was talking about Obama's town hall meeting. Now, I didn't see it, so I couldn't comment, but he starts talking about how Obama held the meeting in a place where the people are all lazy good for nothings who should die. I asked him what he meant, and he said that they were union workers and all union workers would be better off dead, or something like that. Then he went on to say that anyone who believes in unions is stupid and also better off dead.
I didn't have time to debate him, because I was headed out the door, but I was aghast.
OK, if you don't think unions are good, that is fine. I'm not sure exactly how I feel, I guess it depends on the day and the situation. But to call people lazy because they belong to a union is just crazy. I'm sure most of those people are as hardworking as anyone and maybe even more.
But all this isn't what got me. It was him wishing these people dead. I have a big problem with people who wish others dead for no good reason. I don't know why, but it sits really bad with me, even if it is in jest. I just don't like it. My husband is totally guilty of this and he knows it pisses me off, which is probably why he does it. We'll see an add for an Adam Sandler movie and he'll say something like, "I wish that guy was dead." Or something about Oprah, and he'll say, she just needs to die. Now, why? If I don't like someone, I don't wish them ill, and certainly not dead. Is this a common thing? Am I in the minority by not wishing everyone who I don't like -- and mostly people I don't even know -- dead?
The problem I think is that our world is already filled with hate, I don't want to speak hatefully even in jest. I want us to be better than that.

Things

2009-02-05T22:45:00.000-08:00

I've been reworking some things in my book. I'm up to 3200 words tonight and only half of it is shit, so that is really, really good. I either write 4000 words of crap or 200 words of the good stuff. so, 1600 words of stuff that may stay in the book is a banner night!!!

Tonight was science night at Lucas' school. It was pretty cool. They had this group come in and they had all these awesome experiments set up for the kids to get involved in. It was a totally hands on (and free) experience. Both of the kids loved it. Lucas was so into making molecules -- they had this cool book that had pictures of the molecules and then tools to make them -- and one of the science dudes (I didn't ask if he was a scientist, but he was wearing a lab coat, glasses and seemed very nerdy) was marveling at Lucas' level of concentration and success at copying the molecules pictured. They kids also played with some funky solid/liquid substance. I can't describe this stuff, but it was freakin' cool. I want to learn how to make it.
There were all kinds of experiments with air, motion, senses, chemistry. Some of it was a bit beyond Amanda, but Lucas was definitely interested. I'm thinking his switch to the science and technology magnet next year will be a good thing.

President Obama...

2009-02-02T20:58:00.000-08:00

Dear President Obama,

If you tell Tom Daschle that he is out and you'll have to choose someone else as Health Secretary, I'll be behind you 100%.
But, if you continue to support him, it will plant the seeds of doubt in my head.

I support you and I'm happy you are our president, but this cannot stand. You speak of the crooks on wall street and you speak of the American people needing to buckle down and do the work that needs to be done to save our economy but yet, you support people who break the law. That doesn't pass muster with me.

Okay, so he paid the money back... good thing for him he had it. What if he didn't? Would he be in jail like any other American who made a "mistake" and didn't pay enough taxes?
If you want a clean start and you want to win the trust of Americans, you cannot stand behind Tom Daschle. Maybe it was an honest mistake. We all make mistakes, but we must pay for them. You can't start of this way. Please don't. You are making my heart heavy. You've already had one dude put in place who didn't pay his taxes. The stimulus package put forth by your party doesn't have nearly enough in there for creating jobs quickly for the American public. You voted for TARP, which hasn't done much. Please, give me a reason to keep on believing in you.

Lemonade stands and ToysRUs

2009-01-31T22:13:00.000-08:00

I know it's January, but we live in So. Cal and the kids decided to have a lemonade stand today.
It was awesome. It was their first time running their own business, so we had to teach them a few things, but Luc caught on pretty quickly.
I have fond memories of having lemonade stands out in front of my house in West LA. My friends and I would pick lemons from the tree in my backyard, add too much sugar and happily taste the concoction and add ingredients until it was just right. Then we would set up shop right outside my front door. We always had plenty of takers... the event must have gone well the first time, because I did it more times than I can count on my two hands.

Today's event was a success. We had two neighbor girls join our kids to help out. A few minutes after they had purchased drinks and cookies (yes, I made cookies and lemonade) they headed back to the stand with their own sign. They wanted to join in on the fun. I think that having a gaggle of kids helped with our sales. People couldn't pass up three adorable girls and one crazy boy. After about 90 minutes, the kids walked with a total of $16. For the record, we charged 25 cents for lemonade and 25 cents for two cookies. The kids got a lot of tips.

After we split up the profits, the kids wanted to spend their money immediately. We were already going to head to Toys R Us to procure a present for cousin Ben's birthday party (tomorrow), so we told them they could each put $10 in their wallets and pick out a toy. Man... I freakin' hate Toys R Us. Not because of the funky smell or all the rotten kids in there. I hate it because it is filled to the ceiling with crap. CRAP! If I never go there again it will be too soon. There are zero quality toys contained within the walls of this store. My kids picked up two toys and we couldn't decide on something for cousin. Everything is such a piece of junk. And I shop as a parent. I know what shit I would hate for my kid to get. I know what will be played with once and then cast aside into the toy chest, never to see the light of day again. So, we decided on some small trinket and a gift card. Let my sis-in-law decide what piece of junk she wants to let into her house.

Please, please let me remember this experience. Let me plan better for the next birthday party and give myself at least 10 days to look online for a quality (perhaps even made in the USA) toy for the birthday kid. I never want to go to Toys R Us again.

More HR-1... who wrote this shite?

2009-01-30T21:27:00.000-08:00

I'm curious... who actually writes these proposed bills? I never really thought about it until now. But I'm sure the congresspeople themselves don't sit down and write out all the details. So, who does? Shouldn't we know? We do pay these people in a round-about way. I'm into a bunch of legal jargon of the bill that I don't understand, and that's why I'm bringing this up.

Okay... let's get to the money, baby! This is a summary only and doesn't contain all of the spending. I have a job and two children. My job isn't in the U.S. congress... if it were, then I would have every last detail for you fleshed out here....

Department of Agriculture:
For an additional amount for ‘‘Agriculture Buildings
and Facilities and Rental Payments’’, $44,000,000, for
necessary construction, repair, and improvement activities:
For an additional amount for ‘‘Buildings and Facilities’’, $209,000,000, for work on deferred maintenance at Agricultural Research Service facilities.
FARM SERVICE AGENCY SALARIES AND EXPENSES
For an additional amount for ‘‘Salaries and Expenses,’’ $245,000,000, for the purpose of maintaining and modernizing the information technology system. For an additional amount for ‘‘Watershed and Flood Prevention Operations’’, $350,000,000, of which $175,000,000 is for necessary expenses to purchase and restore floodplain easement
WATERSHED REHABILITATION PROGRAM
For an additional amount for ‘‘Watershed Rehabilitation Program’’, $50,000,000, for necessary expenses to carry out rehabilitation of structural measures.

RURAL DEVELOPMENT PROGRAMS
$5.8 billion for consolidated farm and rural development act.

RURAL HOUSING SERVICE
$22,129,000,000 for loans to section 502 borrowers, of which $4,018,000,000 shall be for direct loans,and of which $18,111,000,000 shall be for unsubsidized guaranteed loans.

RURAL UTILITIES SERVICE
DISTANCE LEARNING, TELEMEDICINE, AND BROADBAND
For an additional amount for the cost of broadband loans and loan guarantees, as authorized by the RuralElectrification Act of 1936 (7 U.S.C. 901 et seq.) and for grants, $2,825,000,000

OK... I'm going to stop quoting here and add my own shit.
$1Billion dollars to the U.S. Census bureau. Wouldn't we do fine without a Censuse bureau?
Why do we need to spend a billion dollars here?

$35 Million for National Telecommunications and Information Administration. More administration... come on! This is to identify and track availability and adoption of broadband services within each state. Are you kidding me? Who comes up with this?

$2.825 Billion (yes, billion) for broadband deployment grants. Didn't we do just fine before broadband? Yes, my job depends upon it, but my in-laws and my mother... not so much.
Oh.. this includes some junk about the conversion analog. I don't need cable and neither do you. In fact, I'm calling my cable company on Monday to cancel.

$3 billion for state and local law enforcement assistance. Love law enforcement (hi Dad!) so I'm not going to say anything here.. have some thoughts but can't state them for fear of retribution from family:) Oh... here we go, another $1Billion for community oriented policing services. What the heck does that mean?

$400Million for NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE ADMINISTRATION

Holy crap... I'm only 55 pages in. How much more can there be. I'm guessing a lot of waste in education -- no, I'm not saying education is a waste of time, just that education bureaucracies now how to waste money.

There seems to be about $1.5 billion spent on defense. $2 billion spent on the Army Corp of Engineers. $500Million spent for water reclamation and water related resources. $18.5 billion for Energy programs. $500million for Defense Environmental cleanup.
Federal building fund, $7.7 billion (yeah, you read that right).

Oh, and isn't this nice of them... a whopping $426million for small business loans. How sweet that they thought of the little guy. Oh... there are a bunch of pages of legalese regarding such loans... so beware. Almost 20 pages, whereas, most of the other government programs had 1 or 2 pages. So watch out little guy.

$500Million for aviation security. I hate to fly anyway, so let's cut that out:)

Wow, how generous... $200Million for emergency food and shelter.

Road and bridge repair gets a whopping $325 million in the bill. I would have thought this was one of the priorities, but I guess the congress things otherwise. I was thinking Roosevelt with the stimulus, but the government had other ideas.

Shit... wildlife services gets almost as much as the road and bridge repair -- $300million! Well... that seems wise.

Oh... let's not forget the national mall. Gotta spend at least $200 million here.

And then we need another $200 million for Geological surveys.
And then there is the $8.4 billion tribal assistance. Don't we have casinos on almost every block now?

Wildland fire management $850 million. I'm cool with that.

$550 Million for Indinal health services.

Yes, we must have $50 million for the national endowment of the arts. Because, right now, I am really needing the arts to sustain me. Really. Oh... I still have to pay $12 admission and $4 for a soda????

$4Billion for the dept. of labor.

$2.18 billion for Health and Human Services

I'm 156 pages in and I'm done for tonight. Please, comment! I'll post more details tomorrow. I'm not an economist and trying not to judge. I just want to hold everyone accountable. I was happy to see Obama elected but worried that he would have a congress of the same party so there wouldn't be many checks. I'm afraid that there is too much of a disconnect between Washington and the folks in middle America. I'm afraid there is going to be too much waste, so that is why I'm trying to read this stuff.

Stimulus, schitimulus

2009-01-30T20:54:00.000-08:00

OK... I'm all for economic stimulus right now. My husband's job isn't entirely dependent on this, given that he is in the healthcare industry. But some folks do decide to forgo physical therapy, especially if they are out of work. In addition, the government has already proven itself to be ineffective in running a healthcare system, aka, medicare. My husband is so far behind on receiving payments from them it is disgusting.
My job is more tied to the economy, in that many businesses may decide that they don't need premium Web hosting at this time and some of our big contracts may decide to put big projects on hold. Right now my job is OK, but who knows what could come in the next year or so.

I'm currently reading an entertaining piece titled "HR-1 Stimulus Package". It is quite a long read and I haven't finished it yet, but what I have read doesn't excite me. What this piece tells me, is that the government in power, much to my chagrin, has no interest in helping out Joe the Plumber any time soon. They are cozy in their warm houses, with their private schools and Whole Foods entrees. They don't seem to see the need to move quickly. Well, maybe they do, but quickly for them means 3 or 4 years. Too late for many Americans, but fine for them, since many of them were just voted into office.
I'm still smarting from the news yesterday about the bonuses some wall street bankers received well after TARP passed. Yes, the bonuses that President Obama was going on about yesterday were handed out after TARP passed -- a bill he supported. He may not have been president, but he certainly was a Senator and helped the passage. Couldn't they have put a clause in there that stipulated what exactly the funds could be used for? Yes, if they had taken the time. But they impressed upon us how urgent the matter was and they were working day and night for us to find a solution to the banking woes. But the solution doesn't seem to have reached the average American. The solution seems to simply have lined the pockets of more of these money-hungry theives.
Now, on to the bill....
Off the bat -- before I even get to numbers -- something strikes me as wrong. The time-frame for this thing. They call it "Use it or Lose It requirements"
Recipients of grants must enter into contracts or commitments not later than a year after the date of enactment of the Act or not later than 9 months after the grant is awarded to make use of half of the funds awarded and shall enter into contracts or commitments no later than 2 years after the date of the Act or not more than 21 months after the grant is awarded to make use of the remaining funds.

