PMS can be a good thing

For the past 4 months my husband has had to listen to me give the reasons why having a 3rd child would be a great thing for our family. I've really had the baby bug lately -- part of it is because I'm 33 now and if I want to have a child before that magic age of 35 when you have to start doing all the genetic testing, I should get busy. Husband is definitely happy with 2 kids and I'm not sure there is any argument I could make that would make him change his mind. He came from a family of 2 and that was fine with him. I came from a family of 7 kids and while I wouldn't recommend that number of kids, 2 just seems so sad and lonely to me. Thinking of family holidays when the kids will come home to visit just seems lame with two:) Husband laughs when I say that.

This month I not only had a bad case of babyitis, I also came down with a horrible case of PMS. I don't know where this scary person came from, but I hope she packs up and leaves ASAP. The good thing to come out of it is that for the past two days I could barely stand the two children I do have and the thought of a third just makes me want to put a bullet in my brain. OK... I'm being dramatic, but seriously, I was able to sort of focus on what I do have -- two spirited (GD, I freakin' hate that word, but sometimes it fits) children and I just about have my hands full between them, my husband and my work.

On another note, I got some more flowers put in the ground today. Let me just say that I freaking hate my backyard -- oh, yeah, we've already established that I hate everything today. The backyard space itself has so much potential because it is quite large, but the retirees who lived here before designed it in such a poor way. There are ugly planters, plants that I hate and a patio cover that totally makes the yard feel closed in. There's not much we can do with it at this point in time besides minor cosmetic changes... like changing out some of the plants. So, I was out there today and got a bunch planted. Hopefully they'll live at least until the 4th when we have our bbq.

Sleeping

Sleeping... it's something I wish I did more often. I go to bed way too late and my kids wake up way too early. Something's got to change and I have a feeling it is going to have to be my night-owl tendencies.
When I'm playing the the kids I often lie on the floor and pretend to be asleep. I'm not really asleep, but my brain and eyeballs get a minute or two of rest. My daughter used to be fascinated when I would pretend to be asleep. She would snuggle up next to me on the floor and say, "OK, mommy, it's naptime." She'd give me about 45 seconds to 2 minutes of rest before she would say, "morning time!".
Apparently that is all over now. When I was playing sleep today, she quickly bent over me and tried to pluck out my eyelashes. While I didn't get quite the rest I was looking for, I was definitely energized again.

New bike, old 'hood and Prairie Home Companion

We've been thinking about getting son a real bike. He's mastered the Big Wheel and his scooter and I really didn't want to see what happened to me happen to him. You see, I didn't get a bike until I was eight years old. My parents had a total of 7 kids and there were 5 in front of me, so I guess they forgot. Anyway, on my 8th Christmas I got a bike. I was so excited until my dad tried to teach me to ride -- they skipped the whole training wheel thing. The neighborhood kids were pointing and laughing as an eight-year-old was being pushed down the street by her dad. Folks, it was humiliating and I carry the scars to this day. I want to make sure son has mastered at least riding with no training wheels, if not riding with no hands, by the time he is eight -- he's 4.5 so I think we'll make it.
Last week I found a nice bike at a local sporting goods store. I wanted to talk it over with husband before I made the purchase. We decided to go ahead and do it, so this morning son and I headed over to the store to buy the bike. It was gone. Sold. Another one might be in on Tuesday. Son was a bit sad, but not as sad as me. We decided to head to another store in our old 'hood (more on that later) about 15 minutes away. It is a huge sporting goods store. Guess what? They don't sell bikes! The young teen who I was asking for help told me to go across to Target to get a nice bike. Target for a bike? NEVER! I didn't want son to get some lame superman, spiderman, or whatever flavor-of-the-month character would be splashed all over the bike. I wanted a real bike, a quality bike, one he would be proud to take care of.
My first bike was used and that never bothered me. It was a beautiful, blue schwinn. Our family got all of our bikes from "The Bike Man" in Venice -- he was some old dude who sold new bikes but also refurbished used bikes. It was a great bike and I rode it and cherished it for years. Anyway... I'm going on and on... while daughter napped, husband took son out to a bike store a few miles away and came home with a great bike. It brought tears to my eyes to watch son proudly peddling around the cul-de-sac with his little helmet on. And we have the added bonus of buying from a local small business.

While son and I were on our morning search we ended up in our old neighborhood. Son said he wanted to drive by our old house -- it's been almost exactly a year since we moved. As we drove up our old street I was hit with nostalgia big time. We moved to that house about 2 weeks before son was born. I started thinking about our first walks, first trips to the local park, first time trick-or-treating. We hit the neighborhood park for a few minutes and I almost started crying. I love my family now, but there is something so tender about that time I had alone with my son. I really enjoyed it and I remember thinking when I was pregnant with our daughter how I would lose out on time with my little buddy. He and I were pals. He would go with me to get coffee and shop for towels at Kohls. We would play in our front yard all the time. Since his sister joined our family I don't have as much one-on-one time with him. I love my daughter more than anything and I often wonder if she feels ripped off because she never got that same time with me. I really don't think so, she is a pistol and happy and funny and all that. The family expands and the love keeps growing.

As I type this I'm listening to A Prairie Home Companion. I admit it, I'm a public radio addict. If I don't have the kids in the car, it's all I listen to. If husband takes the kids out for a bit, that's what is flowing through the airwaves in my house -- yes, I'm lame. Husband doesn't care for this particular program, but for some reason, I do. Anyway, I was folding laundry a few minutes ago and listening to the show... a musical act came on and people were applauding at certain points and I'm like, yeah, that was some awesome fiddlin', but then in the middle of the music, everyone in the audience starts laughing and I'm like, what is so funny?

Spooky house

When you were a kid, was there was always one house in your neighborhood that was spooky? I had that growing up. There was the "Glass House" -- so called because the last name of the owners was Glass. But they also had this CRAZY stained glass front door and the whole place was overgrown and downright spooky. I don't remember ever meeting the owners and on Halloween they always left out a bowl of candy so no one would bother them. We would dare each other to go up to the door to take a treat. I even had some pretty spooky dreams about entering the house and my friends and I would fantasize that they were really vampires.
I think the house across the street from my current abode would qualify as spooky house to neighbhorhood kids. I only have daylight pics, but trust me, it is a bit spooky at night.
The house is apparently in foreclosure -- there are a bunch of families living there and I can't get a straight answer as to who the owner is. They stopped mowing about 4 months ago and there is trash everywhere. I like my house and I think our neighborhood is fine, but this house just jacks things up.
Now I know how my parents must have felt about the Glass House. Us kids loved it because it was mysterious to us, but the grownups in the neighbhorhood must have seen it as a place that was bringing down property values. I've turned into a grownup because part of me just wants to go over and mow the lawn and ask the folks to clean up their driveway.
In any case, the house should be auctioned off soon and I really hope a nice, not too spooky family moves in.

Day at the beach, new roommate and raccoons

Over the long weekend we made the obligatory trip to the beach. We got a bit of a late start and didn't arrive until about 10:30... I thought we were going to be screwed in the parking department, but it turns out that the beach was half empty. Yay for us! The masses showed up much later so we had plenty of time to explore the tidepools and splash in the water. Oh, God, that water was cold. The weather couldn't have been more perfect and it was just such an enjoyable day with the kiddos. It was the first time in 4 years we were at the beach with little equipment and didn't have to change diapers or nurse a baby on the beach. Nice!


Here son was getting buried alive


Daughter found a bunch of hermit crabs in the tidepools

We came home from the beach to welcome my baby sister home. She's going to be hanging at our pad for a few months. She's been up in Seattle for a while now and we are really glad to have her, even though we know she can only tolerate California in small doses. Balz's (baby sis) arrival coincided with the arrival of some unwelcome creatures... raccoons. They seem to hang out in the summer and fall and disappear in the winter. Well, they're back and bigger than ever. They boldy walk up to our back door and walk along our crumbling back wall. They have some possum buddies who also often show up. I don't mind the possum because they don't seem to be very confrontational. But the raccoons... man, they seem to be looking for a fight.

Shrek the Third, The Scarlet Letter and naptime

I woke up this morning and decided that I hadn't spent enough time with the kiddos lately (love the cousins, but I haven't had much alone time with my own), so I decided to let son play hookey from preschool and I played hookey from work. I called up SIL to let her know she wouldn't have to watch my two today and she said, let's all take the kids to see Shrek. Well, I wasn't going to have them see that movie (they haven't seen the first two) because it is PG and I thought it might be a bit too old for them. Well, I decided a movie with SIL and the cousins might be fun so I agreed. The kids were all really good in the movie theater and enjoyed eating too much popcorn and licorice, but I don't know about the movie. I thought it was alright, but a bit too mature for the little ones. Many of the jokes were more for adults and the animation wasn't quite animated enough for a 2 year old. I would recommend it for the 6 and up age range.

