I wasn't always this way, and maybe having kids has something to do with it. They are ready to disappoint you from day one.
Oh... you thought nursing was going to be a breeze -- well, Mom, let me tell you, I'm going to make it much more difficult than you thought.
Yes, I know you read that book about making your own baby food and it's all organic and home-made and you spent hours in the kitchen... I'm still not going to eat it.
If I was my previous self, I would have taken to my bed for a week over the fact that my daughter never crawled. But something about having kids forces you to rethink how you deal when things just don't go your way. When you are pregnant for the first time, you have all these dreams about how the early years will be. And for the most part, reality doesn't match the dream -- at least it didn't for me. Those first years were wonderful and crazy and hard and I love my kids, but the reality definitely didn't mirror the dream -- except for the love part. I dreamed about tremendous love and reality far exceeded my dreams.
So why am I bringing all of this up now? Tonight an old friend was supposed to drop by for dinner. I haven't seen her in something like 14 years. She was one of my best friends in high school, but then, you know, someone moves 3000 miles away and after a few years it is easy to lose touch. We did. I found her again through facebook. Whoo-hoo. I've had some correspondence with her and then a few weeks ago she said she would be in town and wanted to come by for dinner.
I planned a yummy meal (beef bourguignon) and even picked up the house a bit. I didn't really care too much about the food, I just wanted to see my friend again. I wanted to give her a big, humungous hug. It's now 8:45 and she was to be here at 7. I fed my husband and poured myself a glass of a good Malbec. I now wish I hadn't opened it because I know I won't drink more than one glass. Anyway, I am disappointed and I know that there is a reason she couldn't make it. Stupid me didn't ask for her cell phone so I could call her and I can't call her home because it's like almost midnight there. My kids were sweet... they gave me hugs and said, "mommy, I'm sorry your friend couldn't come." They were comforting me because if one of their friends canceled on a play date, they would be a mess. But I'm not a mess. I'm not sad about the dinner that I didn't eat or the hors dourves that are sitting on the counter. I just wanted to reminisce. Anyway, I hope she is OK and that we'll have a chance to see each other some time.
So now, I'll finish my glass of Malbec and sit on the sofa with hubby.
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