This doesn't strike me as urgent. 1 year... 2 years...? So, we won't even begin to stimulate the economy for at least 12 months from when the Act is enacted? And then, those contracts may be entered into, but they may not start for many months after. What are we looking at here? 3 years, 4 years before things even start moving? Sounds about right for government, but doesn't work for my neighbor who was laid off and is facing foreclosure now.

Okay, now we are getting to some meat. up to .5% of each amount appropriated in the act may be used for the expenses of management and oversight of the programs, grants and activities. Wouldn't these agencies already have management in place? Why the waste? Oh, now I see, because they "may be transferred by the head of the Federal department or agency involved to any other appropriate account within the department or agency for that purpose.

Next this Act will create an "accountability and transparency board". How do I get a job on this board? Sounds sweet! They are going to oversee the fund and make sure there is no abuse or fraud or waste. Wait... isn't the board itself a waste? This board will have 7 members. I wonder if the bill will list their salaries... haven't gotten to that yet, I'm only on page 20. Shite!
Cool, the board will be appropriated $14million to carry out its duties, including travel expenses.

OK... taking a break. More in my next post... probably later tonight.

Easy vegan dish the kids liked

2009-01-09T21:45:00.000-08:00

I think this is vegan....
The kids liked it and it super easy to put together.

2 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 onion diced
1 clove garlic minced
1/2 block extra-firm tofu drained, diced
1/2 cup - 1 cup thinly sliced carrots
1 can black beans rinsed
1 can diced tomatoes
oregano, cumin, salt and pepper -- I don't measure, just throw it in to my liking
cooked rice

Cook your rice according to how much you want and keep that warm.
Heat oil in skillet and add onion and garlic for about 2 minutes. Add tofu and carrots and cook that for about 5 - 7 minutes, stirring. Add beans, tomatoes and spices. Heat on low for about 5-10 minutes, stirring. Serve over rice.
It's got everything in there... no need for side dishes or anything, although my kids always demand fruit with their dinner.

Can I have this every night? Super cheap and easy!

Heading off to the Magic Kingdom this weekend for Amanda's birthday. We are going to surprise them with a stay at the hotel on site. They think we are going to stay with the grandparents -- they are going to freak!

Things you don't want to hear from your daughter at 5 a.m.

2009-01-08T08:51:00.001-08:00

"Mommy, I peed my bed."
You roll over and realize she isn't sleeping in her own bed, she's in your bed!

Good morning!

I'm very lucky

2009-01-03T20:51:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, I had many sleepovers at friends houses. The one thing that all of these sleepovers had in common was that the dad in the house was never around. Not that they weren't living there, but if there was a sleepover, they quietly retreated to some other part of the house and let the mom take over all the duties of feeding the kids, calming everyone down if things got crazy, making sure everyone brushed their teeth and, of course, tucking everyone in.
Now our kids are having sleepovers -- granted, they are with cousins -- and my kids' dad is more involved in the sleepover than I am. He is right there ready to play games with the kids, help them pick out a movie and get them a treat to eat. For some reason, Phil is a kid magnet. They love to attack him -- pummel him with pillows, call him a silly-head, or pretend to chop his head off with a light saber. He is down with all that. Then, he rounds everyone up to brush their teeth. I gave everyone a quick kiss goodnight and now he is in there telling a long story. I can hear all this going on now. He is even asking for their input on how the story should go. Next he'll sing a couple of songs and then tell everyone goodnight.
This is how it always go and all I can think is that I'm so lucky.
There is something special about dads, especially if they are away at work all day. They come home and they aren't tired of the kids. They aren't looking at the clock counting down the minutes until they are "free" for a few hours. Phil often seems refreshed after a long day at work when he comes home to the kids and he can quiz them or help Luc with homework or read a book to them.
It sure wasn't that way when I was a kid and I wonder if it was just my dad or if it was just how things were back in the day.

Anyway, I'm sure we'll have to put the kids back to bed a few times before the night is through, but for now I have a few more minutes to myself as I can hear the story is still going on.

New Year's resolutions, breakfast and curious things in the yard

2009-01-02T19:24:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!
We're two days into 2009 and it is already simply splendid:) Yesterday we went on our holiday hike up the treacherous Tarantula Hill. The weather was beautiful and I think we only heard one child request to be picked up ... I pretended I couldn't hear her. In the afternoon we headed over to the house of some good friends and had a really nice visit. We got there mid-afternoon and suddenly I looked at my watch and it was 7:30. With 5 kids bouncing around a house, that is a sign that things went really well.
Today we picked up cousin Ben and the three kids played, made crafts and ran around to music. There was only one little tiff between the boys and they quickly worked it out themselves. I managed to make a dinner that everyone liked and even found time to bake two loaves of bread -- they are cooling now (yum!).

Okay... on to new year's resolutions. I only have 3 this year and they aren't too tough.
1. Attempt to learn how to sew. I put attempt here because I am about the least crafty person you will ever meet. I could spend an hour trying to wrap a birthday present and it would still come out looking like a 3 year old did it. Anyway, I'd like to be able to sew some little clothes for Amanda's dolls or little purses for her to play with. My mom has a sewing machine that is collecting dust and she said she'll give me a few lessons. So, next week I'm going to attempt to learn the basics.

2. Grow something edible in my garden. We have a large yard compared to some houses around here. It's no ranch or farm, but the house is small, so there is quite a bit of dirt. Along the same lines of the craft business, all previous attempts at trying to grow things have met with disaster. This year, though, I'm going to plan things out and really give it my best shot. I think that is part of my problem. I'm not a planner. I want immediate results and I try the quickest way to do things. I now know that growing things takes time and work and planning. I'm going to get the right tools, the right ingredients and find out the right locations for the plants I want to grow. I won't know if this resolutions pans out until later in the year, but my planning starts now.

3. Purchase a bike and go on weekly rides with Lucas. Luc and I have a blast when we get a chance to spend one-on-one time. He loves to ride his bike, but it's not as much fun by himself with me walking behind. So, I'm going to save up a bit each paycheck and then find a nice used bike. I'd like to set aside special time for him and I to spend together. Amanda and I already have plenty of that because she is out of school before him and also he is involved in sports sometimes and I get to hang just with her.

That's it. I think these are all doable, but not so lame that they won't take any effort.

On to breakfast... I've got two loaves of bread cooling right now and I can barely keep Amanda away from them. I told her to look forward to breakfast tomorrow when she and I will have some nice toast with butter and jam on the bread. It's been a couple of months since I've baked bread because I've been so busy. I don't have a bread machine, so it does take a bit of time. But Amanda and Phil and I love to have the homemade stuff. Luc does not eat bread, so he won't be invited to breakfast tomorrow:)

There are curious things going on in my yard this winter. The apples on our tree did not come in this year and the few that did, never matured. Then, our tree sat there with leaves all fall. In fact, I was just noticing a couple of days ago how all of the leaves were still on the tree and they were mighty green. I went into the yard this morning and the leaves are all now yellow and suddenly half of them are on the ground. Normally this would have occured more than a month ago. Also, my camilias bloomed again about a month ago. They bloom in the spring (I love them) but that is it. They've never bloomed in the late fall or winter before. Very strange. I just cut back all my roses, even though they were still blooming (I had to do it while I have the time). I'll fertilize them this weekend. I know what you are going to say, "I thought you couldn't grow anything." Well, all of these plants and trees were here when we bought the house. All I have to do is water and ferlitize them. For some reason, if I personally put something into the ground, it decides to die.

Hope your 2009 will be happy and healthy!

Book review: The Well and the Mine

2008-12-30T21:09:00.000-08:00

If you are looking for a fantastic read, I suggest, The Well and the Mine by Gin Phillips. I can't recommend this book enough. I am so amazed that this is a first novel.
It takes place in a small town in Alabama during the Great Depression. It is written in a style that I don't think many authors could pull off. But this author is such a beautiful writer that it works.
The story focuses on the Moore family and switches off between their voices. They are a hardworking, loving family whose sense of generosity and community makes you want to be a better neighbor.
To me, the novel seems so timely. There is so much talk about recession and depression lately, but you can get a glimpse of what it must have been like for people in the early 1930's. It brings things back to what's important -- family and community.
I got my copy from the library, but you can also get it on Amazon.

Movie review -- Bedtime Stories

2008-12-29T20:54:00.000-08:00

Loved it! Yes, I did. After seeing so many kids movies that were good for the kids and O.K. for grownups, I found one that was good for my six year old and for me. My almost 4 year old wasn't into it, but if you have a little older child, this would definitely be a movie you could both enjoy together.
I've been "off" Adam Sandler for a while. Yes, I lost my shit while watching Happy Gilmore, but that's the last time I found an Adam Sandler film entertaining. This one brings him back in my good graces. I laughed out loud a few times, and so did my son. I wish I had had a sitter for my daughter, because she was just a tad too young.
Anyway, if you have time, see this, or rent it when it comes out on DVD.

We're home, struggling through this last week of winter break, as I'm sure many parents are. It's not that I don't love them, it's just that I have to work. I have the luxury of working from home, but my rugrats aren't the kind that I can park in front of the t.v. for a couple of hours while I get a bit of work done. I'm like a freakin magnet. I tell them, "go and play in the front yard." They don't listen. What is wrong with my kids!!!!???? I pull out a bunch of shit for them to play with, I roll out their scooters, grab a few balls and tell them to go have fun... the world is waiting for them to have an adventure. They would rather sit right next to my desk and ask when I'm going to be done with work. Am I that much fun??? What do you do? Are your kids as needy as mine? I'm a self starter and their inability to use their imaginations just really gets to me. It makes me so freakin grouchy. What did I do wrong???

Party's over!

2008-12-20T21:00:00.000-08:00

I survived it. 16 kids and 8 adults in my small abode. It didn't rain, so that is good, and all the work I did on the food turned out alright. My homemade lego cake was cool and even though my homemade lego pinata didn't look great, I don't think the kids noticed.
There were lots of cousins around and also a few buddies from Luc's school. It was weird, though... this was the first year where the non-relative parents just dropped off their kids. It was like.. hi, what time should I pick little Johnnie up? I had prepared a lot of food expecting everyone to stay because they always have in the past. I'm fine that they didn't stay, but it's like some sort of milestone. My son now has parties where the parents of his mates don't stay. Crazy!!!!! He'll be six on Tuesday and that blows my mind! I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed now.
All I have left to do for Christmas is wrap presents and one more day of baking. I can go go bed without a lot of shit hanging over my head.
Good night!

Now I remember... I hate December!

2008-12-10T20:26:00.000-08:00

Around mid-November I start to get excited for the holidays. I look forward to Thanksgiving and then shopping for gifts for the family for Christmas. We'll have a pretty tree and sing carols at the piano while we sip egg nog and laugh jovially. The presents will be prettily wrapped and the kids and I will enjoy decorating Christmas cookies that we'll deliver to the neighbors.
Around December 10 (that's today) I wake up from my dream and remember that December sucks. My anxiety is starting to kick in. Not only do I have Christmas to plan for, but my first born celebrates his birthday 2 days before Christmas. I always do a party for him and I have a huge freakin family. Now that he is in kindergarten, he also wants to invite a few buds from class -- and i know that also means that a few of their parents will be there as well. So, the count could get as high as 33 if everyone comes -- I'm sure that won't be the case.
My house is filled with lists. Lists of gifts I've purchased or need to purchase. Lists of things I need for the party. Lists of what I need to do to get my house in order for overnight guests (in-laws and bro-in-law will be here for a few nights at Christmas). Lists, lists, lists!!! But I don't seem to find much time to get anything crossed off my lists. In between work, xmas shopping, homework, and just giving my kids a bit of attention, there doesn't seem to be much time for the extras.
It's no wonder I usually end up with the flu or pneumonia right around Christmas. I can't wait until about mid-January (after Amanda's birthday). Just wake me up then.
If I suddenly found myself very wealthy, I would probably just book a vacation for 2 weeks for the family and get the heck out of town:)

Tree is up!