Speaking of movies, husband recently put The Scarlet Letter on our queue in Netflix. I haven't seen that movie in years and I read the book even longer ago. It was a really good movie, but it got me thinking... man, would it have sucked to have been a woman back then. Yes, times were more simple and kids had a lot more responsibility at a young age, but us ladies were treated like donkey-shit. Take out the witch trials and the hanging if convicted of adultery and you are still left with half of the population having basically no rights. My husband might have liked it, though, because his smart-ass, free-thinking, pants-wearing wife would have known her place:)

I'm writing this as two children moan and cry about 20 feet away. It's been almost a week since daughter napped and her tantrum-having booty needs a nap so they are both stuck in their rooms until they fall asleep. Since we gave up the binky she doesn't seem able to put herself to sleep at naptime. Also, I have to have both kids sleep together because my baby sister is coming to stay with us for a bit and she is going to be using son's room while she's here (Balz, if you read this, don't feel bad, they actually sleep way better at night when they are in the same room). It truly sucks because by about 4 p.m. daughter is just a screaming mess and by 7:30 I'm ready to drop her off at the orphanage. I try really hard to get into the frame of mind that it's her problem, not mine, when she's having a tantrum. I try to play soothing music in my head and count to ten, but man, it really does get to you after a while. And it's not like it's a once-a-day thing... that I could live with. It's five or six times a day with each tantrum lasting like 15 minutes. And loud, oh, god, she is so freaking loud. I just am about at my wits end. I'm trying really hard to use positive reinforcement and not yell (like my mom did), but I'm not sure what to do next. My son, who has his own moments, was not nearly as volatile when he was her age. I think part of it was that when he was 2, his baby sister was born and I just didn't have the time to deal with any nonsense from him, so he quickly adapted. I need an infant on loan for about 6 months just so daughter knows she's not #1 any more.

binkys, stray cats and positive reinforcement

We said goodbye to daughter's binky yesterday and it has been hell around the Crouse Haus ever since. Although son can be a sissy (I can say that because he won't read this) about the small stuff in life, he has always been good about major changes. Giving up his binky at age 2, no big deal, moving to a big kid bed, cool, potty-training, no sweat, introduce a baby sister to the family, love it. All of the major things have been SO easy with him. Daughter is quite the opposite. She's so tough when it comes to a scraped knee or missing a turn in Candyland, but take away a girl's binky, you're in for trouble. I rue the day I forced the binky upon her. She didn't get one right away and was a champion nurser, but she was too good. The girl wanted to be latched onto me 24 hours a day. I had a 2 year old to entertain, so when she was about a month old I introduced her to one of her best friends (her absolute best friend is her "piggy" which cannot be replaced and I will never take away). She didn't want the thing at first but she finally agreed and has rarely been seen without it in the past 2 years.
We went for her first dental visit a couple of months ago and Dr. "B" said it was time for the binky to go unless we want to face lots of cash for orthodontic procedures in the future.
Yesterday we told daughter that if she wanted to mail her binkys to the "Binky Fairy" to give to new babies then she would be rewarded with a big-girl toy from the toy store. She agreed through tears. We mailed the things off and she picked a lame toy.
Yesterday went OK, with only a few requests for "binky-bink". She finally fell asleep last night but woke everyone up howling at about 1 a.m Husband has absolutely no patience for such nonsense so I banished him to the couch and daughter "slept" with me. She actually kept me up most of the night. Today was very tough for everyone. Son was seen most of the day with his hands over his ears because he was tired of his sister's screaming. It tried me a bit, but husband more. We had a huge row (can I say that if I'm not English?) and I am glad he is going to work tomorrow.
Tonight went OK... they are both sleeping now and I hope there won't be a repeat of tomorrow. But in case there is, I'm making up the fold-up couch now for husband.


We have a cat that is now hanging out in our yard and husband is trying his darndest to make this stray a part of the family. The cat has a slight limp, which is improving, and looks seriously malnourished. When the animal first started coming around last week, husband left some milk out for it. He stepped it up a notch yesterday and purchased cat food and cat treats... Cat food for God's sake! If there is one animal I don't want, it's a cat. I wish this animal no ill will. I'm not an animal-hater, but I don't do litter boxes and I don't agree with outside cats because all of the cats in the neighborhood already do their business in my yard and it grosses me out! Anyway, the kids are thrilled and love seeing the cat in the morning in the yard and feeding it with Daddy in the evenings. I'm going to make up flyers tomorrow and paste them around the neighborhood. I don't want to take it to the animal shelter because chances are that it will be euthanized and I don't want that on my conscience.

I'm looking for advice for positive reinforcement for preschoolers. My sis-in-law and I trade off childcare these days. She watches mine 2 days a week so I can get in a full day of work those days and I watch hers on three so she can go off to help support her family. In theory it works out well and we don't have to pay for childcare and all that. My son is in preschool for 9 hours a week and her daughter is in kindergarten, so it's not too bad. But most afternoons I have four children ages 5, 4, 3, and 2 running amok in the house. All the while I'm trying to potty-train, keep the house somewhat orderly and keep the kids stimulated without television. The kids have been hard of hearing lately and a bit disrespectful in both houses. Sis-in-law and I want to implement some reward charts for the kids and I'm trying to come up with good behavior to reward for these ages. Any ideas on what you do to give your kids incentives to be good citizens would be appreciated. We're not going to reward with toys because they are already so spoiled it is CRAZY (that is probably part of the problem and something I'm working on) but will probably reward with trips to the zoo or beach or something.

15 year reunion and wating more

Saturday night was a night I had been nervous about for a couple of weeks. It was my 15th high school reunion. I went to lunch with an old friend a few days before the reunion -- she wasn't going to attend -- and she asked me, "why do you want to go? Didn't we hate high school?" That question made me stop and think. Yes, for the most part high school was painful for me. I had a couple of close friends and was a good student but high school definitely wasn't for me. I was, and still am, painfully shy. I've diagnosed myself with social phobia and working at my job for 12 years has only seemed to cause this social phobia to get worse -- I work on the computer, from home and don't see any of our customers.
Why would I want to go back? I guess the reason was that I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I wanted to walk up to someone I didn't really know and strike up a conversation. And I did it. It was painful and it required 2 glasses of wine, but I mingled with a couple of old classmates that I hadn't really known 15 years ago. Did I have a good time? No, but I'm glad I went. If I gained anything from the experience it was the knowledge that talking with another human being won't cause me to die and heck, the person I'm talking with probably won't just walk away from me while I'm in midsentence.
I also learned, from my a friend's husband, that my shyness isn't obvious to the world as I always assumed. He was shocked to hear that I considered myself socially awkward.
Well, I won't go out and make a bunch of new friends while at the park with the kids, I might be a little less hesitant to strike up a conversation with another mom.

OK, folks, I want out to Southern California. Less than a year ago I talked my husband into moving into a slightly bigger house in a neighboring city. We didn't need to move but I was convinced that living in this city would help me meet other parents and help the isolation I feel working from home with the kids. We now live in a house I love (although it is old and needs work we haven't the money for) in a great neighborhood. We can walk to most all shopping and services we need and we are surrounded by great parks. The schools in the area are supposed to be good and the city is very safe. I'm about 25 minutes from the beach and the weather is great. What the hell else could I want? Well, now I'm thinking I made a bad decision. We are strapped with a huge mortgage that forces me to continue at my job and doesn't leave any savings for fixing up the house, which really needs fixing up. The city we live in is only about 10 minutes from where I grew up. I hated it as a teen... living in an upper middle-class area when my family was always struggling even to buy clothes at Sears. I felt like an outcast and that other kids were so materialistic. It is still that way here. You should see the outfits that the 5 year olds wear here. For Mother's Day my husband treated me to a manicure -- the only other manicure I've had was before my wedding, so it was a real treat. When I went to the nail place, there were like 6 or 7 young girls in there getting mani/pedis. I'm talking 8 year old girls, for God's sake!
I find I'm wasting time in the evening, time that should be spent writing, looking on the computer at property in Washington State. My little sis lives up there and it just looks beautiful. I have visions of a house on an acre or more of land where my little ones can run free. They would have places to climb trees and explore, something they can't do here. I daydream of the two of them going out on a summer afternoon and exploring and using their imaginations to conjure up all sorts of adventures. They only get one childhood and I want more for them than I feel they'll get here. Husband is not on the same page as me and I feel like a bitch even approaching the subject since it was me who put us in this house in the first place. Who am I to ask for more when there are billions of people in the world who will never even have what I have now?
Anyway, I'm obsessed and I've got to do something. Either shelve the idea completely so I can focus my attention on my wonderful family, or stop being a pussy and just tell husband what I want to do. Poor man. He married a woman to whom the grass is always greener.

**update: Apparently my sister thinks I was drunk when I wrote this. Of course there is the obvious misspelling in the title, which I didn't catch. No, I wasn't drunk this morning, just dog tired and had a lot on my mind. Also the grammar is less than stellar -- not that it is ever that great when I'm just writing off the cuff. Also, I'm lazy and don't usually read my posts before I post them. That'll teach me. Thanks, Balz!

