no car days numbered

I've been walking my ass off this week and I've quite enjoyed it. Really.
But all the walking will come to an end in about 10 days -- we have a friend who works for a Nissan dealership, so we'll be leasing a vehicle from them. We did a short lease so that in 2 years we can revisit things and see if we can afford a hybrid. As it is, the altima will get better gas mileage than my van did and I'm hoping that I've developed some good habits in the past couple of weeks.

We walked to dinner tonight with the kids -- the Catholic church up the street (I'm a Catholic who goes to mass sometimes) was having a Fish Fry for lent. They do it every Friday and it was really cool. Lots of friendly people, entertainment, and, all you Catholics can appreciate, a 50/50 raffle. We didn't win the raffle, but the kids had a blast. It really reminded me about the sense of belonging you can feel in belonging to a church. It's the people -- you may not agree with everything the leadership of a church says, but the members of that church often have a lot in common with you.

The credit game

FICO
Fucking Insolent Corrupt Organization

I hate the credit reporting agencies. Who are they to tell me I have average credit? I was checking our reports today and was shocked at our less than stellar number. The reasons astound me and seem so unfair. We have no bad debts. No collections on our accounts, not one single late payment. Yes, we have a high debt-ratio, but all bills have been paid on time year after year. So what's the problem? Simply that we have used our credit and hold high balances on our open accounts.
We've had a difficult year and had to use a lot of our personal credit for my husband's business. On top of that, my husband has taken out a loan for his business in his own name. So, on paper it looks like we are responsible for all the debt, when in fact, his business pays for much of them.
Aye!
In the past few days we've been able to pay off more than half of our personal debt -- by way of selling my car. And the rest should be knocked out at the end of the month. So, in theory our numbers should go up since we'll have no negatives on our account and also no balances on our credit accounts (will still have that nasty business loan). But it still chaps my hide. I'm a good citizen. I pay my taxes, I pay my bills and I bathe my children. Why does this number go around and tell people that I am less than trustworthy?

No car thing

We are still a family without a car and I'm feeling fine about it. I can walk the kids to school in about 12 minutes and then it's 12 minutes back. That is almost the same amount of time it takes me to load them into the car and drive to school, unload and then get back. I say my goodbye quicker now, so I can get to work sooner.
I am spending less money overall because I'm not spending any free time shopping -- I'm at home working, playing with the kids or cleaning the messes said kids create. I have the groceries delivered (I often find free delivery coupons online) and I spend less that way because there are no impulse buys.
Even our dog makes out because she gets to enjoy our company more often.

So, what's the problem, you say? It's the pressure, man. The pressure from the husband, the mom and all of the others who tsk, tsk when they hear we are a family of four without an automobile. I imagine people think I'm some weirdo and one step away from pushing a shopping cart while talking to myself. It's not that I care if people think I'm too poor to have a car. I don't really give a rat's ass about keeping up the the Jones' new BMW. But I do care if people think I'm a bad parent or a bit dim because I don't want a car.

If it weren't for the outside pressures, I could seriously see myself living without a car for quite a while. I was watching a program with Phil the other night and it really scared me. It was a global warming piece -- yes, I've seen An Inconvenient Truth. But this show caught me at just the right time. I heard the message loud and clear that one day soon there will come a point of no return. Got it? A point of no return. A point when we can't save the planet for our children and grandchildren. A point when we give them not hope, but despair. I saw it and said to myself that I've got to take some action. How can I expect everyone else to do so if I don't? I curse the Hummers driving up and down the road, but I still drive from point A to point B when I don't really have to. I spend on things that I don't need. I take a long shower with the water steaming hot. Something about the program made me feel like small changes aren't enough any longer. We all need to make drastic changes.
I already do the little things -- bring my bags to Trader Joes, use natural cleaners in my house, run the dishwasher when full, turn off lights and machines when not needed, bring bags on my walks so I can pick up trash. But what's the biggest problem right now? Our dependence on gas-guzzling cars. Even with the increasing price of gas, I see new large vehicles on the road every day.

In giving into my husband's pleas for me to find a vehicle, I started to browse the listings for hybrid or alternative fuel cars. There is one major problem with most of them -- they are cost-prohibitive. If we do buy a car, we want it to be safe. Any mid-sized car would do, but with a mid-sized hybrid, you are looking at about $25K. VW is coming out with a diesel suv wagon thingy that sounds really provocative, but it doesn't come to the US until September and my husband nearly died when I told him I'd like to wait that long.

If I do cave, we'll probably just go for a standard, fuel-efficient vehicle and try to drive as little as possible. The problem, of course, is that if you have it, you tend to use it. I don't miss it right now, but I don't know how tempting it will be to just hop in the car to grab a gallon of milk like I used to.

This post has gone on much longer than I intended. I'll just close by saying that I'm going to challenge myself to make some big changes in my daily life and I ask you to do the same. Our planet is depending on us to take care of her before it's too late.