2008-12-06T19:55:00.000-08:00

We got our Christmas tree today and it is a nice one! It's the first time in a few years that everything has gone smoothly. We didn't pay an arm and a leg, the tree went in the stand beautifully and is fairly straight and there are no bald spots.. like on our sad tree last year. My husband didn't even curse once while helping me set it up. And Lucas was so into decorating this year. It's the first year he's really cared to hang more than one ornament. He did about 2/3 of the decorating after I got the lights on. We turned on the fireplace (doesn't that sound wrong) and had the Christmas tree lights on during dinner. It was a very nice evening.

We then headed out to Moorpark to view some crazy lights. They are in this wealthier part of town and just about every street in the neighborhood is jam packed with lights and displays that are so over the top. The kids loved it. It's like each neighbor is trying to outdo the next and we get to benefit from their competition. After we got home and pulled into our own driveway, our lights did look a little sad, but that's OK because I know my electric bill won't exceed what I spend on presents.

Wait... what does PG mean?

2008-11-21T22:46:00.000-08:00

Tonight was family movie night. The kids picked one of my favorite holiday movies, "Home Alone". I've owned the movie, like, forever -- I have loved it since I first saw it when I like 15 years old. One of my favorite lines from the movie has now come back to bite me in the ....

"Kevin, I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass!"
I always loved the way the kid delivered the line and the look on his face. It cracked me up, until I had kids. I was setting up the kids table in front of the t.v. -- cause we do that on Friday nights -- and I heard the line. I let out a little giggle and that was all that was needed. My kids laughed and they didn't even know what they were laughing at. "Mom, what does growing on my ass mean?" Lucas asked. "It means that is something you aren't allowed to say," I said.
Great response, mom! They laughed even harder and said ass like 10 times. But as the movie progressed I didn't hear it again, so I hope I don't have to talk to Luc about the "a-word" before school on Monday.

Easiest dinner ever

2008-11-17T20:07:00.000-08:00

My pantry was bare this morning as I contemplated what we'd have for dinner. I took a quick peek and decided to throw some things in the crockpot and see what happens.
I defrosted some chicken from the freezer, put that in the pot. Threw in some diced onions and some frozen corn. Then I topped it off with a container of Trader Joe's butternut squash soup. Put that on at about 10 a.m. (took all of about 10 minutes to do). At around 5ish, I heated some Trader Joe's frozen brown rice and threw that in the crockpot for about 30 minutes. We all sat down and everyone loved it -- even the kids! Awesome and easy and healthy!
The whole soup -- excluding the fruit we also had -- probably cost between $5.50 and $6.00 ($1.50 per person... awesome!)

washing dishes and why does the shit fall more heavily on some people than others

2008-11-14T19:41:00.000-08:00

First I'll start with my dishes. I read that it is more environmentally friendly to wash your dishes with a machine rather than by hand. Fine by me. But it is better if you do not pre-rinse. Hmmm... I don't have that dishwasher where you can put a cake in it and the plate comes out clean, but I do have something that has been working. A dog. My dog has become the family pre-rinser. She is happy to oblige and she is a very hard worker. My only question is, do I have to pay her?

I have a woman who comes in to clean our house every two weeks. She has worked for my mom for years and is one of the nicest people I know. However, our finances have become tight lately and I've been meaning to tell her that I won't be able to have her come anymore but shit keeps happening to this poor woman. Today was the day I was going to do it, but she dropped a bomb and I couldn't. I can cut elsewhere. It's only $150/mo. Some women might get their hair and nails done, or buy gourmet coffee or shop at Whole Foods. Me, I only have to get down and dirty with my house myself twice a month instead of every week. The thing that gets me, though, is this woman has had a very difficult life since she was born. If it were me, I'd be headed for the looney bin, but not her... she picks herself up by her bootstraps and goes on with a smile. She is the oldest of 14 kids born to a poor family in Mexico. She basically had to raise her younger siblings from the time she was a small child. She didn't finish school. She was "taken" by an acquantaince of the family when she was 15 and held captive for 3 years. Her family didn't try to get her back because they were afraid. When she finally was returned at age 18, she was basically told to stuff her feelings. She came to the U.S. (she is legal) and helped her younger sisters. She's worked cleaning up after people since then. She has an alcoholic common-law husband, whom she has three children with. She finally got the nerve to kick him out only to have him back now, 5 years later, because he has heart failure and she is taking care of him while he dies. She doesn't love him, but as she tells me, "he is my children's father". Her beloved aunt died this year. One of her sons has had trouble with drugs and in school. The bomb today, her 18 year old daughter is pregnant. This young girl just started college. When she told me her daughter was starting college I was so happy. I was like, yes, you make her go to class and make sure she finishes. She's going to go on and do great things. Now the daughter is determined to keep the baby and finish college. I pray she does. Her mother has worked too fucking hard her entire life to have her child not do great things. Despite this, she owns her own home (in a scary neighborhood) and makes enough money to take care of herself and her kids. No handouts. She has medical insurance and car insurance.
The thing that absolutely kills me is that we had been talking lately about how she wanted to sell her home in January, when her daughter had been planning to move out, and she was going to get her own place. She was so excited that she would live by herself. Just take care of herself -- for the first time in her life. Now that dream is shattered because her daughter will most certainly need to live with her for some time. My heart aches, but still she has a smile and says a prayer and says that God will watch out for her. I wish I had a million dollars to give to her.

I'm confused....

2008-11-13T20:55:00.000-08:00

I am totally confused. That may not be news to some of you... but this particular confusion is regarding setting up a playdate for my daughter with her bff. It shouldn't be a big deal, right? In an earlier post, I noted how we had been canceled on for a playdate two times. I decided to give up. The mom had arranged play dates and then cancelled at the last minute each time. Sucks for the kids, because each time I drop my daughter off at school, her bff says, why can't I play at Amanda's house, or why can't Amanda play at my house? I don't know, go ask your mom!
Anyway, the mom had been working part time at the beginning of the year. Then, about two weeks ago I noticed her daughter had switched to 5 days a week at school, like my daughter. I figured the mom was working full time again. Cool.
But then last week, there was a cute card in Amanda's cubby. It was decorated by the bff and a note was written by an adult. "Hi Amanda, I want you to come play at my house soon. Love, bff."
Shit... I lost the mom's phone number because I didn't figure I would need it. But I did have her email address from when i was a room parent last year. I emailed her. The response I got was confusing.
Something like, "Oh, the problem is I'm working full-time now. But maybe we'll see you at the park for the preschool get-together." What? Why would you send a note basically inviting my daughter over if that wasn't what you intended? You work full-time. That's so cool. I work as well and understand that. But I wouldn't have my child invite another child over while knowing that it wasn't possible for them to come over. Make sense??

I'm out, the "f" word and great depression

2008-11-12T19:34:00.000-08:00

I'm officially counting myself out for nanowrimo this year. I missed the first day and then got into it for a few days, but I completely flaked this weekend. This week has been busy, so I haven't done any writing for nano since last Friday. It sucks, because I've been planning that this is the November I will reach the goal. But I tend to let life get in the way. My husband will offer to take over the kid duties in the evening for an hour or two, but when I go into the office and hear the little voices saying, "where's mommy... I want to go visit her in the office," I break down and read some books to my kids instead. The shitty thing is that I know it's a cop-out to say that I'm too busy. If I really wanted to finish this task, I would just do it. I would open up my laptop at 9 every night and work until I met that day's goal. But the truth is, my sofa and a good book just seem so much more appealing right now. I'm so stressed out about life in general that I would rather lose myself in a book someone else sweated over, than create something of my own. Maybe next year....

My son said the f word the other night. No, not the really bad one. It's the one that's not so bad, but you don't want to be the parent that lets your kid get away with saying it at inappropriate times. He was running down the hall after his bath and he turned to his sister and said, "Amanda, I just farted!" Then they both fell on the floor giggling uncontrollably. I swallowed my own laugh and asked him where he had heard that word. He said, "Mommy, it's no big deal. It just means burping from your butt!" Again with the laughter. Apparently he heard it from his pal at school. This is the same pal he picked up "Oh my God!" from. It's Oh My God this and Oh My God that all the time. We haven't every really used "fart" around here. I admit that I feel it's a more masculine term. I don't like saying it and I don't like hearing my 5 year old saying it. I've always used the lame term "gas". I guess it doesn't matter. There is absolutely no way to convince a young boy (or even a grown man, for that matter) that farting isn't funny.
This is all coming from a woman who curses worse than a sailor as soon as the kids are tucked in bed.

The news these days is all about recession, recession, recession. It's enough to stop a girl from going to get a large latte a few times a week. OK... I stopped my coffee splurges about 9 months ago, and I've cut back almost every where I can. There are still a few splurges that we haven't cut out yet -- eating one meal out on weekends and buying the kids new socks when their old ones are too small. I haven't had my hair cut since April and I've been coloring it at home -- the results aren't great, but they aren't terrible. We made a trip the the La Brea tarpits a couple of weekends ago -- kids had an excellent time -- and we dropped about $60, not including gas. We don't do that too often anymore. I haven't shopped for clothes in I don't know how long -- if you know me, you know I used to be a clothes whore. I love new clothes... they make me feel so good. But it's been about 6 months since I even bought myself a t-shirt. I did go to payless a couple of weeks ago and picked up a pair of brown flats because the pair I had -- from before Amanda was born -- had had it. As I visited Phil at work the other day, one of his receptionists said, "cute shoes, I have the same ones." I said, "yeah, payless is awesome!" She made an awful face and said, "uh... no, mine weren't from payless." Whatever! Anyway, all this is to say that I'm sure lots and lots of people are a bit stressed out these days. But I officially entered the great depression today. My neighbor -- two doors up -- just put his house on the market for $440,000! Shit. I could kill Fernando!!!! We purchased our house for more than $250K more than that two years ago. Fernando, dude, you are killing me.
My husband and I have been playing around with the idea of selling our place. Yes, we would lose the 20% we put down, but we wouldn't be up all night, every night, worrying about bills. Instead, we could be worrying about whether or not we were screwing up our kids. That is what parents are supposed to worry about, right? But, in light of Fernando's move, we now see that we can't sell our house for even what we owe. Thus, the great depression.
FERNANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Prop 8... prop 4

2008-11-07T20:46:00.000-08:00

So, Prop 8 passed... I'm disgusted. Prop 4 was defeated... I'm equally disgusted. If these churches, which should be concerned with life, had put their money behind prop 4, instead of pumping millions of dollars into California to promote a bill that marginalizes a good percentage of our population, we'd maybe have some young girls protected.
Instead, I saw nothing regarding prop 4 from my church or any others in the area.
Whatever your stance on abortion, if you are a parent, don't you want to know if your 14 year old daughter is going make a life altering decision?
I thought Prop 8 would be defeated handily. Boy, was I wrong. There were rallies all around this town. The same folks voting for Obama, were trying to keep homosexuals from gaining the same rights as same sex couples.
I don't get it. I'm still stunned. Don't I live in California? Well, I thought California was a cut-above (yes, I'm a bit of a snob) but it turns out we're right inline with Arkansas. I know no-one from Arkansas reads this blog, so I can write that:) Really, I thought we were a progressive state. I guess not.
I knew prop 4 was a longshot... similar initiatives have been defeated in the past. But, perhaps if those church leaders had put their money where it really belonged, we'd be celebrating the fact that we can have the chance to talk with our daughters about important decisions. Instead, my neighbors are celebrating the fact that gays can't get married. Strange priorities these people have.

We're doing something right

2008-10-29T20:10:00.001-07:00

We were sitting at dinner last night and the kids were talking about what they want to be when they grow up. Lucas said he wanted to build rocket-ships and be a scientist. We said, great, you should be a scientist if you are going to design rockets. The he said, "I'm also going to invent medicines to help people get better. And if some people don't have enough money to pay for the medicine, I'll give it to them for free."
The lump in my throat was as big as an apple.
Then Amanda chimed in... "I'm going to be a mad scientist and I'm going to make lots of toys and give them to all the kids for free!"
That will make you Santa Claus, I said:)

We talk a lot around here lately about sharing with those who have less than us. We talk a lot about not buying every toy we see -- we need to appreciate what we have because there are others out there who have much less than we do and we can be happy just being together.
But how that translated into providing free medicine to poor people, I don't know. Maybe that NPR that I play in the kids room while they sleep is doing the trick:)

I'm being bombarded, and I'm a chicken

2008-10-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

It's all around me... Yes on 8.
Help!
A neighbor from down the street just knocked on my door to give me some literature to vote yes on prop 8. Did I challenge her? No. I'm a chicken. I opened my mouth to say something, but she smiled and said she lived down the road and I held my tongue. I knew if I said something, it wouldn't change her mind. I just thanked her and took the papers, which will now go into the recycle bin.