Case of the Monday's

Beware, there are references to preschooler poop in this post. I'm only sharing it to perhaps scare my little sis:)
I ended the evening at Chuck E Cheese with my kids. Not somewhere I usually go unless it's a birthday party my son really wants to go to. Otherwise, let's just say I'm not a Chuck E. Cheese kind of gal. Heck, I don't even let my kids go in the play area at McDonald's. So there I was, sitting at this place, eating cardboard pizza and wishing I could order one beer with my meal... alas, I was alone (husband jogging at home) and so I couldn't induldge. Why were we there? Daughter filled up her potty chart and this was her wish. To be honest, I think son had something to do with it.

I'll let you in on how she filled in that last square on the potty chart. It ended with a poop, but not in the usual celebratory manner. We had just arrived home from dropping boy and girl cousin off and I was bringing in the trash cans when daughter runs up to me and says, "poop!" That means, "get me to the bathroom now, mother, if you don't want me to soil these nice new underpants!"
I whisked her off to the bathroom and realized son was still out in the front yard. We live on a tiny cul-de-sac but even in this city they can't hang out alone. So I left daughter with a book on the potty and went to retrieve son. I couldn't have been more than 2 minutes -- I might have stopped to prop scooters and tricycles up against the side of the house instead of blocking the walkway -- when I heard daughter laughing and saying, "I did it, I did it!" I was excited for about 5 seconds and then I saw her. She walked out onto the front door with no pants on and poop all over her leg. I quickly picked her up and headed into the bathroom to survey the damage. It wasn't pretty, folks. I called for son and then cleaned up daughter and dropped her in the bath. I cleaned up the mess while she happily played in the bubbles, all the while singing that she was going to Chuck E. Cheese because she pooped on the potty.
That is how I ended up at that god forsaken place on a Monday night.

It wasn't my dream end to a nightmarish afternoon. The morning went all right with the little ones around, but by afternoon all four of them where a whining, fighting mess. They were in and out of the house because it was so hot today. They would go from happily splashing in the water to crying that someone splashed them. They were tracking dirt and grime everywhere they went. After snack I was cleaning one child while two others were happily smearing yogurt and grahamn cracker mush all over my walls and sofa. UGH! The house has now been cleaned up a bit, but not entirely. And it all starts again tomorrow. Hopefully not as early as today (5:30).
Oh, I hope Tuesday has more to offer me than Monday did.

Carnival fun and ditched by husband

Only a few more years til she gets her own pink car


Luc was a natural at bumping into his cousin and sister.

We headed over to Conejo Valley Days today -- it is a local carnival that comes to town every May. I've been going since I was 12 or so. It is so fun to now take my own kids! It is a little tough on the pocketbook, these days, though. $3.00 for one dart to pop a balloon?
We met grandma and cousin Julia over there and Julia had fun going on some rides with Lucas. It was a gorgeous day our and there were lots of families with young kids... a much different crowd comes out at night. That is when I used to go as a punky teen and now I avoid the night carnival like the plague.


Fun Apple ride with Luc, Julia, Amanda and me!


After returning home husband packed up and left. OK, so he didn't leave for good, but he headed down to O.C. to celebrate Cinco de Mayo with some friends. I opted out because I don't care to watch "the fight" or drink too many Dos Equis and then have to care for the kiddos tomorrow.
Since we just have the one car now, he had to rent a car. He chose a convertible, damn him. On this gorgeous day my husband is now cruising down south and getting a tan:)
I hope he has a good time, and I really hope son and daughter wake up from their naps in a good mood. We're going to have dinner at my mom's and then we'll have movie and ice-cream sundae night back here! Yipee!

Waste of time and money

They knew it was a waste of time from the beginning. And while people are hungry and homeless in our own country they continued to waste our tax dollars by passing a bill they knew would be vetoed. Why did they do this? Campaigning for the next election of course! Now they can go on the record to their constituents and say, "look what we tried to do, but the other side fought us. Vote for us!"
I am so fed up with both sides of the political aisle at this point. Disgusted that while the democratic majority congress is stuck with a stubborn "bleep" for the next 18 months they refuse to do the best they can with what they've got. Instead they are wasting our time and money by passing a bill that won't be signed. Our soldiers are dying, many more Iraqis are dying and no one is doing a damn thing about it. Sure, they act like "oh, we wanted to pass this spending bill, but the president is an idiot and won't sign it." Well, crackheads, you knew he wouldn't sign it so why not stop playing games and get to work on something he will sign. You aren't going to change him. I don't like him any more than you do, but I want to see you do something!
Oh, I'm enraged. I don't know who the hell I'll vote for in the next election because I'm so disgusted with everyone in Washington. The sad thing is, even if someone trustworthy and "real" came along, I probably wouldn't notice him or her because I'm so cynical. You jerks in government have taken all that was good about our country and shat on it and now it's not so good anymore.

Another day, another tantrum and I'm a Greek!

Daughter is showing her 2-year-old colors lately. Yesterday and today have been particularly difficult. The girl yells and cries about EVERYTHING. The smallest thing can set her off -- like not getting her doll's shoes on or not getting to sit in the blue carseat because cousin got there first. It's not a little whine or gentle tears... it's like world war III around here. I've noted before that her volume control is broken and only works on the highest setting. I was so frustrated today that I told her I was going to drop her off at the zoo because she was being a bad little monkey. Well, that didn't go over so well:)
I was half hoping that she might be sick or something... anything to explain this frustrating behavior. But she is sleeping well and eating well, so I don't think a $40 visit to the doctor is warranted. I am trying to help her through her frustrations, but I don't know if I'm doing more harm than good. Husband thinks I should totally ignore her (easy for him to say from the comfort of his office) but I feel that she needs some comfort and extra love to show her that it's OK to be 2 and to feel a bit out of control. God knows I feel out of control about 70% of the time.

In her happier moments, daughter has taken to calling me "Greek". The only explanation I can come up with is that she was trying to call me a geek, but once she said Greek, it sort of stuck. So she'll tell me she's hungry and I'll say, "we'll have a snack in a little while" and she'll reply, "Okay, Greek." She is adding this new nickname for me all the time now. If I tell her something she'll simply reply, "Yes, Greek" or "fine, Greek". I tried to tell her that my grandparents are Irish and husband is most likely of German or Swedish heritiage (he's adopted) and that our family has been American for a two generations. She doesn't seem to care.
Greece is on the top of my list of places to visit if we ever get a chance to leave this continent.

Love our weather

This week we have had unbelievably gorgeous weather here in So. Cal. The kids and I are walking everywhere and they've been having such fun playing with water in the backyard. A few buckets, some cups and water go a long way with preschoolers. Now if I only had the energy to spruce up the backyard a bit....

New day and shirtsleeves

OK... so I promised to post about yesterday's chaos to compare it to the previous day. But I've changed my mind. Why dwell on it? Sure, there are days where everyone is out of control and the house seems trashed, but I think I'd rather pick up and move on.

I think I'll gripe about something else instead -- my husband's shirts.
I love my husband dearly and he is a great father, but I wish the man would freaking unroll his shirtsleeves before he puts his shirts in the hamper! I've mentioned it to him before and he complied for about 5 days before he went back to his old habits. It probably takes me an extra 5 seconds to unroll the sleeves but it's more what those rolled sleeves represent. When I'm having a particularly tough day and feeling overwhelmed with work and then the constant work of caring for the household duties and kids, those sleeves can throw me over the edge. I start thinking to myself, "he doesn't respect my time and all the work I do around here... blah, blah,blah!"
Oh, man, I have have some crazy fights with him in my head. But those feelings have usually subsided by the time he gets home from work and I realize that he could very well be thinking "I can't believe she went out and bought more plants today. I work hard for our money and I need some new shirts."

Serenity and Chaos

Two days. Same set of kids. Two completely different outcomes. Beware... boring play-by-play of day's events.
Yesterday was just about as perfect as it could get. Kids woke up and ate breakfast and complied with getting dressed. We made it to son's preschool on time and daughter and I headed to pick up cousin Ben. Ben seemed a bit pouty, but I just kept joking with him and pushing his buttons until he decided to lighten up. We headed out to my mom's for a visit and to drop off some old baby clothes for a sis-in-law. Took my mom's dog for a walk, grabbed a coffee and had a nice visit. Then Amanda, Ben and I went to get my car washed. Kids were angelic and enjoyed playing near the fountain at the car wash. We then headed to a local Mexican restaurant (I use the term lightly because it is very Americanized Mexican food) and both kids ate their meals and left little mess.
We then dropped by the preschool for Lucas pickup and the kids had fun running around the grassy area. Nap time was up next and even Lucas decided to partake in the nap. We didn't have to get girl cousin because she had a date with her mom.
Kids woke up from nap... they had a somewhat healthy snack outside and then they had a blast playing in the water out back for close to an hour. Sis-in-law came to collect boy cousin about
4 p.m. and then Lucas, Amanda and I walked down to the market to stock up on band-aids. Lucas walked the mile in each direction without even one complaint. We headed home and they got to watch and episode of Scooby-Doo while I made homemade pizza and salad and they ate heartily. Husband appeared about 6:30 and then quickly disappeared for his jog so the kids and I headed out to the library. We picked out some books and videos and checkout was a non-event. Came home, read some books, colored a bit and the kids hit the hay. I cleaned up the kitchen, answered a few emails and then sat and watched Lost with husband and enjoyed an Amstel Light.
How much better can it get. I had high hopes for today.
I'll be back later for the play-by-play and maybe you have some answers as to where I went wrong.