They're baaaaaaack!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring is finally here. But it's not March 20th, you say. Well, tell that to the wasps who have returned to keep me captive inside my house.
They show up every spring and build a nest in the same location -- right under where I take out the trash. I just popped outside to empty the garbage and saw two huge suckers flying up into the eaves. Damn them! Who are they to invade my peace and sanctuary?
My husband has knocked down 4 nests since we moved here and I'll have to send him out tonight to do another. I'm sure we'll have at least one, but probably two more nest attempts before the end of summer.
I had dreams of going to the side of the house to pull weeds after I'm done with work for the day, but I'll have to put it off for another day. If you read some of my posts from last spring you'll know that I have an extreme (ridiculously extreme) phobia of flying, stinging insects.

Late

Our local elementary school is about a 5 minute walk from our house. We pass it as we walk to preschool in the morning and most days I am hitting the elementary school right around the time that class should be starting. I've noticed something odd recently... a lot of kids are late for school every day. Parents are pulling up to school a good 3 minutes after the bell has rung. Kids run with backpacks and sweatshirts askew -- they run as the school attendants begin to lock all the gates.
OK... my kids are both in preschool and can show up anytime from 8:15 - 9 a.m., so I shouldn't really throw stones, but come on, people. I don't think I was ever late for elementary school. My parents had to manage 7 kids and we were always there on time. I know, I know, we've got a lot going on in our lives. Moms and Dads are both working, so they have to do a lot more to prepare in the morning. But don't we have an obligation to teach our kids how important school is and, equally, how important time is to other people -- the other kids who are in class, the teacher who has worked on the lesson plan....
When we show our kids that we don't have to be there on time, even though other people are, we are teaching them that other people aren't as important as we are. It's an easy way to show kids how to respect other people.

I detest tardiness. Yes, I have been guilty of it and so I try to forgive tardiness in others, but it's one thing to be late yourself and something else to make your child late.

We'll see what song I'm singing next year when Lucas starts kindergarten -- "we were up so late doing homework, I was out of cereal and my washer wasn't working." I know that I'll be tested, but I hope I can pass. I hope my kids won't be late.

Day three kicks my butt and tv

Day three is done. My 33 year old muscles are aching but I'm determined. Before I had my son, I was a workout freak. I was in excellent shape and hit the gym at least 4 times a week. Since I gave birth, I have become a bit of a slacker. Yes, I chase after the kids at the park, and throw the ball around with them, but I've not dedicated a specific amount of time to exercise every day. I guess that is why the muscles in my back are screaming at me to stop pushing around about 120 pounds for miles and miles -- that's two kids at about 88 pounds total and a jogging stroller that I'm guessing weighs at least 40 pounds.

Walking everywhere is fine and it really doesn't take too much more time than driving around locally -- when you count getting kids in and out of the car, hitting stop lights and finding parking.

We will have to have a hiatus tomorrow afternoon since we must rent a car. We have to attend my aunt's 85th birthday celebration and I'm just not up to walking 15 miles each way:)

As for television, I've started to restrict it. Lucas watched almost no television when he was a little tot. But with the addition of his sister and me starting to work from home, things changed. Somewhere along the line they got out of hand. The kids are early risers -- about 6 a.m. -- and that's not late enough for me to get up before them and get shit done. So while they much on rice krispies and watch some noggin or pbs, I shower, start coffee, pack lunches and check in with work. This started to become a routine of tv from 6:30 to 8. Then, mom has got to have peace while she makes dinner, so they get another 45 minutes or so in the evening. Add in 20 minutes here and there while I make important phone calls or wrap up billing stuff and you are up to a ridiculous amount of tv for a preschooler. The madness must stop. I was all high and mighty because the kids don't watch commercial tv -- Noggin does have some limited commercials, but absolutely no Nickolodeon or Network tv allowed for the kids. But they were watching too much. I started to just say no to tv during the day. At first I was met with much complaining, but the kids are learning to be creative at 7 a.m.
I still have the 30-45 minutes of tv allowed while I prepare dinner, and I don't see that going away any time soon.

I used to wonder how my mom did it -- we only watched limited tv in the evenings and on weekends. But now I remember that we could just walk to a friends house, wander around outside or do whatever the hell we wanted. If we were in the yard for hours, my mom didn't fret. In this day and age, parents have such a short leash on their kids, that no wonder kids watch so much tv. We don't let them ride their tricycles around the block alone, so they hover.
I don't see myself shooing the kids out the front door on their own for a couple of years, so I just have to make sure my paint and play-do cupboard is fully stocked.