Another run in with Yes on prop 8 happened the other night. Lucas has recently befriended a boy in another kindergarten class. I've met his mom at the park a few times and she seems nice. She is the children's librarian at our local library and is about my age. We went to a fundraiser for school at the local pizza place the other night and she was there with her son. We started talking and then I saw it... a huge pin with the "Yes on 8" logo. I glared at it for a second, but didn't say anything. What is wrong with people?!

Last weekend was the festival at the Catholic church up the road. The church stands on the corner of a main intersection in our city. One one side, there were about 20 or so young people with homemade signs saying No on 8. They were a colorful group. They had a horn and some weren't wearing shirts. On the opposite corner were about 30 or so people of all ages (young kids and old people) all wearing Yes on 8 shirts with signs that were professionally made. It was a Prop 8 duel. I honked to the No folks and gave a thumbs down to the Yes folks. It seems like the Yes people have a lot more money behind them... just by looking at the different signs and the people in the crowd.

Anyway, I'm not looking for comments, just venting that it feels crappy to be in the minority in my fair city.

Scenario

2008-10-23T09:49:00.000-07:00

There is a small tribe of people. More than half of the farmers lost their years crop to disease but a few farmer's crops seemed to survive. Those farmers do not want to share their crop with the other members of the tribe. Many families will starve in the winter if the farmer's do not share their bounty with the other members of the tribe.
Both sets of farmers worked hard all year long on their crop, but one set just had bad luck.

Should the tribe council force the lucky farmers to share their crop with the rest of the tribe?

birth control and business owners

2008-10-21T20:54:00.000-07:00

I saw a story today about a new pharmacy in Virginia that has opened and will not fill prescriptions for birth control pills
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081022/ap_on_re_us/no_contraceptives_pharmacy

My first reaction was, "whatever, I just wouldn't shop at that pharmacy. They are business owners and I guess that if they feel birth control is immoral, then I'll just quietly take my business elsewhere." I'm a practicing Catholic who wholeheartedly believes that the church has made a mistake in its stance on birth control and I'm not alone. I think that the reasons are probably pretty shady, just as their reasons for not allowing priests to marry or women to be ordained are based on things other than Jesus' teachings.
I have a very strong reaction when someone tries to tell me how I can control my reproductive system. I'm not talking abortion here -- I am opposed to abortion -- but I'm talking about my right to choose when I want to get pregnant or if I want to get a disease. I'm a fairly intelligent being and if I do a bit of research and take proper precautions, then chances are very good that I won't end up with a baby I didn't plan on. I think birth control should be easier to get, not harder. A young girl and go and get an abortion with no notice to her parents, but she needs a prescription to get the pill.
Get this, the pharmacy won't even sell condoms. Not that they have to -- I'm not trying to take that right away from them -- but that is just fucking stupid. Women need to protect themselves from pregnancy with the pill, but they also need condoms to protect themselves from potential diseases. The bad part of me -- we all have a bit of that -- has a split second where I wonder how this pharmacist would feel if his daughter ended up with herpes or something worse.

Anyway, I'm ranting because I just hate it when men try to keep women in their place, as has been happening since the dawn of time. Why am I so upset when I've just said that he is free to run his business as he chooses? Well, someone on another Web site brought up the point that in rural areas, if the local pharmacy decides not to sell contraceptives, there may not be another pharmacy for 25 or 30 miles. What's a young girl to do? What is a cash-strapped mom to do? It irks me, yet still, I have to concede that the pharmacist shouldn't be forced to sell contraception. I do think that the government should then make sure they provide some sort of service to make it available to women even in the most remote parts of the country. I know, one of you is cringing because I said "the government should provide...." But damnit, if you want to reduce abortions, you better make damn sure that women have easy access to contraception. If they can bail out unethical bankers to the tune of $700 billion, they can kick down some cabbage to make sure our women's reproductive rights are protected.

Broken playdates, broken hearts

2008-10-09T21:04:00.000-07:00

There is one mom at my daughter's preschool who is, in my mind a 9.5. Even my husband concurs that she is extremely attractive. Of course, her daughter happens to be the flavor of the month for my daughter. They are buds and play at school. They ask me when they can have a playdate every time I pick my daughter up from school. I finally had Amanda make a card for her friend and we invited her for a playdate. The mom called and it was arranged for last Friday afternoon. My daughter was very excited as she headed off for school that day -- after she got home, her friend would come over to play. What fun! Except.... the mom called me early in the afternoon to cancel. Her son was sick. Totally understandable, but I still had to deal with a devastated 3 year old.

Last night we had a fundraiser at a local eatery. We met up with mom of daughter's new bff and we talked for quite a while. This woman is definitely out of my league:) Anyway, we rescheduled the playdate for this Friday. Kids were very excited. The mom called me this afternoon to cancel. Apparently she forgot about a previous engagement she had. She said something about next week, but nothing firm. O.K., now I'm feeling a little paranoid and self-conscious. My daughter doesn't know yet that her bff won't be coming over tomorrow. I'm hoping she'll forget, but I know she won't.
I feel like I'm in high school again and trying to get with the "in crowd" but I can't find my way in. Except, I don't care about being friends with this woman (remember, she's out of my league) but my daughter does want to hang with her kid. What's the deal?

More on prop 8

2008-10-09T20:12:00.000-07:00

So, I was outside this afternoon and I ran into my neighbor. She asked me a strange question... would I like a Yes on Prop 8 sign for my yard? She had an extra one. Isn't that a strange way of trying to find out how I'm going to vote. I wouldn't dream of asking someone (besides joking with a family member) if they would like an Obama sticker for their car.
Anyway, we were talking and just didn't really agree. I'm glad that she seems to be like me, in that she won't stop being friendly because I don't agree with her views. I feel the same way and hope that we continue to know each other better.

One thing she said was that if Prop 8 passes, our children will be forced to learn that marriage between a couple of the same sex is the same as marriage between heterosexuals. But I don't really understand... don't they already teach tolerance in schools, and since when is learning about marriage something you learn in school?

Again, I don't see how gay marriage undermines religion. People can get married by non-religious organizations. So, if we are truly a country that separates God from the state, then I don't see the problem. There are plenty of atheists who get married. There are people who are infertile or don't desire to have children, there are older couples who will never have children together and they all get married. So the idea that marriage is only for procreation is not true.
Throughout the history of man, there have been many different kinds of marriages... We evolve.

As a married Catholic, with two children, I do not feel that my marriage is any less valid if same sex people can marry. I once thought that prop 8 was a longshot to pass, but the more I drive around my neighborhood, the more nervous I get. I'm going to have to get involved.
Look... I don't have any gay people in my life that I count as close friends. I have known gay people, but I'm not coming down on the side of gay marriage because my brother or cousin or best friend is gay. I'm coming down on the side of gay marriage because I think it is right and fair.

creepy

2008-10-09T13:55:00.001-07:00

Driving home from errands today I passed by a house that, of course, has the yes on 8 sign. That wasn't the creepy part. What was creepy was that hanging in front of one of the windows was a handmade No on 8 sign that was obviously made by children. It was very colorful and full of glitter and stickers -- I would have thought it quite beautiful, if not for the message. Now we're enlisting our little ones to help us spread the message that we aren't all equal.

I guess I shouldn't talk, though, I was tempted to get an Obama shirt for my kids. But I didn't -- I didn't want to make them the sandwich boards for my beliefs. We do talk about politics around them, but I try to be a bit generic. They both know I'm most likely going to vote for Obama, only because they asked me and I wasn't going to lie. Of course, now they both want to vote for Obama. It just shows you that your very little kids will often want to do whatever you do. I try not to say anything negative about McCain/Palin -- just that I like Obama better. I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not.

Why all the hate?

2008-10-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

I've come to accept the fact that I live in McCain land. There are yard signs up all over my neighborhood and they mostly consist of McCain/Palin signs. First of all, come on guys... you live in California and Obama is going to win here. I have seen one Obama sticker when I take Luc to school and in another neighborhood I saw, gasp, two Obama yard signs. I'm thinkin', maybe the Obama folks just don't want to flaunt it, or waste their money because they know he'll win in CA.

Anywho.... my neighbors just popped up a "Yes on 8" sign. For those of you not living in California, that eliminates the right to same sex marriage in our Golden State.
I just want to know, why the hate?
There are tons of "yes on 8" signs in my neighborhood and this disturbs me. What reason, beyond religion, is there to make a constitutional amendment banning same sex marraige? I want to know. We are supposed to have a separation of church and state here, so what other reason can you give me for banning it? Churches don't have to marry people of the same sex -- they can walk down to the city hall and take care of it. What's the deal?

I wholeheartedly oppose prop 8 and it saddens me to know that people I know and like support it.

I'm not John McCain's Friend

2008-10-07T18:49:00.000-07:00

I'm not John McCain's friend and I don't like it when he says "goodies".

Church, my yard and other people's trees

2008-09-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

We made it to church early this morning and we still didn't get a good seat! I live about 3 blocks from my church, but I still usually get there right as the priest is about to get started. I wish the "children's mass" wasn't at 9 a.m.! Anyway, this morning I had my shit together and we left the house at 9:45 and got to church at about 9:50. 10 minutes... 10 minutes early and still I had to sit in the back where the kids can't see what is going on. I think the church needs to invest in stadium seating. The kids were good and were able to enjoy a doughnut after mass. I've only been taking them to church with me for about 6 months and I still can't imagine how my mom handled 7 during the weekly service. I only have two (but I am flying solo) and they drive me bonkers. They don't want to go to Sunday school, so they usually stay with me and ask me how much longer, every 2 minutes. I tell them they should be grateful they are Catholic and only have to sacrifice 1 hour each week:)

After we had lunch I dug into some yardwork. After 5 hours in the yard -- well, on and off in the yard, playing with the kids, cleaning up mud they and the dogs tracked in and vaccuming up some spills throughout the day -- I am extremely depressed. I got to about 1/4 of my yardwork for the fall. I still have so much more and I don't know where I'm going to find another 15 hours to finish the rest. My lot isn't huge -- about 11k sq. ft. -- but it might as well be 10 acres. there is so much pruning, weeding, lawn to be cut, fountains to be cleaned out, and there is still the dead zone (about 200 sq. ft. of dirt) that I am constantly tinkering with. I have a list of projects that need to be done inside the house and garage and I think by the time I get to those it will be spring cleaning time. I spend an hour or two each week on regular maintenance, but that doesn't cut it. I still have to do major work each of the four seasons. The thing that kills me is that my yard doesn't look glorious for all of my hard work. I have a notorious black thumb and no creative mind for budget landscaping. I see lots of people in my middle-class neighborhood with really pretty yards and I just don't know how they do it. They haven't had to spend tons of money, but they just know what works and what doesn't. Oh well, I'll just keep pulling up weeds and sweeping up my mess.

You know the only thing worse than having a tree on your property that is messy? Having a neigbhor with about 5 olive trees that hang over your back wall and spit their messy fruit all summer and fall. It's all over my yard and has to be raked up before mowing. It sucks. Why don't people invest in non-fruiting olive trees for landscaping?

Three dogs

2008-09-23T22:03:00.000-07:00

Help! I'm in a zoo!
My mom recently lent me the book "Three Dog Life" -- a memoir. It was OK, but I had to lie a bit because my mom freakin loved the book and I was really ho-hum about it.

Anyway, tonight she dropped off her two dogs at my place. She's going to be parading around Ireland while I have to pick up extra poop.
Craziness is all around me. My mom's dogs are a 40 pound mutt and a 4 pound chihuahua. I have a 14 pound mutt. They are currently brawling at my feet. It is total chaos. There is going to be dog hair everywhere -- my dog just jumpd on my laptop and the 40 pounder just dropped a nasty chew toy on my leg. Tiki, the 4 pounder -- is currently shaking up on top of the couch, right above my shoulder.
It will be an interesting night. We drop the 40 pounder at my brother's house tomorrow and we'll get her back on Saturday. Then we give the 4 pounder to another person to watch and we get the 40 pounder back until early October. Musical dogs... fun!