Jogging and old friend found Jesus... was he lost?

I'm up to jogging about 3 evenings a week on the treadmill! Thanks Husband!
We trade off nights to jog and it is working out well, so far. My mood has already improved and Husband even said I seem less cranky:)

I recently got in touch with an old friend. We met when we were 11 and when we were about 22 we totally lost touch. She got married and had a child at age 21 and I was off moving around the country. As I've mentioned before, my 15 year high school reunion is coming up and that is how she found me. We finally spoke yesterday for the first time in like 11 years! I won't go into detail about her former self... but she was a "party girl" with a good heart. She is still married to the same man and they have both "found the word" or went back to the Lord... I can't remember what she said exactly because I was knocked to the floor with her constant talk of the Bible and Jesus. I've written briefly here about my own struggles with religion and trying to find my way. I admit I'm confused and often searching for something to believe in. I am so happy that she has found peace and fulfillment with her church but I can't help thinking that we will find little common ground now. She talked about her friends who aren't on the same path as her and said that their problems in life stem from the fact that they aren't following Jesus' teachings. I do have a problem with that. Any religion that I do decide to bring to my children (if I do) would have to be accepting and believing that God doesn't punish those who don't believe a certain way. I am for gay rights, women's rights, and mostly a liberal point of view. I wouldn't teach my children that other kids are suffering because their parents don't read the Bible. Anyway, I hope that this old friendship can become a new friendship because I really need a good friend now. I'm lonely for the friendship women share and at times feel almost desparate to be able to hang out with some girls. But that's for another post.

In-law visit and old stomping grounds

I'll start this post off by saying that I couldn't ask for better in-laws. I've finally started accepting that they really do like me and GD, they love my kids. They are the most accepting, loving people. They are willing to help out in any capacity if only I could learn how to ask for help.
The O.C. Crouses headed up Friday afternoon and the kids were ready -- it's only been a few weeks since their last visit, so not enough time for the kids to have forgotten how much they love the grandparents Crouse. On Saturday afternoon we headed to the local Arbor Day festival and we ran into the kids' pediatrician. We love her! But it was strange seeing her outside her office -- it's like when I was a kid and I saw a teacher in a store or something.... you mean they don't live in the classroom!!!

The grandparents only got on my nerves only a tad and there weren't too many comments like, "didn't mommy bring your sweater" or, during a diaper change where daughter fussses, "is mommy hurting you." Yeah, those sort of things get to me. There are some other little things that irk me, but I'm beginning to realize that these things are my problem -- my pettiness or crankiness -- and nothing I should complain about.

Husband and I got a little time off Saturday and we headed to a restaurant we used to frequent back in pre-kid days. We lingered over a long dinner and a glass of wine. While it seemed like a long dinner at the time, we looked at our watch and it had only been like 45 minutes. We realized the kids wouldn't even be in bed yet and we better find something else to do. It's funny, once you have kids, any mealtime that involves more than 20 minutes of continuous sitting is a long meal. We weren't quite sure what to do in our quiet town and then I suggested heading over to the good 'ole Crown and Anchor. It's a British Pub that we used to go to in our youth:)
It hasn't changed much, even the kids in there are still the same age we were 6 or 7 years ago. Only Husband and I seem to have gotten older. We grabbed a pint and settled into the cozy bar. We mostly enjoyed watching our former selves. It was really creepy and cool. To think that used to be us on many Saturday nights... enjoying one too many pints, heading outside for smoke, acting cool around the guys (me) or seeming nonchalant around the ladies (husband). It now seems so boring and my life with the kids and a quiet evening at home with Husband is so much more exciting and fulfilling. Gawd I'm old!

My birthday and vision test

I can't see what I'm typing right now so we'll see if those high school typing classes paid off.

Along with being the day of my birth, April 19 is also the day the revolutionay war started with the Battle of Lexington. I've always been proud to share my day with such a moment in our nation's history -- ever since I was little I felt like I was somehow special because of my birthday and the birth of our nation. Crazy, I know, but a kid has got to find some reason to feel special.
I am saddened to see where our nation is now more than 130 years later.

Before I turned 30 all birthdays were depressing to me. I didn't want to get older. Once I hit the big one, though, it hasn't seemed like such a big deal. So I'm 33, what's the big deal? Day started off with husband going out for doughnuts. Bless his heart, I can't seem to convince him that I hate eating doughnuts for breakfast. I don't think I've felt good about eating a doughnut since I was a little kid. But he doesn't get it and it's his way of saying he loves me because the man can't cook. So, I ate a doughnut and felt like hell the rest of the morning.
I took the day off work and the kids and I met my mom for lunch. They were well behaved and ate nothing but french fries and canteloupe. We headed over to sis-in-law's house and the wonderwoman had baked me a carrot cake (my fav).. Sis-in-law is an awesome mom, a fabulous cook and baker and she is always doing things for other people. God bless her! But she has such a hard time letting people do things for her.
Anyway, if you ever meet her you'll want to be her friend.

I left my kids with sis-in-law and headed over to my first adult eye appointment. I've been feeling like my vision when driving isn't so great so I thought I better get checked out since I carry precious cargo. Turns out my eyes are perfect and the problem is that I work on the computer all day and my eyes just need a little tlc -- eye drops.
Can't wait to see my doctor bill!
The good doctor (he really is) dilated my eyes and it is freaky.
I don't have the kids this afternoon because sis-in-law is going to watch them so hubby and I can go and have sushi after he gets home from work. So here I am with about 2 hours of time where I could write or read and I can't do either (except write this post, which probably will be filled with errors.)
I can't watch television, not that I'd want to. But what is a person with a mind that doesn't stop supposed to do without vision. I guess I can go and clean the house since mom and dad-in-law are coming for a visit tomorrow.
Not my idea of "me time" but I guess the bathtubs are calling.

They say the strangest things

Husband and I are refinancing our home loan right now (fun!) and the travelling notary came over this evening to have us sign away our lives. The crazy thing is that our son and daughter will be the same age as husband and I, respectively, when we pay off our house. Ack!
Anyway, the woman walked in as we were finishing up dinner and son went to greet her. He turned to me and said, "Mommy, is that grandma?"
I don't think she heard and I quickly shooed him into the other room.
This woman is younger than me -- so she's like 20 -- so I don't have any idea why he would ask such a strange question. She doesn't look anything like either of his grandmas.

We got some bad news today... my younger sister's dog, who has lived with my brother and his wife for the past 6 years (long story) has cancer. I see Sunshine a few times a week and he is a great dog. He loves my brother and gets severly depressed if Tom has to leave for any amount of time. The poor dog has a tumor the size of a bowling ball on his spleen. The vet is thinking that the cancer might not have spread so he's going to remove the spleen and hopefully Sunshine will be with us for a few more years. I hope.
My sister-in-law is now calling Sunshine her "bathroom dog". She had saved up a bit of cash to redo one of her bathrooms and now this surgery will deplete most of those funds. But it's a small price to pay for a loyal friend.

Son is starving and lilac splurge

Since day one my son has never been a big eater. He just never seemed to interested in food and even if you gave him some chocolate, he might take a bite and say, "I'll save the rest for later."
Daughter is the exact opposite and has been a hungry girl since day one -- give her a king size candy bar (not that I have) and I'm sure she would try her best to polish it off.
This all changed over the past month or so. The child is hungry from morning until bed -- and often complains of hunger even as we're tucking him in. It is so difficult because he doesn't want to sit down and eat a large amount, he just wants to nibble all day long. I am going out of my mind because I feel like his slave trapped in the kitchen or forced to prepare snacks all day.
I can find healthy things he'll eat, but then that means that the dinner I've planned will only be touched a bit and then 40 minutes later he'll be wanting another snack. He's gone from eating about 5 times a day (3 meals and 2 snacks) to eating about 8 times a day.
Husband is type 1 diabetic, so we were a little worried about this. Although son hasn't been extremely thirsty, hunger is one sign. We took him in to the doc, who said it was probably just a growth spurt but tested him anyway -- blood sugar was good.
In any case, I hope this ends soon. When he is a teenager and tries to eat us out of house and home that will be fine because he can prepare his own snacks and clean up after himself.

I'm writing this while dinner is in the oven and the kids are listening to a book on tape. My son has said that he is hungry about 5 times. I've given him about a cup of cottage cheese to hold him off til dinner comes out and he polished that off quickly. He just said he's still hungry and I swear, it's like nails on a chalkboard when he says that now. I just want to scream, "what do you want me to do about it? Dinner is in the oven!" I'm confused over why I am getting so irritated when he constantly informs me about his hunger. I must be feeling frustrated because I'm constantly preparing food for people in this house and then cleaning up after everyone all day long -- with the addition of neice and nephew three days a week, it can become a bit much. I guess it's just one of those days and I'll be glad when husband gets home and I can go and escape to the treadmill.

Well, shit, I was going to write about the beautiful lilac I bought this afternoon but now I'm too annoyed to write about anything pretty.

Death of the nap and momma can jog

I knew the end was near but I didn't want to admit it. It's been coming for about 6 months now but I tried to ignore it. Yes, son's nap is no more. OK, so my friends tell me I am freaking lucky to have gotten almost 4.5 years of naps out of the kid, but now I have lost about an hour and a half of work that I used to get done during the day. This past week has been difficult because my workload is large and son decided that sleeping during the day is for sissys (that would be sisters). Son is one who usually needs a playmate in order to play. This is so unlike my daughter who I can forget about because she'll go hang out in her room and "read" books, play with her dollhouse or color for long periods at a time. Son prefers that I actively play with him. I do try to do this for a few set blocks of time during the day, but man, I've got to work.
I'm going to have to insist on a hour of quiet time in his room each day, but I feel so guilty about this. But I figure, I already feel guilty about everything else, so what's one more item on my list.

Before I had children I worked out religiously. It was 5 times a week and I really enjoyed being fit and I figured that maybe it was cancelling out some of my vices (wine and smokes). I gave up the vices, along with the exercise. I worked out until I was 8 months pregnant with son. Although I dropped my pg weight quickly, it took a lot longer for me to get back on the fitness track. And then after daughter was conceived, well, let's just say the only exercise I get is running after the kids or walking to the store or park. Husband is good about getting on the treadmill a few times a week but I just can't find the energy or the time. Today I had the time and I did it. Yep, I hopped on that treadmill and it felt good. I walked/ran a 5K and my time was abyssmal but that's OK... it's been almost three years since I did that. My 15 year reunion is in just a month and my goal is to be up to at least 4 days of treadmill time by then.

Mommy needs a nap and son likes broccoli

This afternoon I dragged the kiddos to the fancy part of town to leave some papers with our accountant. I was feeling a bit sluggish and my daughter picked up on my yawns from her carseat. She said, "you tired mommy?" I said that I was, to which she replied, "mommy, you need a nap." "Yes, I do," I said, "but who is going to watch you and your brother while I nap." Son said that Dad could watch them, but I reminded him that Dad was still at work. So I asked again who could watch them and son replied, "Well, we could just call 911."
We've been talking with him recently about what to do in emergency situations and showing him how to use the phone if he needs to call someone. I guess we need to do a bit more work.

The accountant has a nice office overlooking a local lake. Husband and I used to go there a lot with son to have lunch and walk around to see the ducks. It was cheap, peaceful fun. The kids had a great time watching the ducks, pretending to fish and trying to break open their heads while rock climbing.

With all of the running around the kids worked up a good appetite. I served up dinner and they ate happily. Son started to eye the broccoli on my plate and he asked for some. I had to surpress the urge to do a flip over the table and I calmly gave him a few pieces. He ate them up and asked for more, saying, "Broccoli is my favorite vegetable."
Um... since when? I used to offer it to him all the time when he was a toddler -- you know, the rule to put something on a kid's plate 15 times and they'll eventually try it. Well, that never worked out so well. But tonight was a success and I'm stoked. I love broccoli and eat it a few times a week. Let's see if daughter follows brother's lead.

A night out with Terry Gross

So last September or October my local public ration station (which I love) was holding its fall membership drive. I have a love/hate relationship with the membership drive. I usually renew my membership early in the drive and then later on they start offering cool gifts to donors and I'm like, "damn, I should have waited because I could really use a bottle of wine, a new book or cool t-shirt."
Last fall, after I had renewed, they said they were giving donors the opportunity at early ticket sales for Terry Gross (host of Fresh Air) who was coming to my town. I was sad that I missed a chance to get a first chance at tickets. I love Fresh Air, so I really thought tickets would sell out quickly. I mentioned this to my husband but he didn't say much about it.
On Christmas '06 he surprised me with tickets to the show. I was like, "what, they didn't sell out? Cool!"
The show was this evening and I was a little dismayed when listening to kclu today to hear that there were still tickets available. Then I remembered that I live in a fairly conservtive city.
Anyway, husband and I were excited for an entertaining night out -- something that doesn't happen much here in the suburbs. Mom came over early to watch the kiddos and husband and I had a chance to enjoy a plastic cup of wine before the show.
It was great. I had heard many of the interviews that she played clips from (like the one where she interviewed Bill O'Reilly) but it was interesting to get more of what she was thinking at the time.
I think part of the reason I really love Terry Gross is that she admits to having been a shy person when she started in radio. I'm a total social-phobe and to hear someone who sort of overcame that and is now an awesome interviewer gives me hope.
The crazy thing is she has been doing Fresh Air since I was still in diapers (I was 1 when the show started as a local program).
Anyway, I'm still feeling high off of an evening out, two cups of wine and seeing someone I admire up close.
To sum up, support your local public radio.

Nail biting

In my pre-mom days I was a smoker. Gross, I know, but that's what I was. I loved nothing more than to come home after work and enjoy a glass of wine and a ciggy. The day I found out I was expecting our son was the day I quit smoking. It's crazy because I had tried so many other things to quit and who knew all I had to do was get knocked up?
It wasn't hard at all and I never craved a smoke (even after having been a smoker for 7 years) once I knew I was responsible for the development of another human.
But now I have a problem... since the day I quit smoking I have become a nail biter.
Another yucky habit and one that is on display for others to see.
I have my 15 year high school reunion coming up in 1 month and I have decided that I want to show up with nice hands. Hubby already tells me I have a nice ass (I think he needs glasses) so I don't have to work on that. Even without the nail biting my hands are a wreck. With two young children -- one in diapers -- I wash my hands about a thousand times a day. I mow my own lawn, plant my own flowers, do the dishes, the laundry, scrub the toilets -- you get the idea -- and all of those things takes a toll on a girl's hands. I don't have Madge's Palmolive hands.

I picked a hell of a night to stop biting my nails, though. Lost is on.
Tomorrow I think I'll post a "before" pic of the hands and hopefully my after pic in a month will be an improvement.

goulash night

Just want to write this down. Got home after a busy afternoon with dentist for kids and a few other errands and I thought I had some things in my fridge to make a quick stir-fry. I settled the kids down with a book on tape and took a peek at what I had -- well, there wasn't much in there so I had to think fast. I could hear Luc's voice from the other room repeating one word... "hungry"
This is his newest thing and I've got to break him of it quick! He'll just use one word to try and get me to do something for him in some way. Hungry, thirsty, hot, potty....
It is so unbelievably rude and I don't know where he picked it up. I usually wait until he is in bed before I turn to my husband and say "tea". And dear husband makes the best cup of tea.
Where was I? Oh, yes, my rude son. I know I am supposed to simply ignore him until he gets off his bottom and comes and politely asks me for whatever it is he needs at the time.
I did that tonight and it took quite a while to work.
In any case, I was trying to think about what to throw together for dinner and that little voice was like nails on a chalkboard.
So I threw a bunch of junk together and it turned out alright. Husband totally dug it and son and daughter ate with almost no complaints.
Gotta write it down because someday I'll need a quick recipe and I'll say, now what did I put in that....
Ground beef -- browned, drain, set aside (I use 97% lean)
Clove or two of garlic in pan for a minute. Add a bunch of shredded carrots and frozen corn.
Heat that a few minutes until carrots are getting soft. Add about 1/2 can tomato sauce with italian seasons and 1 can of diced tomatoes with italian seasons. Add beef back to pan and cover and simmer for about 10 minutes.
Cook a bunch of egg noodles and toss with a little bit of butter if you want and then serve the beef mixture over the noodles.
Added a bit of fresh spinach and carrot salad for hubby and myself. Kids got some blueberries and apple slices and everyone was happy.

Now I've got to go clean the kitchen. Damn, I should have ordered out.

Easter goodness

This Easter was filled with too much candy, not enough (not any actually) wine and adorable (hyper) kids.
We started off the morning early with two little ones eating peeps -- peeps at 6:30 a.m. for God's sake! The morning continued with homemade waffles (more syrup Mommy!), eggs for husband and I (kids couldn't be talked into eating them) and bacon for everyone. What a healthy start:)
I headed off to church with my mom and Lucas mid-morning. I don't consider myself Catholic any longer, but I do enjoy the rituals at the holidays -- I was raised with this stuff and it's hard to entirely shake it off.
Then it was the long drive to my brother's house for some cousin time and the annual egg hunt.
I won't even go into the hard work my SIL put into the festivities... I'll just say that she is CRAZY!

But this is what it's all about:
I took about 5 pictures and in each one, at least one child was looking away from the camera.

Sick child confounds parents, storytime sucks and first haircut

Picked son up from Aunt's house yesterday. He seemed fine while we were saying our goodbyes but fell asleep in the car. As I lifted him out of his car seat he felt really warm. I gave him time to cool down and then checked his temp and it was 102. WTF... we just got over being sick 10 days ago. He was looking pretty sorry, so we let him sit on the couch and watch a video while the rest of the fam ate dinner. He didn't want to take anything to eat or drink. He fell asleep at about 6:30 and we carried him to bed at about 7 -- gave him some Motrin and a few sips of water. He woke up once during the night to use the potty. Husband and I got a chance to put daughter to bed together -- something we never do since she is the second child. It was very nice.