I think my neighbor is trying to convert me

2008-09-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

Let me preface this by saying that I really like my neighbors. I feel so lucky to live next door to them and that they are so friendly. They have 4 children, the youngest of whom is 4.5 -- right in between Lucas and Amanda. The kids are forever playing together and run between our two houses all the time. I love that... that's the kind of neighbor I've always wanted.

A couple of months ago, my neighbor asked if Amanda would be in a little talent show with her daughter at her church -- she is Mormon. She said her daughter was a bit nervous and would like it if Amanda could do the show with her. We agreed and it was very cute. There was no sales pitch, or anything like that. Then, last Saturday, she stopped by to say that her daughter was going to have a small part in something for her Sunday school and she would like us to be there. I thought, what the heck. My husband warned me that it would be a real service, but I said, no, she just said it was a little show or something. Well, Phil was right. It was a full service with communion and everything. Then the preaching about making sure Prop 8 passes here in California started and I clenched my fists. They were starting to preach about the wrongness of being gay. Anyway, our neighbor's child was very cute and everyone was friendly. I thought that was that.

Today the daughter was playing at our house and when my neighbor came to pick her up, she mentioned that she'd like to have us back at church with her and have the kids go to Sunday school with her daughter. She wants to take me to a few classes. I am Catholic and she knows this. I attend mass probably every other Sunday -- I skipped last Sunday to go to the Mormon service. I thought God would think this is OK -- I personally think if I'm hookin' up with other Christians and thanking God for all I have, he'll give me props.

Now the dilemma. I wouldn't mind going with her to her Church occasionally, I really would not, but I don't want to mislead her. I'm not going to ever convert -- and I'm especially not going to become a Mormon.
I'm a Catholic. I've tried other churches, but they aren't my peeps. It's too ingrained. I don't always agree with some of the teachings of the Pope -- eg. birth control and homosexuality -- but I believe in Christ and I want to live more like him.
What do I do? I don't want to dis my neighbor, but I don't want to lead her on, thinking I might someday convert.

The think about Mormonism -- and I don't intend to offend anyone out there -- is that, as I've read, they believe that you aren't truly baptized in Christ's church unless you are baptized by a Mormon priest. That doesn't make any sense to me. Joseph Smith came along, what in the 1800's. What happened to all those folks baptized for 1800+ years? They say Peter came to Joseph Smith, but Peter was the founder of the Catholic Church, so why would he defect like that?
I don't know.... I like the oldness of my religion. It is comfortable to me, like my favorite pair of jeans. It fits. I like that, at least in my local church, they don't tell me how to vote. I like my politics with my politics and my religion with my religion. I don't believe that Jesus is going to condemn anyone who has tried to lead a good life just because they weren't fortunate to have been baptized by a certain kind of priest. I don't believe you can be Christ-like when you are busy condemning other people. You need to first make sure you are living your own life in a good way and then try to lead people to that way. But don't throw stones at them or condemn them. Only God can do that.

That's all I have to say.
Do you have any advice on how to gingerly let my neighbor know that I won't be converting anytime soon?

New neighbors and fallout from political choices

2008-09-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

New neighbors are moving into Mr. Frank's house. They have two kids -- and their youngest goes to Kindergarten with Luc. We are so happy that the cul-de-sac is filling up with some children for our kids to play with.

Speaking of the neighbors, the new neighbor mom works for a really good orthopedic surgeon in the area. My husband (a PT) speaks highly of him and is hoping that our close proximity will help some referrals come his way. But here is the thing... he said that he'd rather not claim his political leanings to the neighbors. Some of the people he treats have a real hatred for people who are on the other side of the political aisle from themselves. He's afraid that if someone spots my Obama08 car magnet, it might hurt him professionally. I disagree, but then I'm more of a "happy go lucky" type and I would not hold someone's politics against them.
I told him I would remove the magnet if he really wants me to, but he said it is my decision. He's my husband, so my initial reaction is to respect his feelings, but part of me cringes a bit because I don't want to be afraid to publicize my views.
What do you think?

Red meat

2008-09-04T16:26:00.000-07:00

Dude, if I hear another journalist say "red meat" I'm going to freak out! Can't they come up with original ideas. If one journalist uses the term, does every single freakin' other journalist have to start with the same line?

Hate it... 2 more months... blah!!!

2nd tooth gone, bbq and politics

2008-09-01T20:04:00.000-07:00

My baby boy now looks more like he did 5 years ago -- he is missing two of his bottom teeth. The second one came out today and now he is eagerly awaiting the tooth fairy's second visit.
At this rate, I won't be able to afford my mortgage this month....:)

We had a good first week of Kindergarten -- I think. Luc doesn't like to talk much about school. I think he is pretty tired after being there all day and he really doesn't want to rehash everything. But he seems happy. We are ready for week two after a nice Labor Day Weekend. We headed up to my big sis' place on Saturday for some bbq and fun. She has the most awesome backyard and I only saw Lucas for about 5 minutes the whole time -- he was very busy exploring and jumping off walls. Amanda was busy getting makeup applied by her older cousins, so Phil and I actually had a chance to chat with my siblings. It was nice.
Sunday was boring... some chores and errands. Today we hit the local farm for some produce and to get back in touch with nature:) The kids love feeding the animals and Amanda actually went on the pony ride today. She had been too afraid up until today.
We then headed over to our neighbor's house for another bbq. They just put in the most awesome pool, and again my kids were totally oblivious of me for about 3 hours. They went back and forth between the pool and the trampoline. Fun! It was OK for me. I believe all of my neighbors are conservative, so there was lots of political talk going on and it was clear which way they lean. I didn't even get involved because Phil cringes when I do. I just listened and nodded and bit my tongue. I wonder what they'll think when my Obama car magnet comes in the mail. I also got t-shirt. I stopped short of getting the yard sign -- I live on a cul-de-sac, so no one would see it anyway:)

Hope you had a good Labor Day holiday!

Let the education begin!

2008-08-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

We started kindergarten today! I really can't believe we made it to this moment. Some days have seemed endless, but the time as a whole has gone by in the blink of an eye. The end of summer has been filled with so much change for Luc. He is really reading well, his math skills are great, he learned to swing by himself and he lost his first tooth yesterday. He talks on the phone to grandma with ease and enjoys talking about his day. He is teasing his sister a bit less and is a great helper when it is time to clean up.

This morning I was well prepared and there was no rushing -- I'm sure this will not be the norm. I must say that living within a 7 minute walk from school is awesome. I just popped Amanda in the stroller, loaded Luc with his backpack and lunchbox and off we went. No fighting for parking or picking up toys that fall from the car when the door is opened.

We met his teacher yesterday at a little kindergarten orientation and I really like her. She has taught many of the neighbors over her 30 years as a teacher and I have only heard good things.
There were no tears, but I was nervous for Luc. Would he pay attention, would he remember to use the bathroom, would he make any friends? He had a good time, but he said it was a long day.
I'm excited about this new phase in our lives. Things are changing fast and I hope I can keep up.

Oh... we got to see his teacher scoop ice-cream this evening. There was a fundraiser at Cold Stone Creamery and the teachers were working behind the counter. Luc thought it was so cool that his teacher prepared his cotton-candy flavored ice-cream with m&m's mixed in (ew!). Phil and I got a chance to speak with her for quite a while and that was very cool. I'm now stuffed with ice-cream and have lunches to make and a backpack to fill. C-ya!

Obama Veep

2008-08-22T22:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I signed up to be notified of Obama's veep choice, but it appears that there is a leak and it looks like Biden may be the choice. I am a bit annoyed that there was so much hype about the whole text message/email thing and then this gets leaked, but perhaps it's just a bait and switch.

In any case, I am truly disappointed that my pal Hillary isn't the pick. That would make me feel a lot better about voting for the dems -- not that it matters here in Cali. I won't vote for McCain, but I haven't decided 100% about Obama. Again, it doesn't matter much here, so I guess I would feel comfortable writing in Mickey Mouse. I'm not blown away by Obama, unlike some folks I talk with. I don't know, perhaps the last 8 years have left me permanently cynical. I don't trust any of the bs that politicians spew. And Biden... Biden's been in the Senate since before I was born! He's a pro politician.

I'm truly depressed by the whole economic and social situation of this country. Hell, not just this country, but the whole world. And after tomorrow I won't even have my beloved Olympics to divert my attention. The Olympics have been like a pacifier to me this past two weeks. Phil and I have enjoyed spending the evenings watching amazing athletes. We watch sports we wouldn't normally watch and we talk about it all with our kids. It's been such a wonderful distraction. I wish it could go on forever. I've let all my normal nightly rituals slide, although I did finish Crime and Punishment. If you haven't read it, you really should. Talk about misery. That may be another reason why I haven't felt so depressed about my own state of affairs... I'm not penniless, dying of consumption, with 3 young children who may be cast out on the street, and that's just a side-story. But really, it's a good read.

So, now I need a new book recommendation. Anyone...? I seem to be stuck on classics lately, but I would love a really great contemporary novel. If you have a recommendation, bring it!

The dogs are getting to me

2008-08-19T21:00:00.001-07:00

The dog population in our house temporarily doubled last week when my mom left for Maryland and left us with her Daisy. Daisy is a sweet dog. She gets along well with Ruby -- they love to wrestle and play fetch. However, they love me more than I like. Yes, I feed them, clean up after them and give them a pat now and then, but I don't expect their devotion in return. Yet they give it to me... more than I want. The pair is constantly trailing behind me where ever I go. If I go to get a glass of water, there they are. If I am working at my desk, there they are, sitting too close for my comfort. They stand behind me when I wash the dishes, they scratch the door when I take a shower. They climb on the bed when I go to sleep (Daisy, because of her size, gets booted to the dog bed on the floor). I can take the extra fur all over my house, the poop, the roughhousing, but I just can't abide the unconditional canine love.

Only 1 week to go for now, but in September Mom is off to Ireland and we'll again be watching Daisy. I wish mom was not such a jet setter.

Moon

2008-08-16T21:15:00.001-07:00

Right now my husband is trippin' out my non-mathematic, non-scientific mind. My brain is trying wrap it's feeble self around the fact that once a month the dark side of the moon sees a "full earth". When it's a full moon for the earth, it is a "new earth" for the dark side of the moon. When it is a new moon for us, it is a "full earth" for the dark side. The bright side of the moon, which we see, never actually sees the earth. Is that crazy? I can't quite grasp it, which is why, without modern thinkers, I'd just be some hairy man person jumping around every time I saw a shooting star thinking the world was going to end. The whole time that Phil was explaining this moon thing to me, my brain just kept on repeating, "on the dark side, oh yeah. On the dark side, oh yeah." You know you love it!

In other news, Phil took Luc to see the Clone Wars today. Luc loved it. Amanda and I did some girlie things. Phil and I mowed and edged and then tried to clean up the weeds on our side yard. This part of the house is the biggest thorn in our sides. It gets sun all day long and anything we try to grow there just gets cooked. If we had a few extra ducats around it would be the perfect place to build a deck and put our bbq. I'll have to post some pics so you can see the mess. We've spent money putting wood chips there (splinters for the kids) and then we tried grass seed to no avail. I've tried growing veggies, but everything just shrivels up. I wish it was easy to put down cement, because then I'd just pour a bunch down and be done with it. Anyway, we weedwhacked the weeds -- they were taller than my son.
If we do end up selling this place, we have to come up with some solution for this area. It's really such a waste of our large yard.

We're still on loose-tooth watch right now.

Oh, big news! Lucas can now swing by himself. This was a big deal. We've been working on it for a while, but it's one of those things that just needs to "click". Well, the other day it clicked and now Luc can swing all by himself... he doesn't even need a starting push. So, for the first day of Kindergarten, he will be able to tie his own shoes and swing by himself. We just have to work on riding the bike without training wheels and we'll be set! He is getting so freakin big!

Big news for Amanda isn't great. She's got a problem with her Achilles tendon -- it's too short. She cannot walk on her full foot, but instead walks like a ballerina. Our Ped. confirmed our suspicions and we have an appt. with an orthopod in 2 weeks and they will most likely fit her with braces to be worn for about 6 months. Phil is doing stretching with her, but it is a bummer.

What have you been up to?