Son woke me up at 6:15 this morning and he was ready to go. He was running all around the house. Didn't want to eat, but he was full of energy and fever was absent. So what the hell happened? I have no idea.

Son was feeling good so I decided to check out storytime at the local library. We used to go to storytime weekly near our old house and son always loved it. I could wander the aisles near the story area with a then infant daughter and keep an eye on son. It worked beautifully. Well, the new library is so stupid. They have three different story times on different days -- one day has baby storytime, one has toddler (2-3 year olds) and one has preschoolers (3-5). The crazy thing.... they don't want you to bring along any kids that don't fit that age group. Look, if you have multiple kids, chances are that some aren't going to fall in the right age group on a given day and they may not be in school yet. I chanced it today and brought daughter (26 months) and son (4). Daughter was doing OK, but a few times she forgot to use a whisper to ask me a question and we got the big old stink eye from the libarian. I left after the first story because I noticed that another librarian was quietly kicking out two mommies who had brought their infants along with their preschool age children. Sorry, I guess you're supposed to leave the infants at home alone (maybe they can do some laundry while you're gone).
The weird thing is that they totally close off this storytime area (in a children's library) with a curtain, so you can't send your child in there and keep an eye on them from the stacks of books. I think this is stupid and I'm now boycotting storytime at my new library. The librarians don't even seem to like children unless they are the type of children who are seen and not heard.

Daughter had her first professional haircut today and she had a great time. I won't go into the 3 years of torture son put us through with cutting his hair -- he's finally stopped screaming and drooling. Son's hair is so thick and grows so fast, it has to be trimmed every 2 months. Daughter's hair isn't quite so crazy. I've cut it at home a couple of times already, but damn, if it ain't tricky to get it sort of straight. And I'm always afraid I'm going to poke her eye with the scissors. So, why not take her where someone else can poke her with scissors. It was great because the whole thing took 7 minutes as opposed to my 40 minutes. It is almost perfect and she was very courageous. She got nervous when I sat her down and she gave me a worried look, but the stylist produced a lollipop and everything was coolio.
Son was very well behaved and enjoyed watching someone else sitting in he chair -- he too received a lollipop.
Oh, then I was just feeling the need to ruin my kids and when they asked if they could go to the golden arches for lunch, I actually agreed. They were stunned at first and a little dismayed that they didn't get a chance to dig into their bag of whines. They even ate the fruit I put on their plates -- alongside their nuggets and fries.

It has been a good day (we even did a craft this morning, went for a walk and made banana muffins after nap!) Husband is now home and bathing the babes, so I can do some laundry:)
Shite, their almost done with their bath so I better go throw in a load.

Libertarian trapped in a mommy's body

I was reading an op-ed piece in the L.A. Times yesterday and it was like a punch in the noggin.
The author reminded me of my long lost political leanings. Before I became a parent I was a registered Libertarian. I was disgusted by both the left and right and felt that our country had strayed so far from what our framers had originally planned for us. Our liberty was being taken away every day from both sides of the political aisle. I''m not a great brain when it comes to politics and I'm afraid my writing sucks when trying to analyze what is going on with our country... I just know what I feel.
Here are some things I believed:
Drugs should be legalized
Welfare and Social Security (two evil things -- I then thought) should be radically altered
We should not enter into wars unless attacked
Stop making so many damn laws and let us decide to live a good life
Radically change the tax system and privatize more of our services

Then Sept. 11 happened. Then Enron happened. Then I had children. My ideas changed so much. I wasn't in need of welfare, but I suddenly had a lot more understanding of single moms who are out there working their butts off and have to put their kids in daycare only to not be able to provide basic necessities for their family. I didn't want our nation to go to war in Iraq. I didn't want my son to die in a war that was unjustified. I didn't want tens of thousands (or more) people to die in other countries because of my country. I wanted us to send more money to countries where people are suffering every day in ways I can't even imagine. I wanted more laws to stop people from abusing their kids. Sounds silly, but I cried when I heard tapes of Enron employees laughing about making money at the expense of others. I began to hate the Republicans so much that I went out and registered as a Democrat. A freakin Dem! Now, I live in California, so I suppose it doesn't really matter what party I register with because the Dems often get the vote here.

Today I happened to receive a book from one of our clients. Dave Duffy's "Can America Be Saved from Stupid People" further rocked me. I've only read a few essays from the book, but now I can't stop thinking. I don't agree with Dems on many issues. I don't agree with Repubs on most issues. At heart, I agree with many ideas of the Libertarian party.
But I just can't seem to jive being a mom and being a Libertarian. Becoming a mom really screwed up my politics! It's not that I didn't care about other people before -- I always did and have always had favorite charities and organizations I support. I just wanted everyone to do that. If we all decided to take care of each other without being forced to do so, wouldn't this be a great world? But after having kids I realized that people often don't do that. Some people like to kill other people. Some people are power-hungry and step all over others. There are evil people who will make or steal a buck at a cost to someone else.

More thinking and reading is needed....

Back on the farm

This is the first weekend in quite a while that we haven't been tending to a sick child or had plans to be somewhere. We woke up and wondered, what should we do with the kiddos on this beautiful day? Yes, there are a dozen or so containers of plants that I need to get into the ground or else I've just thrown away $200, but I'll do that tomorrow (tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow).
The kids were in rare form this morning and we all just had a good time hanging out and playing games. By 10 a.m. I decided it was probably too late to head up to the S.B. zoo (Kid #2 doesn't do too well without her nap), so we opted for the local farm. I grew up in the area and man, has this place changed. We've been going with the kids since it was just one kid who was 6 months old. The farm used to be this fruit stand where you could get local produce and, in October, your pumpkins. They had a couple of animals a few years ago. Now the place is so crazy. There are animals galore, a train ride, a pony ride, a bounce house, a tractor ride, a sandbox and slides. Our first house was about a mile away from the place so, when I was working outside of home, Luc and I would often stop there after the daycare pickup to get our produce.
Anyway, today was a bit of nostalgia because we haven't been back in a while. The new house is about 5 miles away and we just never head out there anymore. The kids had a blast feeding the animals and climbing on the haystack. I remember being there when Lucas was 2 and Amanda was itty-bitty in the sling -- what a difference 2 years makes! Now they are both running around!

Phil's got the kids out now and I'm supposed to be working on the book.... Uh... I'm having major writer's block and rather than try and work through it, I'm avoiding it. I'm writing on my blog that few people read and of those few, I'm sure none could give a bleep about my local farm.
Time to the see if I can dislodge whatever is blocking my story.

Going green at home

I admit that going green isn't easy. We're down to one minivan and a scooter. The scooter is husband's transportation to work and it is saving us money and hopefully saving the environment a bit. I can't ditch the minivan yet because on at least three days a week I'm transporting 4 in carseats -- I don't think the Prius would do. Once the kids are out of the carseats we'll scale down to something that drinks a bit less.
I've recently started focusing on going green at the old homestead. I am a bit of a clean freak -- don't read that as neat freak because mess is apparent in all areas of my home but dust and grime are less likely to be found. I have always been a heavy user of all sorts of dangerous substances to clean my house. The more powerful, the better, I always thought. You name it and it was probably in my laundry room/garage. I loved buying cleaning products -- some women like shoes, I love the newest thing from Mr. Clean.
I remember a year or so ago I was shopping in Whole Foods (something I rarely do because it is too much for our humble finances) and I noticed their natural cleaning products. I stopped for a second to browse the offerings but moved on without much thought.
Last month things changed. The drain in our master bathroom shower decided to stop working. Husband went out and bought some liquid plumber or something. Didn't help. Next stop the hardware store for advice and they pointed us to this crazy lye containing product that had a skull and crossbones on it. They said it would do the trick. I worried for husband's safety as he poured the junk down the drain and ventilated the room. Next morning drain was still being a jerk. Back to the hardware store where we bought a snake -- what a sight it was with husband and I trying to get that thing down the drain. It did el-zilcho. I hopped online to find help and was pointed to a natural remedy of baking soda and vinegar. Husband was still cursing at the drain as I poured in a bunch of baking soda and vinegar. The drain hissed and fizzed at us -- we waited a few minutes and then poured boiling water down the drain. Presto, chango, the clog was cleared. All it took was a little help from some natural ingredients.

Since then I've been online looking for recipes for natural cleaners. I've been using baking soda paste to clean the grout in my bathrooms, a mixture of vinegar, soap and water to clean windows and surfaces like that, a little baking soda sprinkled on the carpet before vaccuming, hot water and vinegar to clean our granite and kitchen floors, etc....
There are two things I will find hard to give up -- Comet for my kitchen sink (nothing gets it as white as my beloved Comet) and Pledge for my wood surfaces. I read something about using cooking oil on wood, but that really just freaks me out. I may give it a try, but I'm highly skeptical.
Oh, I lied, I do admit to loving the clorox wipes for everyday use on bathroom counters and toilets -- germs freak me out and my brain won't let me believe that my vinegar and water mixture is killing the germs on the seat. I have a bunch that I stocked up on and when that is gone I told myself I'll buy no more. We'll see....

Spring is here!

I have been looking forward to Spring since like November. We had a really freaking cold winter this year (too bad not much rain) and I've just been dreaming of the days getting longer and warmer. Th.... Just had to leave for a minute because the Jehovah's Witnesses came by for their weekly visit. I've tried in every nice way to tell them that they won't convert me, but I think I end up seeming more and more like a candidate to them. I make the mistake of telling them that husband and I were both raised Christian and have strayed from that path (maybe I shouldn't tell them "strayed" because they seem to like that) and that we talk a lot about religion and we come up with more questions than answers. But I think I've been quite clear that we are not going to be part of organized religion at this point in time. Husband is much an agnostic, bordering on atheist, while I seem to tend toward the idea of God but I can't put faith in much more than that. Religion has been used for such evil and still is and I fear that I cannot muster even the tiniest bit of faith in anything other than Jesus was a good man and God caused the creation of the universe. It scares the shite out of me because what if I'm totally wrong and I am damning my soul and the souls of my children -- you know, I was raised Catholic and they used to be big on that damned souls thing.

Anyway, I was going to write my post on the entrance of Spring and my back problems (husband is a PT and would KILL me if he knew I was sitting at the computer right now), but the Witnesses have sapped my will to type. Now my brain is stuck on philosophical questions that I know will never be answered.

They have me surrounded

Phil got a last minute invite to head down to O.C. to visit with an old friend who was visiting. He headed out yesterday and left me flying solo with the kids. All of my plans for doing some major gardening went out the window because my muscle (the husband) was gone. Kids and I survived and had some fun. But I was hoping for a bit of time to myself while they napped. I put them down and cleaned up a bit and then decided to sit outside (it is gorgeous outside today) and read the paper. It is so rare that I get to read much of my beloved Sunday paper.
I set my glass of ice tea on the table outside and was just opening up the "Current" section when I heard the buzzing. I didn't need to look up to know what it was and I quickly ran inside, abandoning my refreshment. From my slider I spied two gigantic hornets flying around my patio cover. That's it, no way in hell I'm going outside now.
I have a HUGE fear of flying, stinging insects. Hornets, wasps, and yellow jackets all have the power to turn me into a crazy, arm-flailing woman. I would almost knock over a small child to get away from these creatures. The fear has been around as long as I can remember. Honeybees are OK as long as they aren't the "killer" variety, but all other flying, stinging creatures are out.
The fear is so crazy... I know it is. I mean, sometimes I actually think that they are out to get me... I really freakin do. I need to be locked up but I have abandoned sand toys at the park because a wasp was following me and the kids and was trying to get us. It just knew we were going back for the sand toys and kept trying to attack us.
Now I'm being kept hostage inside my home on this beautiful day.
Oh, they are so ugly. They are so, so ugly! Hornets just seem to love our eaves and I guess this is the time of year they are looking to start a family. Last year we located a large nest in our eaves and after husband sprayed the thing with poison, he counted at least 30 of the disgusting thngs. The hive itself was hiddeous!
I could go on and on.... Husband thinks I'm nuts (not only for this fear) and he just hopes I don't pass this on to our children.

Amanda hates me and I hate the dentist

My daughter has already uttered the dreaded words... "I hate you, Mom!".
It's bad enough being called "Mom" instead of mommy by my 2 year old, but throw in the I hate you part and it really makes long for her pre-speech days. Luc still has never said this to me, but I know he picked up the "I hate, blank" thing at preschool. It's I hate girl stuff, I hate pizza, I hate practicing.... So of course Amanda picked up on this and decided to apply it to me when I don't give her or do something she wants.
But I will take an I Hate You over her full-blown tantrums. They are getting less frequent, but no less extreme. Everyone who knows here will vouch for her being the loudest little girl, ever. She is loud when she is just talking normally but when you really P@!s her off she sounds like a train wreck.

Now, I guess Amanda could have picked up the I Hate You thing from me because recently I could have been overheard saying that "I hate the dentist."
I really do. There is one dentist that I love (he is so kind, and gentle and empathetic to my crazy fears) but alas he is not on husband's crappy hmo plan so I can only go to him when I've got extra cash. So, I went to the hmo dentist (nice, but in a car salesman type way) and he informed me that I need a root canal in one of my molars. He said that the endodontist covered by my insurance (where I'll still have to pay $650 for the job) isn't that great and he said that I could go check them out but he hadn't heard the best things. Great. I'm already a nervous dental patient and now I'm being told that I have to see a specialist that might not be so special.
I went in for the procedure yesterday. I've never had a root canal, so I didn't know what to expect. But I have had novacaine shots from my fabulous dentist and he is always very gentle -- taking up to 3 minutes to inject one shot. And he always makes a point of telling me to close my eyes before he comes at me with the huge needle. Well, the doc yesterday barely introduced himself and then asked me to open wide and came at me quickly with the shot. He took about 15 seconds to inject two separate shots. It was quite uncomfortable and my internal alarms started going off right away. Now, I'm not afraid of pain, heck, I gave birth to two children. So, if the procedure will hurt a bit, that's fine. But my fear was that the job wouldn't be done well and would require subsequent procedures to fix... that I wouldn't like.
Doc left the stall to let the novacaine take effect. My palms started sweating, heart started racing and I was a caged bunny. I've had panic attacks in the past and I knew one when I felt it coming on. I grabbed my purse and told the staff I had to leave and reschedule the procedure. The doc came out to ask if everything was alright and I just said, trying to fight off tears of embarassment, that I was going to have to take valium or something before I had the procedure done. I left, feeling a bit mortified by my behavior but also relieved.
Now what do I do? My fabulous dentist referred me to a very gentle endodontist in the area. I called to find out what they charge for a root canal and it is $1200. So, now I have to decide if I want to fork out an extra $550 now for piece of mind. I'm confused and more than ever I hate going to the dentist.

We made it!

So we made it through the weekend with the cousins! All the kids were really kind to us, but Phil and I really need work on remembering that these little people are, well, still little. Everyone went down to bed easily (because we wore them out!) and our own two actually slept in until 7 both mornings! The thing about caring for 4 kids is that someone is almost always needs something. With two you can go almost twenty minutes before someone asks you for something.
The house isn't as wrecked as I imagined it would be and I did actually cook two meals -- it is tough to cook for other kids because they are just as picky as mine, except not in the same way.

Abby made me determined to get a boob job. I was helping her in the bathroom today and she looked at my chest and said, "Aunt Mo, how come your boobs, are, well, they're not like a grownup, they're more like a kids."
This kid is killing me! I asked her what she meant and she got a bit embarrased. She said that mine weren't as big as her moms. I explained that people's bodies come in all shapes and sizes and it is part of what makes us unique. I wanted to tell her that she should have seen me before two babies sucked the life out of my chest, but I didn't.
I know my rack isn't what it was in my twenties, but since I never was too large on top, there isn't a big pull towards the earth. But now... you know they say kids are honest about these things and so I know that if I had a few thousand lying around and I wasn't terrified of being put under without a good reason then I would go for it, definitely.

Trying to get everyone fed, bathed and tucked into bed last night I was reminded of the old Yiddish folk tale, "It could always be worse"
Tucking our two angels into bed tonight was a delight. The clothes are all picked out for tomorrow and I know that leaving the house tomorrow will be a breeze.

Although the cousins are very well-mannered, fun kids, this weekend did help Phil and I feel confident in our decision to stick with two kids.

Night one almost done

So we made it through dinner with four kids. It's so funny because nowadays 4 kids (ages 5-2) is such an oddity. But my mom reminds me that when she was raising us it wasn't such a big deal.
It only took like an hour to pack up the four kids to our dinner destination -- unnamed pizza place.
Yes, I got four kids to the potty, changed a diaper, dumped sand out of four pairs of shoes, got jackets for three (oops, missed one) and got everyone packed in the car in about 50 minutes. Then I spent another 10 minutes searching for my keys that somehow ended up in someone's play purse.
We headed to the pizza place and the kids had strict instructions to be on their best behavior and I must say that they were on their best behavior for their ages. There was a bit of under-the-table shananegans going on in the booth. They got a chance to play some racecar video games in the little arcade area. Boy cousin chowed down 3 pieces of cheese pizza before the other three even made it through half a piece. Husband showed up as the kids were finishing and he quickly ate a few slices. Childrearing is bad for digestion.
Two people stopped me in the pizza place to ask if all four kids were mine. Although I would like to claim that they were (remember, they were behaving fairly well) I admitted that only two were mine. I wouldn't have this smokin' figure if I had given birth to 4!
We headed to Baskin Robbins next store. Boy cousin continued to amaze me by eating his entire kid scoop, while the other three had a few spoonfuls before claiming to be much too full to eat another bit -- well, Amanda actually dropped her cup of ice cream after three bites.
Husband was highly annoyed with the rambunctious behavior so we had some words, but that's all water under the bridge now. I have to try to remember that he was treating whining PT patients all day, while I had had plenty of practice with this raucous brood.
In the ice cream place another man stopped me to ask if all four children belonged to me -- do I look like a baby-machine!!??