Movie review and I'm just a grownup

2008-08-09T23:00:00.000-07:00

Phil and I had spent a nice evening at the movies. We went to see The Dark Knight and it was great. The acting was better than the plot, something you don't expect from a comic book movie. All of the lead actors did a superb job and the movie was definitely worth the $20+ spent.
Wait, it wasn't 20, it was about $56, including the babysitter.

Babysitter.... this is the second time we've left the kids with a non-relative sitter and I think it went well. They were asleep when we came home, so we'll find out more in the morning. The sitter is our next-door neighbor. She is 13, sweet and her parents need to watch out because she is gorgeous. Anyway, the babysitter makes me feel really old. I can still remember being a babysitter, I can remember being that age (although I never looked like her!). I still feel young so I try to converse with the young like I am one of them. Except, I am not, and they make it very obvious by their one word responses to inquiries. My husband I and tried to talk with her about the movie and other pleasantries, but she didn't bite. The girl would not converse with us. She wanted to take the money and run from these oldies. Damn! I have turned into the parents that used to pay me when I would watch their little ones. I must say that I hate it. I just want to scream, "I'm cool, I really am!"

Are we hanging on by a thread?

2008-08-05T22:02:00.000-07:00

I went to the pharmacy today to pick up my crazy pills and I totally got freaked out. I was waiting for the pharmacy guy to find my medicine and I suddenly realized how much medicine is there. Then I turned around and saw the long line of poor souls waiting for their meds. There were bottles of all different colors and sizes. Bags and bags with names of my neighbors, just waiting to be picked up.
I mean, it was seriously frightening.
This is just one little pharmacy in my small city. While I was waiting in line, there were thousands and thousands of other people waiting all around the country for their medicine.
Sure, some folks are just there for their ambien, but there are others, like my husband, who need their medicine to live -- they would die within days without it.
It made me think that we are somewhat feeble.
I say this, as I take my crazy pill. Without it I might live, but what kind of life would it be?

The tooth is loose and I love Golden Spoon

2008-08-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

The first loose tooth has been spotted in the Crouse Haus!!! The little man is almost as excited as I am. Well, I should say that he is totally jazzed while I have a lot of jazzy feelings mixed with bittersweet sentiments about my oldest passing this milestone.
How can he already be 5 1/2? How did the years pass in an absolute blink and I'm now getting ready to send him to kindergarten -- minus one tooth?
He told me the tooth was loose last week, but I couldn't feel it. Maybe I didn't want to. Tonight he said, "Mommy, my tooth is really loose now!" I took one look at his smile and could see that crooked tooth barely hanging on. I gave it a little wiggle and my stomach did flips.
He jumped up and down and said, "The tooth fairy is coming, the tooth fairy is coming!"
Then he got very serious and said, "Mommy, is there really, really a tooth fairy?" I paused for a half a second and then I lied to my dear son. "Yes, Lucas, there really is a tooth fairy."
I did have to break it to him that, no, the tooth fairy doesn't bring dollar bills, but she might be bringing quarters these days -- I got dimes.

If you happen to live near a nifty little yogurt shop called Golden Spoon, I highly recommend you stop in and pick up a cold treat. I just discovered this place over the weekend and all I can say is "yummy!" It brings me back to my teenage days when there was a yogurt store on every corner. They suddenly shut down when all the hype about carbs and cutting out sugar became the rage. Well, yogurt is back and it's not your grandma's yogurt. It is low fat or fat free and low carb. The mini -- plenty for most folks -- only contains 68 calories and 15 carbs! I had mine with tasty fresh raspberries. The other bonus... it costs quite a bit less than your high fat Cold Stone type ice creams. The ingredient list doesn't look too scary, so I think it must be that there is a lot of air or something in there, because man, it tastes great and on hot days -- as we are likely to have for the next 3 months -- it goes down smooth!

Get to me via maureen.me, can't believe I never posted this and some notes

2008-08-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

You can now get to my site by typing in maureen.me. Simple dimple!

When we took our vacation last month we passed through the quiet little town of Spreckles, CA. Right as we were leaving the town, we saw this guy:

Does that picture look suggestive to you?
These weird giant wood people were everywhere. We also spotted quite a few in Monterey.

In other news, the sleep deprivation in the Crouse Haus continues. The kids are now nightly trying to join our bed in the wee hours. Amanda has had a few accidents lately and when Luc awakens and sees his sister isn't in the room, he ultimately finds us cramped in our bed. I usually end up walking Luc back to his room and then sleeping with him. It has gotten a bit out of hand and I can't seem to correct it. They go to sleep just fine, but they keep waking up and wandering into our room. We tried a sleep chart (stay in your room until 7 a.m.) and that worked the first time, but once the chart was done, the old sleep habits came back. Our second attempt at a sleep chart has failed.
I'm OK on 5 or 6 hours sleep -- not at my best, but not too bad. Phil, on the other hand, is a complete bear if he doesn't get at least 7 uninterrupted hours. The option of me just sleeping in the other room with the kids wouldn't work either (not that I'd want to do that) because he doesn't sleep well if I'm not there:)

Our dryer has decided to die for good. We are now looking at used dryers. It's been almost 3 weeks of drying clothes outside, but I can't keep it up. Sure, if I didn't have a job, maybe that would work, but I can only really get one load hung up and taken down per day because I have lots of other shit to do. I located a dryer on Craigslist advertised for $100. I was totally ready to pay the full amount (I almost never haggle, I don't know how) but when my husband went to look at it, the kind folks said they would only take $75. My wonderful sis-in-law is going to loan us our truck tomorrow so that we can pick it up.

Swim lessons are going well. Amanda still won't dunk her head, but we're making progress. Lucas is doing amazingly well. He is starting to get some real strokes in there between the dog paddling. The breathing thing is tough to get, but we still have 3 more weeks of lessons. Then I just have to hit the lottery so we can build a pool!

I have to warn you against a movie. If you haven't seen it yet, don't waste your time on Cloverfield. If I was in my early 20's I might have enjoyed it more, but at 34, it was a complete waste of my time. Phil and I just put our dvd player in our bedroom -- his brother gave him a ps3 for his b-day, so that works as a dvd player in the family room now. Last night I was dog tired so I suggested watching the movie in the back. After it was over -- and I still can't believe I let myself watch the whole thing -- I was left thinking, "I gave up writing my nightly 1000 words for this?" I've been trying to stick to a schedule of writing 1000 words every single night. Sometimes those words are meant for my book, other times they just end up being any random thing. But the point is for me to do it, to keep that muscle working and hopefully every so often a gem will pop out. I'm also reading Crime and Punishment for the first time. I have to say that I am surprised that I love it. The Russian names are a bear but I am thoroughly enjoying it and find myself trying to get through my nightly 1000 words so that I have time to read.
Where was I.... oh yes, don't rent Cloverfield. Instead, write 1000 words and then read Crime and Punishment.

I'm dumb!!!

2008-07-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

Maybe the rest of you knew it all along. I always thought I was just a regular person, not particularly smart, but not the biggest dummy on the planet. Well, I was proven wrong tonight.
I'll have to go back about a week....
Last Wednesday our dishwasher seemed to get sick out of the blue. I filled it up and pushed the button and nothing happened. The little light didn't go on. I pushed a bunch of buttons. Looked under the sink to make sure it was plugged in, checked the circuit breaker and even checked the little interrupter (I'm not sure if that's what it is called) that is on the outlet where the garbage disposal switch is. Nada. OK. It needs a repairman.
Cut to Thursday when my husband gets off work early. He was already pissed because the ultrasound machine and the heating system for his hot packs went out on him at work. Then he goes for a jog and jumps in the shower only to be met with ice-cold water. I check the water heater and the pilot is out. My hubby takes his cold shower and is even more annoyed. We relight the pilot and think that is the end of it.
I have to add here that my husband is about the least "handy" person you will ever meet. Every, and I mean every, household fix situation is met with multiple trips to the hardware store and much swearing. It almost never works out and either the project is just a half-assed job or we have to call in the pros.
Anyway, we thought the pilot was fixed. Friday morning (holiday) my husband jumps in the shower and it is ice-cold again. I had just washed the breakfast dishes (by hand because dishwasher still out) and I had warm water. Well, I guess it was just left over. I run to the back room when I hear my husband swearing and am met with an ugly hole in our bathroom door. Yes, he punched a hole in the door. My husband is a pacifist. WTF! I swear, house problems just send his blood pressure up more than anything.

Now my house is a total wreck. No hot water, no dishwasher, hole in the door....
We head to Home Depot because I look up online that the problem with the water heater could be the thermocouple. We look around the store and find one -- they only have one kind and it says universal. Well, it wasn't universal for our heater. Fuck! That wasn't me, that was my husband. After we took the thing apart, which was very difficult because the water heater was made for people with hands the size of elves, the thermocouple we bought wouldn't fit. We relight the pilot and miraculously it stays lit. I don't know why, and I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth. It's been relit since the 4th of July. Happy day, one problem solved.

Dishwasher has still been out and I've been washing by hand -- it sucks, especially since I have bad eczema and the gloves don't always work well. Anyway, I've been too busy with work and kids to call a repairman and I just don't really have the money right now.
Today I went to use my blender to chop some veggies. I plugged it in to the outlet that is clear across the kitchen from the dishwasher. It wouldn't turn on. I pushed the little red button on the outlet and that did the trick. On a hunch, I walked across the room to the dishwasher and pushed the start button. The freakin light turned on!
God damn am I dumb. I should have tried all the outlets, but I thought that the one closest to the dishwasher would be the one it was connected to.
Anyway, I'm so glad I didn't have $60 to call the repairman, otherwise my dumbness would have been known by others.

Last day and could a lightning bug live in L.A.?

2008-06-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I think I'll cry. My oldest (my baby boy) will go to his last day of preschool tomorrow. He's been at the school for 2.5 years now and it's been such a wonderful place for him. He's made some great buds and I love that the teachers have time to chat with me when I drop him off or pick him up. I know the other moms and dads and I also love that I can drop him off anywhere from 8:15 to 9 a.m.
I'll see all the teachers next year because my daughter will still attend the school, but I just know I'm going to lose it when I check his cubby and folder for the last time. Wahhhh!!! How did 5.5 years go by so fast. God, I can still remember the little cry-bag that Luc was when he was tiny. I remember when he called me his best friend for the first time and how he said, and still says, that he'd rather spend time with me than with anyone else in the world. I know that once he starts Kindergarten things will start to change. It's good, but I'm such nostalgic freak that it's also bad.
I'm also not looking forward to having to get miss sleepy-pants up and ready by 8:00 to walk her brother to school.

We'll go on a short vacation up to Big Sur and San Francisco next week and then Amanda will be back at school and Luc will start camp. He is so excited for camp. They have an awesome fort and they get to go swimming every day. He's going to love it.

Speaking of summer, we had our first June bug visit us last night. Some years we get tons and others we just see a few little dudes on our porch. Unfortunately, the first one was quickly eaten by the newest member of our family and I quickly scolded her. Ruby was very confused because I always cheer her one when she is gobbling down a moth or fly. But I love June bugs. Sure they don't seem like the smartest bugs on the planet -- they are always crash landing onto our patio -- but they mark the beginning of summer and I'm always a little sad when they have gone for the year.
The little "Junies", as I call them, made me think of lighting bugs. I've only seen them once -- when I went to visit a friend in Philly in early June back when I was a teenager. I loved them. I loved the whole idea of sitting on the front porch in the crazy humidity, eating some water (wooder) ice and watching the fireflies. I wish we could send away for a box of fireflies -- you know, like how you can by a little carton of ladybugs -- and let them loose for the kids. Now, there's a marketing idea! There's probably an issue with them being a non-native species and perhaps causing problems, but still, the kids would dig it.

Green Stuff

2008-05-15T15:17:00.000-07:00

I'm all for going green, but this is ridiculous!
When we first moved into this house and put my son in his room, he suddenly developed allergies that were pretty significant and disturbed his sleep. We put him on an allergy medicine and it only worked minimally. About a year or so after we moved in, my son started sleeping in his sister's room. They just liked sleeping together and his allergies seemed to subside. I thought maybe it was the time of year. I had pulled up a tiny piece of his carpet to see if there was any mold and I didn't see any. We recently decided to put both kids back in Luc's room because it was bigger. Not two nights after they were in the room, Luc's allergies were back. We moved them back to the smaller room and the allergies disappeared. I'm no scientist, but I figured there must be a relationship between the room (which is now my office) and his allergies.