Next stop was the video rental store -- love our town because pizza place, ice cream place and video store are all next to each other (and video store isn't a chain but a local mom and pop place where you can also rent adult films). We let the two oldest kids choose the videos for movie night. Got home and I won't go into details, but all went well (we decided to skip a bath and are putting off bathing four children until the morning) and they are all sleeping now.

The best part is my kitchen is as sparkling clean as I left it. I swear, if I did have four children I would probably never cook dinner again. If I could choose one room in my house that has to be immaculate, it is the kitchen. I have been known to scrub down cabinets and floors at midnight so that I can wake up to a beautiful kitchen to cook breakfast. It took us so long to clean up the mess in boy's room, girl's room, bathroom and family room tonight and I can't imagine if I was also facing a sink full of dishes and a floor full of crumbs. Four kids can destroy a house in no time. The cousins arrived at 2 and by 2:15 Lucas' and Amanda's room were destroyed. My family room was a mess with toys, crayons, papers. The easel paper roll was emptied and Amanda had decided to take her spray bottle to "clean" my windows -- this means she sprays the windows with water and holds a towel in her hand, but doesn't actually wipe any of the water away.
House is almost in order again because I'm a freak and it's all set to be destroyed again tomorrow.

Mom has offered to take the whole brood off our hands for a couple of hours tomorrow and Phil and I are trying to figure out what we'll do with ourselves. He has very particular ideas and although they sound appealing, my garden is calling. I'm sure we'll both win in the end.

They're here!!!

So, we're watching two of the cousins for the whole weekend. Phil and I can get a taste for what my mom's life must have been like when she had just four. We'll have a 5 year old, a 4 year old, a 3 year old and a 2 year old until Sunday night. Why am I sitting here typing this? Well, I provided them with some Teddy Grahams and yogurt so now they are quietly snacking while I stole a minute to write this.
Molly, I hope you're reading this. If you jabber me Sunday night and don't get a response, call the authorities:)

What would you do with $267 Million?

I was watching the news this morning while husband got the kids squared away with breakfast and they mentioned that the lottery jackpot here was up to $267 million. I don't usually go in for that sort of thing, but while I applied my mascara I thought that with that much money I could certainly hire someone put my makeup on for me every morning... probably with better results.
After I dropped Lucas off at school, Amanda and I headed to the market to stock up on some fruit and veggies for the weekend -- my kids go through fruit faster than Grandma can go through a pound of See's Candy, and that's fast!
After we checked out I noticed a lottery machine. Interesting. Was it a sign? I never noticed it there before, so I decided I better take a chance. There was a dollar in my pocket that I had been meaning to throw in the trash and I decided to put it in the machine. Now I may be holding the "golden ticket". If I do win, I suppose I should share some of the winnings with Eric Spillman over at KTLA, since his story alerted me to the huge jackpot.

What will I do with the rest? Unfortunately (not really) I have a very large family -- 6 siblings, plus one brother-in-law, 2 parents and 2 parents-in-law -- so we'll have to spread the wealth amongst them. After squirling away some for our kids' Harvard educations and donating a sizable chunk to charity, I figure husband and I should be able to afford a pretty nice spread here in suburbia, and perhaps we can even spring for a vacation pad in Hawaii or someplace tropical. If we do that, however, I'll also have to pay for some pretty intense therapy to rid me of my terrible fear of flying.

A touch of nostalgia

The kids are off to brother and sister-in-law's house today so I can dig into a bunch of work that has piled up. It's amazing how much work I can get done when I can focus on things for more than 5 minutes at a time. I'm glad that SIL and I have worked out the kid swap thing so we can both do outside work to supplement the bacon our husbands bring home. God knows we need it in the crazy housing market of So. Cal!
What was I going to post about? Ah, yes, nostalgia.

So, as I'm working I popped in an old CD I found. Beck's Mutations. Husband and I used to listen to a lot of Beck back in our dating days. I haven't listened to it much since we got married 5.5 years ago. A soon as the first notes started I was struck with warm, fuzzy feelings -- I suddenly remembered how much fun husband and I had when we were dating and how great life was then. It still is great and I love husband more deeply now, but everything was so easy then. What worries did we have? We had two nice incomes. We spent hours looking at the ocean from my apartment deck. We could walk to almost anything we needed. We worried only about our own laundry and traffic when visiting each other -- we had to travel across L.A. to see each other for a few months.
We desparately need a fun weekend with no kiddos. We have loads of fun with the kids, but he and I are like two kids when we're alone. We joke and have awesome talks.
It just took a few simple songs to bring all this back. I think I'll pop in my Sean Lennon CD next (one of those songs was our wedding song) to keep the good feelings flowing. And I have to make a note that when I'm feeling frazzled or a bit blah about the day to day of being married, I just have to listen to some old songs to remember that I married my best friend.

Oh, and I love the "new" Beck album, The Information. It's not really new (released in October) but I don't stay on top of these things.

Bad movie -- don't feel so bad because of Netflix

I don't feel so bad when we choose a sucky movie these days because we get them from netflix. We can return it tomorrow and by Friday we'll have a new choice. All for one monthly fee... what a great concept. We've been Netflix customers for a few years now and it has given us access to a lot of movies we never would have seen on the shelves of the local video stores. But we do get some duds, like tonight. Actually, I didn't get a dud, my husband did. He has been a fan of Tenacious D for many years. He and his best pal have excellent voices and although I'm not a fan of the Tenacious D lyrics, when I hear those two belting out some of the tunes from the 1st album, it is entertaining.
Anyway, husband was anxiously awaiting seeing the movie and seeing how we don't go out to the movies because of the difficulty in finding childcare, we put it on our netflix queue long ago. He got the CD and I was not impressed at all.
I've been sitting here processing payroll for the biz and occasionally glancing up at the movie, The Pick of Destiny. It ain't pretty! Husband is disappointed. I guess it wasn't a great idea for the members of Tenacious D to do a movie about themselves.... I mean, they already did that with their HBO show.

So, I don't think I would even recommend it as a rental. It is already difficult to squeeze in time to get a bit of work on the book done and read a bit -- nevermind the yoga I keep meaning to get back to (it's only been since before I was pregnant with my now 2 year old!).

Rainy day blues

Today started off with our morning visitor again. He started early today. Lucas entered our room claiming a bad dream at 3:30 a.m.(either that kid has a lot of bad dreams or he is trying to sucker me into letting him sleep in our room). I took him back to his room and tucked him in again. He was back at 4:15 and I was so exhausted (stayed up too late writing) that I allowed him to stay. Husband never seems to be disturbed by the little critter, but I never get back to sleep fully once Luc is with us. He started asking for breakfast at 6:30 and I told him 5 more minutes. I stretched this out until 6:45 and then he dragged me to the kitchen to help him pour some cereal and milk. Amanda, bless her heart, was sound asleep until 7:15 as always. So, I had a little crankster on my hands because of his poor sleep. We headed out at 8:45 -- late because "someone" hid my keys. We picked up cousin Ben and then stopped by the mailbox to pick up my work mail. Things were going good. We got home and I asked the kids to play for a bit while I got things ready for our craft (homemade placemats). Well, Luc was determined to see the bad in everything. Everyone had a better toy, a better spot to see the book I' was reading, the bigger cupcake (we decorated cupcakes after lunch).... He is acting like we're all out to make him miserable today. Well, I lost it a bit(after 30 minutes of his moaning and crying) and sent him to his room until he could be a good friend. That started the real waterworks and that just tugs at my heart. He is such an emotional boy and I guess I had expectations for what 4 would bring. I thought that by this age he would be able to express himself better and take disappointment a bit better. I need to change my expectations because I know that he's got a lot more emtional growing to do (heck, don't we all).

Everyone is quietly napping now and I've finished cleaning up after lunch and the cupcakes. I have a ton of work to do and this blog is keeping me from it.

Wow, it's been a while since I posted anything here. I often forget about writing on this space and I usually just post family-friendly stuff on Lucas' Web site. None of the fam has this address, so I feel a bit more free to write about things other than the kids.
But what do I want to write about now... the kids.
Lucas' swimming lessons are going better and better each day. I think it is easier for him with the everyday thing instead of the one-a-week crap at the other place -- and you can't beat $37 for two weeks of lessons! I think I'm going to take both kids to the pool for family swim so Amanda can get a chance to take a dip.
She does like going in our luxurious plastic pool at home and she doesn't mind getting her feet wet at the beach. She hasn't really been in a big pool since we went on vacation last summer and back then she was just 6 or 7 months old.

I am going a bit crazy trying to (still) unpack and paint and get furniture for this house. It has been very challenging keeping the kids busy and happy while I get anything done around here. And then there is the stress of work and I'm kicking myself for not signing up Lucas for everyday preschool. I think I will switch him in the fall because I'm going to have my hands full with Amanda and work.

Speaking of work... gotta get to it now.