I decided to pull up more of the carpet and when I did, I almost threw up.

Black, green and fuzzy mold. Gross. I'm working in this shit and my poor son was sleeping and playing in here.
We've only lived here 2 years and never had a leak that we know of, so this stuff must have been here for a while. My husband and I were going to wait until school is out and then pull the carpet up and install vinyl floors ourselves -- yes, it's cheesy, but it's cheap and waterproof.
But ever since I saw the stuff, I can't stop thinking about it. Every time I open the door to my office, I can smell it. I imagine all the spores filling my lungs.

What would you do? Would you wait or do it now? My husband is more of a waiter -- you know he hates to part with his money. Me... any excuse to get rid of carpet is good enough for me:)

Kindergarten

2008-04-30T21:53:00.000-07:00

Luc and I walked down to his future kindergarten today. They had a tour for new students. I hated it. I want him to go to the private school up the road, but apparently we didn't donate enough time or money to the church this year. There is another private school that he did get into, but the almost $8K price tag just doesn't work for us right now.
I toured both the private schools and loved them. The classrooms were beautiful, the teachers were very willing to talk and answer all sorts of questions and the overall academic program seemed just what I was looking for. The added bonus of some religion and uniforms made the schools even more attractive.
I didn't go to public elementary school, so I am biased. I feel they are yucky.... but I am crazy. My very smart husband is the product of a public K-college education.

The school is going to be very full this fall -- four kindergarten classes -- so the little ones will have to eat lunch and play in the big yard, with all of those giant 5th graders. I know Luc is going to come home saying "Fuck" on the first day.
The teachers didn't really impress me... but the school doesn't go out of its way to impress you because they know if you had the money to go elsewhere, you would.

The bathrooms are clean, the yard is nice and they have a new computer lab.
I don't know. I think this may all just be that I don't want Luc to grow up and so I don't want him to go to kindergarten at all.
I didn't relay any of my dislike of the school to Luc... I was all "oooh and ahhh and isn't that cool." I want him to love school as much as I did. I want to love his school, but I just have to get over my ideas of public schools not being as good as private.

34

2008-04-19T20:10:00.001-07:00

There, I typed it. I'm 34 today. I'm over it... not really.
I'm one of those annoying people who hates birthdays. I don't like thinking about them and about a week before the day each year, I start to get grumpy. At first it's like, "what is wrong with me? Why am I being such a biotch and why am I so depressed?" The day before the big day it dawns on me what the attitude has been all about. It's not about my self-absorbed children or my husband who has seemed "in the way" for the past week. It is my realization that I'm another year older and another year has gone by the same as the last.
OK, so I'm depressed. I feel like Ziggy walking around with a black cloud over my head right now. I will feel better in a few days, but right now it sucks.
We attempted the family dinner out tonight and it went well. We went to a Chinese place and the kids were only part chimp instead of their usual full chimp selves.
My husband got me an ipod -- something I've been desiring for the past few months and it will be cool to plug it in the car or hook it up to some portable device (not yet purchased) to bring outside this summer.
Now I'm enjoying a beer outside and figuring out how I'm going to pull off my Earth Day party tomorrow. There's so much left to do....

On a brighter note, this week I spent $1K. It was the best grand I've ever spent. I got a bunch of rooms in my house painted by pros -- no, not hookers.
I've never hired a painter. I have painted so many rooms I could cry. As I attempted to paint my family room/hallway/bathrooms a few months ago, I came down with pneumonia. I was pretty ill, and the walls remained primed and half painted for a couple of months. Then my wrist started acting up (old injury) and I realized that I just couldn't do it. My husband, who hates to part with money, was hesitant about dropping a large amount of cash on something we should be able to do ourselves. But I persisted and won and he is actually pleased with the results. The shit got done in one freakin day instead of 2 months! If you have the means, I highly recommend picking up a painter:)

The dinner party that should have never been

2008-04-12T20:08:00.001-07:00

I could add a picture, but I won't. It is too grotesque.
The day started off fine and I had no expectations for dinner, except that it would have to be somewhat easy since I was going to be out of the house almost all day.
I started the day with a morning birthday party for a classmate of Amanda. We had a good time and the weather, although a bit warm, was perfect for a party in the park.
On the way home we had to stop at the market to pick up some things for t-ball because it was our week for snacks. When I passed the freezer section, I saw a large frozen lasagna that called my name. I don't know why. I'm not the frozen lasagna type of person, but I quickly thought, that would be good to pop in the oven after the game and I don't have to do much.
We got home -- full of sugar and excitement from bouncing around in a Dora bounce house -- and quickly had to head out the door for t-ball.
T-ball was hot and the team has improved. My mom stopped by to watch the game and I invited her to dinner -- even though my house was a wreck and I only had a giant frozen lasagna.
She decided to stop at the market for some garlic bread and chianti.

We get home. Lasagna says it takes 2 hours to cook. Holy shit! Two hours -- it was already 4:45. So I ditched that idea and opted for some tortellini (kids cheer) and a salad.
Fine. Husband decides to cook dinner -- even better.
We sit down to dinner when out of the corner of my eye I spy the dog throwing up on the living room carpet. Bon Appetite!
Clean up the mess. Enjoy a nice dinner.
Kids clear their plates and begin horsing around in the living room. My mom and I were chatting at the table -- with our 2nd glasses of chianti -- when something flew across the room and knocked a wine glass off the table.
Red wine splattered everywhere. My mom's initial reaction was, "Oh my God!". To which my daughter, the person who flung the dog bed across the room, responded by screaming hysterically.
I tried to calm her down before I looked at the damage.
I'm not the type of person who gets mad over spilled milk or things like that.
But when I went to the other side of the table and saw the disaster, my mouth just hung open. Dots of red wine were -- are -- everywhere.
I could have kicked myself for not buying the bottle of "wine away" when I was at Cost Plus yesterday. I saw the bottle and said to myself, "I rarely drink red wine and I've never spilled any, I don't think I'll need this."
I quickly got online to see what could be done. I sprinkled salt all over the stains to stop them from absorbing. Then I poured the other bottle of wine my mom brought (a white wine) all over the mess -- something about the white wine counteracting the red.
I don't think it's gonna work, folks. The carpet is a disaster. It looks like someone was shot at my dinner table.

After dinner we sat outside and were talking when my daughter started wailing (again). Apparently she walked with barefeet on some wood chips and she got a bunch of splinters. My husband had to hold her down while I extracted them.
Overall it was a nice night, but now I have an injured daughter and a ruined carpet and I didn't even get to eat any damned lasagna.

35 days without a car and newspapers

2008-03-28T21:35:00.000-07:00

We did it, we went more than a month without owning a car. Yes, we did find it necessary to rent a car for about a total of 8 days out of that 35 -- couldn't shirk our duties as the parents of a t-ball player -- but we went the better part of a month without a vehicle. I should say, *I* went the better part of a month. My husband had his scooter for travel to and from work. But I did it. I hauled bags of groceries and two toddlers in a jogging stroller for miles. We walked to the library, the bank, the park, the mall, the movie theater and school.
We learned to go without things we didn't need because we didn't have a way to get them. We enjoyed spending more time at home and less time with the television. The dog got a lot of exercise and we got a lot of strange looks from our neighbors.

It's all come to an end. Our new Altima was delivered this morning. I'm hoping I've learned a few lessons from this month. In being forced to spend time walking with my kids instead of in the car, where the radio is turned on or the kids are looking at books or toys, I learned a lot about them. We had lots of talks about math, bugs, dinosaur bones and litterbugs. My kids have learned that life isn't always super easy and sometimes you have to carry shit yourself. Lucas has already seems to want to be a bit more self-reliant after a month spend helping me carry bags and things.
The new car is fine, it's generic and something I'll use to get places that are too far to walk, but I hope we can keep the slow pace and enjoy each other's company and enjoy the beautiful city we live in.

As I was preparing dinner tonight a young man came to the door. He was selling subscriptions to the L.A. Times. I've been meaning to restart my weekend subscription for some time, but haven't gotten around to it. It was so nice to talk to an intelligent 16 year old and he seemed very nice and articulate. Usually when I come across a teenager these days and I say something to them, they stare at me with bug eyes and do not respond. It is so weird. I don't remember ever not responding to an adult when I was a teen. But they seem so afraid these days. Maybe I'm just freakin old. Anyway, this kid was a breath of fresh air.
I used to deliver the newspaper -- it was my first job, when I was 12!! Yes, at 12 I was riding around on my bike delivering papers after school and going around by myself collecting money each month. Can you imagine? Now kids don't have that opportunity. There are no more evening papers and I'm sure there never will be again. It was so cool to have my own money at a young age. I used to babysit at 12 as well. These days there are few families that would entrust their kids to a 12 year old. How is a young person to earn money? I think it was a really good experience for me... to earn my own cash, and not by washing my mom's car. It was something separate from my family and it was only by my hard work that I could come by this money -- mostly used for movies and candy:)

Easter was good

2008-03-24T20:05:00.000-07:00

All ready to head to Aunt Katie's

We had a very nice but tiring Easter. The kids were up way too early and there were way too many jelly beans floating around the house. I was stoked that Jelly Belly introduced some "natural" jelly beans, so that means no more meltdowns due to artificial colors. My son is extremely sensitive to food dyes, so we try to be careful but usually allow him to have a few things on holidays. Now I don't have to. Whole foods has gummi bears, jelly beans and even fake m&ms without artificial colors. Yeah!!!! I have found a place online that sells lollipops with no fake colors -- I keep those stashed in my purse to give after doc. appointments. If you saw my son about 20 minutes after he ingested artificial colors, you would be amazed.

After the morning watching the new videos the kids received from the bunny, we headed out for our holiday hike. It's become sort of a ritual to hike to the top of Tarantula hill (the kids call it a mountain) on every holiday. It's a nice way to burn off the excesses consumed during a holiday breakfast.

top of tarantula hill

Then it was off to Aunt Katie's for some extended family fun. My sis has an awesome house and yard and the 11 cousins were treated to a huge egg hunt. The eggs weren't huge, but there were a huge number of them. Everyone walked away with bulging bags of easter eggs. My kids were good enough to allow me to remove all the illegal candy. There was wine, ham, angel foodcake with strawberries and cream, and good coffee. The weather was gorgeous and I had a very relaxing time. It is so crazy that just a year ago I would not have even had a minute to sit down because I would have been chasing my kids everywhere. This year it was like, "Lucas, no, I don't know where he is." They are totally good to be on their own while at a party. It is nice and I don't know if I could start over again.

Amanda enjoying the spoils

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Crap! We are being invaded!

2008-03-22T20:29:00.000-07:00

I went to pull up the blinds in my kids' room this morning and I looked up and out the window. What I saw truly horrified me -- wasps, many of them. I've written before about our spring battles with these suckers, but this year is going to be horrific considering it is only the 2nd day of spring.
There were 5 or 6 wasps in our eaves -- it's hard to describe, but there are little sections and in five sections a wasp was preparing a nest. Yes, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, 5 little nests being created right next to each other. My kids had a fun morning watching all the action. I was counting the hours until sunset when my husband could move in for the counter-attack.
What the hell is going on? When we lived a few miles away, I rarely saw a wasp cruising our yard. This house seems to put off some sort of wasp pheromone.
I'm scared shitless.
We usually eat lunch outside when the weather is nice, so today we had to bring our little picnic table out front to eat -- there was no way I was hanging out in the backyard with those predators.
My husband knocked down all the nests this evening, but I know they'll be back.
I was so looking forward to spring and summer, but now I only wish we could live in perpetual fall.

Never thought I'd say it and another reason I like my name

2008-03-20T21:07:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd say it, but here goes, satellite radio is freakin' cool. I always thought of it sort of like Tivo -- I don't have Tivo and I'm still totally high and mighty about that:)
I felt the same way about satellite radio until today. Why would I pay to listen to the radio? The only thing on the radio that I pay for is NPR and that is about the only thing I've been listening to lately -- aside from kid music.
Today I found it necessary to rent a car, so I hauled myself, two kids and two booster seats down to the rental place. They had a Hyundai Santa Fe (which, god help me, I love!). The car came equipped with satellite radio, which was programmed to an '80s station. Okay, I was diggin it. The songs weren't the ones you hear over and over on some local radio stations. This evening I was driving to the library to return some books and I turned on the "Heart" station. Holy shit, it was like Kost without the corny djs and letters from lonely hearts. First they played a Chicago tune that immediately transported me to 10th grade. Then I was treated to Barry Manilow's "Mandy", which has a new place in my heart because of my daughter's name. There were a couple more goodies and I found myself sitting in the library parking lot listening to many songs from my teens. Total goodness. On the drive home I flipped to the comedy channel and even that was pretty cool. I don't spend very much time in the car, so I don't think I could justify $12/mo. If I did drive more often, I would totally get this in my car.

Speaking of cars, we should have one sometime next week. I am torn about the whole thing. When I rented the car today and was driving around for errands I felt very free -- but I don't want to feel that way. It's like wanting to give away all of your material goods for the good of others, but still finding yourself coveting someone's pretty earrings or new sofa. It is so damn hard to be less materialistic, especially when you have kids and you want to see them dressed in cute little outfits. They don't give a shit, but I do. I can't resist. Is it important? No -- I know this deep down, but I've been programmed and I can't seem to delete that file from my brain.

Ah, yes, my name. I've always rather liked my name. It is a bit old-timey, and not at all "cute", but for some reason I've always been proud of it -- perhaps too proud.
When we named Amanda, I thought it was cool that she had a bunch of songs with her name in them. My son Lucas isn't quite as lucky -- there are a few songs out there, but some are a bit explicit. There are a bunch of songs with my husband's name, Phil, but they are mostly instrumental, blues or jazz, and he does not like Blues or Jazz (damn him, because I do).
My name, surprisingly, was flush with songs. I didn't even expect one. Eddie Money sang a song called Maureen, as did Sade (love her) and Fountains of Wayne. There are some others, but those are my favs. Cool.

So, who sang a song about you?

Thick or thin

2008-03-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

I felt a bit like I have been back in my senior year of high school this past week. We applied at a local private school for my son, who will start kindergarten in the fall. The school is beautiful, small and they have some wonderful programs. The uniforms are an added bonus. Anyway, letters of acceptance were to go out this month and I've been running to the mailbox every day hoping for a letter. Today we got one. I looked at the envelope and it was pretty skimpy -- the Web site said that the acceptance letters would also contain the registration agreements. But the envelope didn't look like it could contain much. I was shaking as I opened the letter... Congratulations, we'd love to have Lucas at our school for the 2008-2009 school year!
We got in! Now there is the little issue of tuition. It's about $7500/year. I'm paying more than that for preschool right now, but if we go to the local public school, I'll pay nothing.
I just get such a good vibe from this Episcopal school and feel that Lucas would really thrive there.
What to do....
I've got about 10 days to make a decision and then talk Phil into agreeing with me.

5 years

2008-03-17T13:16:00.001-07:00

It's so hard to believe that some of the young people going over to serve in Iraq now were just becoming teenagers when this whole mess began.

no car days numbered

2008-03-14T23:07:00.000-07:00

I've been walking my ass off this week and I've quite enjoyed it. Really.
But all the walking will come to an end in about 10 days -- we have a friend who works for a Nissan dealership, so we'll be leasing a vehicle from them. We did a short lease so that in 2 years we can revisit things and see if we can afford a hybrid. As it is, the altima will get better gas mileage than my van did and I'm hoping that I've developed some good habits in the past couple of weeks.

We walked to dinner tonight with the kids -- the Catholic church up the street (I'm a Catholic who goes to mass sometimes) was having a Fish Fry for lent. They do it every Friday and it was really cool. Lots of friendly people, entertainment, and, all you Catholics can appreciate, a 50/50 raffle. We didn't win the raffle, but the kids had a blast. It really reminded me about the sense of belonging you can feel in belonging to a church. It's the people -- you may not agree with everything the leadership of a church says, but the members of that church often have a lot in common with you.

The credit game

2008-03-12T21:35:00.000-07:00

FICO
Fucking Insolent Corrupt Organization

I hate the credit reporting agencies. Who are they to tell me I have average credit? I was checking our reports today and was shocked at our less than stellar number. The reasons astound me and seem so unfair. We have no bad debts. No collections on our accounts, not one single late payment. Yes, we have a high debt-ratio, but all bills have been paid on time year after year. So what's the problem? Simply that we have used our credit and hold high balances on our open accounts.
We've had a difficult year and had to use a lot of our personal credit for my husband's business. On top of that, my husband has taken out a loan for his business in his own name. So, on paper it looks like we are responsible for all the debt, when in fact, his business pays for much of them.
Aye!
In the past few days we've been able to pay off more than half of our personal debt -- by way of selling my car. And the rest should be knocked out at the end of the month. So, in theory our numbers should go up since we'll have no negatives on our account and also no balances on our credit accounts (will still have that nasty business loan). But it still chaps my hide. I'm a good citizen. I pay my taxes, I pay my bills and I bathe my children. Why does this number go around and tell people that I am less than trustworthy?

No car thing

2008-03-11T20:53:00.000-07:00

We are still a family without a car and I'm feeling fine about it. I can walk the kids to school in about 12 minutes and then it's 12 minutes back. That is almost the same amount of time it takes me to load them into the car and drive to school, unload and then get back. I say my goodbye quicker now, so I can get to work sooner.
I am spending less money overall because I'm not spending any free time shopping -- I'm at home working, playing with the kids or cleaning the messes said kids create. I have the groceries delivered (I often find free delivery coupons online) and I spend less that way because there are no impulse buys.
Even our dog makes out because she gets to enjoy our company more often.

So, what's the problem, you say? It's the pressure, man. The pressure from the husband, the mom and all of the others who tsk, tsk when they hear we are a family of four without an automobile. I imagine people think I'm some weirdo and one step away from pushing a shopping cart while talking to myself. It's not that I care if people think I'm too poor to have a car. I don't really give a rat's ass about keeping up the the Jones' new BMW. But I do care if people think I'm a bad parent or a bit dim because I don't want a car.

If it weren't for the outside pressures, I could seriously see myself living without a car for quite a while. I was watching a program with Phil the other night and it really scared me. It was a global warming piece -- yes, I've seen An Inconvenient Truth. But this show caught me at just the right time. I heard the message loud and clear that one day soon there will come a point of no return. Got it? A point of no return. A point when we can't save the planet for our children and grandchildren. A point when we give them not hope, but despair. I saw it and said to myself that I've got to take some action. How can I expect everyone else to do so if I don't? I curse the Hummers driving up and down the road, but I still drive from point A to point B when I don't really have to. I spend on things that I don't need. I take a long shower with the water steaming hot. Something about the program made me feel like small changes aren't enough any longer. We all need to make drastic changes.
I already do the little things -- bring my bags to Trader Joes, use natural cleaners in my house, run the dishwasher when full, turn off lights and machines when not needed, bring bags on my walks so I can pick up trash. But what's the biggest problem right now? Our dependence on gas-guzzling cars. Even with the increasing price of gas, I see new large vehicles on the road every day.

In giving into my husband's pleas for me to find a vehicle, I started to browse the listings for hybrid or alternative fuel cars. There is one major problem with most of them -- they are cost-prohibitive. If we do buy a car, we want it to be safe. Any mid-sized car would do, but with a mid-sized hybrid, you are looking at about $25K. VW is coming out with a diesel suv wagon thingy that sounds really provocative, but it doesn't come to the US until September and my husband nearly died when I told him I'd like to wait that long.

If I do cave, we'll probably just go for a standard, fuel-efficient vehicle and try to drive as little as possible. The problem, of course, is that if you have it, you tend to use it. I don't miss it right now, but I don't know how tempting it will be to just hop in the car to grab a gallon of milk like I used to.

This post has gone on much longer than I intended. I'll just close by saying that I'm going to challenge myself to make some big changes in my daily life and I ask you to do the same. Our planet is depending on us to take care of her before it's too late.

They're baaaaaaack!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-03-11T14:35:00.000-07:00

Spring is finally here. But it's not March 20th, you say. Well, tell that to the wasps who have returned to keep me captive inside my house.
They show up every spring and build a nest in the same location -- right under where I take out the trash. I just popped outside to empty the garbage and saw two huge suckers flying up into the eaves. Damn them! Who are they to invade my peace and sanctuary?
My husband has knocked down 4 nests since we moved here and I'll have to send him out tonight to do another. I'm sure we'll have at least one, but probably two more nest attempts before the end of summer.
I had dreams of going to the side of the house to pull weeds after I'm done with work for the day, but I'll have to put it off for another day. If you read some of my posts from last spring you'll know that I have an extreme (ridiculously extreme) phobia of flying, stinging insects.

Late

2008-03-09T21:50:00.000-07:00

Our local elementary school is about a 5 minute walk from our house. We pass it as we walk to preschool in the morning and most days I am hitting the elementary school right around the time that class should be starting. I've noticed something odd recently... a lot of kids are late for school every day. Parents are pulling up to school a good 3 minutes after the bell has rung. Kids run with backpacks and sweatshirts askew -- they run as the school attendants begin to lock all the gates.
OK... my kids are both in preschool and can show up anytime from 8:15 - 9 a.m., so I shouldn't really throw stones, but come on, people. I don't think I was ever late for elementary school. My parents had to manage 7 kids and we were always there on time. I know, I know, we've got a lot going on in our lives. Moms and Dads are both working, so they have to do a lot more to prepare in the morning. But don't we have an obligation to teach our kids how important school is and, equally, how important time is to other people -- the other kids who are in class, the teacher who has worked on the lesson plan....
When we show our kids that we don't have to be there on time, even though other people are, we are teaching them that other people aren't as important as we are. It's an easy way to show kids how to respect other people.

I detest tardiness. Yes, I have been guilty of it and so I try to forgive tardiness in others, but it's one thing to be late yourself and something else to make your child late.

We'll see what song I'm singing next year when Lucas starts kindergarten -- "we were up so late doing homework, I was out of cereal and my washer wasn't working." I know that I'll be tested, but I hope I can pass. I hope my kids won't be late.

Day three kicks my butt and tv

2008-03-06T16:47:00.000-08:00

Day three is done. My 33 year old muscles are aching but I'm determined. Before I had my son, I was a workout freak. I was in excellent shape and hit the gym at least 4 times a week. Since I gave birth, I have become a bit of a slacker. Yes, I chase after the kids at the park, and throw the ball around with them, but I've not dedicated a specific amount of time to exercise every day. I guess that is why the muscles in my back are screaming at me to stop pushing around about 120 pounds for miles and miles -- that's two kids at about 88 pounds total and a jogging stroller that I'm guessing weighs at least 40 pounds.

Walking everywhere is fine and it really doesn't take too much more time than driving around locally -- when you count getting kids in and out of the car, hitting stop lights and finding parking.

We will have to have a hiatus tomorrow afternoon since we must rent a car. We have to attend my aunt's 85th birthday celebration and I'm just not up to walking 15 miles each way:)

As for television, I've started to restrict it. Lucas watched almost no television when he was a little tot. But with the addition of his sister and me starting to work from home, things changed. Somewhere along the line they got out of hand. The kids are early risers -- about 6 a.m. -- and that's not late enough for me to get up before them and get shit done. So while they much on rice krispies and watch some noggin or pbs, I shower, start coffee, pack lunches and check in with work. This started to become a routine of tv from 6:30 to 8. Then, mom has got to have peace while she makes dinner, so they get another 45 minutes or so in the evening. Add in 20 minutes here and there while I make important phone calls or wrap up billing stuff and you are up to a ridiculous amount of tv for a preschooler. The madness must stop. I was all high and mighty because the kids don't watch commercial tv -- Noggin does have some limited commercials, but absolutely no Nickolodeon or Network tv allowed for the kids. But they were watching too much. I started to just say no to tv during the day. At first I was met with much complaining, but the kids are learning to be creative at 7 a.m.
I still have the 30-45 minutes of tv allowed while I prepare dinner, and I don't see that going away any time soon.

I used to wonder how my mom did it -- we only watched limited tv in the evenings and on weekends. But now I remember that we could just walk to a friends house, wander around outside or do whatever the hell we wanted. If we were in the yard for hours, my mom didn't fret. In this day and age, parents have such a short leash on their kids, that no wonder kids watch so much tv. We don't let them ride their tricycles around the block alone, so they hover.
I don't see myself shooing the kids out the front door on their own for a couple of years, so I just have to make sure my paint and play-do cupboard is fully stocked.