Gas

My kids are at an age where passing gas in front of others is funny. My daughter is very quick to say, "excuse me" before she falls over laughing. My son just thinks it is the funniest thing ever if he has gas while showing me his latest ninja moves.
I don't know at what age this changes, but apparently by the age of 9 or 10, it isn't cool to do this in front of the opposite sex.
We were at my son's karate class today and an older boy, waiting in the wings for the next class, was messing around with some karate moves. He was apparently trying to impress his classmate, a girl, who was standing next to him. Amanda and I were sitting next to them when we heard it... the unmistakable fart. The boy quickly moved to the opposite wall. The girl then went to stand next to him and said, "you stink." He was quick to reply that someone had farted, but it wasn't him. He went on and on about this for about 2 minutes... "someone farted, but it wasn't me."
I was very tempted to help him out and say, "Oh, sorry, I had Taco Bell for lunch," but I didn't. Instead I watched as the red-faced boy went outside to wait for his class to begin.

Day two done

Day two without a car went off without a hitch. We walked down to the market to pick up a few things since my mother and aunt were coming for a visit.
In the afternoon we walked down to the park for Luc's karate class.
So far, living without a car has made me slow down. Even though you might think I would have to speed up because getting places takes longer, the past two days have just forced me to use my time more wisely.
When the kids were all in their class at the park yesterday, I sat outside the room and read -- normally I would drive home and get some work done for about 30 minutes before racing back to the park. It was really nice. I feel like the kids and I don't have to rush places and they stop and pick dandelions and blow the seeds, or they try to avoid walking on the cracks in the sidewalk. I haven't been heard to say, "Hurry up!" quite as much.

Even if we do end up with a car this weekend, I hope I can keep up the slower pace.

1st morning

Got the kids out the door at 8:15 a.m. Walked the .86 miles to their school. Dropped them off, chatted with teacher for a moment and then headed the .86 miles back home. I got back at 9 a.m. and now it's time for work. Not too bad.

+++++++ Continued
First full day is done.
Got a bunch of work done and then walked down to pick up 3 kids. We made it about halfway to the park and my nephew's mom pulled up -- she got off work a bit early. She took the boys and headed to the park. Amanda and I tried to beat her, but my jogging stroller was no match for her German wagon. The kids had a great time at their class and chatted about it as we strolled home from the park. Overall the day was very good. The kids don't miss the car, yet....

To be quite honest, I think I could do this for a while, but the outside pressure is great. It isn't in the nature of a Californian to be without a car. I'm getting grief from all sides, and add to that the pressure from my husband who feels that not owning a car says something about his manhood -- not something good.
Today my mom seemed quite dismayed when I told her I had no car. Others have also looked at me like I have 3 eyes.
Whatever, I may give into the pressure, as I usually do.

Car free day 1 and kindergarten worries

Well, I've been car-free for about 6 hours now... so far it's alright:)
We rented a car over the weekend so that we could drive around town to check out some used cars. Nothing was knocking our socks off. In fact, everything was scaring us away. We have decided to just take things one day at a time. I dropped the car off at the rental place (at a local mall) and then walked the 1.5 miles to pick my kids up from school. Then we all walked the .8 miles home. The fresh air seemed to do them good.
I've mapped out some routes to places we normally go and things should be ok, until I want to see my mom, and then I'm going to have to find a bus route or cab it. Tomorrow we'll walk to school, I'll come home and dig into work. I'll bus it out to the mail place where I pick up my work mail and then I'll pick the kids up (plus cousin) and head down to the park, .5 miles from school, for a class they are all taking. We'll then walk home from the park (.75 miles).
On Wednesday I'll do some work in the morning, then I'll pack the kids into the double stroller and walk the 1.75 miles to the library, spend some time there, hit the park next door for some fun and lunch and then walk 1.75 miles home, stopping to pick up a few things at the market.
That's the plan, anyway... for any of you who know me, that could change at the drop of a hat.

As I said, we'll take it slow and if I go too crazy we'll just have to figure something out. Ideally, though, we'll stick with this plan for about 3 months and then lease a new car. By then all debts (except for the house) will be paid, kids will be in school full time and we'll be in a much better place.

Now on to kindergarten news....
My son will be starting the big K in the fall. I've been looking at a couple of local private schools -- we might win the lottery this summer -- and one of them is just wonderful. It actually costs less than I'm paying for his preschool, but my husband has been waiting for the day that freeschool starts. So, while I know he'll most likely have to attend our neighborhood school (a mere .25 mile walk), I wish he didn't have to. I never went to public elementary school, so I don't know much about it, but my mother has planted the seed that public education stinks.

On the way home from preschool today we stopped by our neighborhood K-5 school to pick up the kindergarten registration packet. The woman in the office was nice enough and I know that many parents like the school, but still, I'm nervous. After reading through some of the paperwork, I think I have a right to be.
The school gives you this list of things to work on with your child over the summer. Things like counting, identifying colors, learning the alphabet (these kids are 5, haven't they known these things for a while?) and reading. The reading bit was what got me. The flier says, "Familiarity with books -- read a lot of book to you child!"
No, I don't have a typo in there, I'm quoting the flier!
Now I'm freaking out. I may not always use the proper grammar and my spelling is atrocious, but I'm not teaching a whole classroom of 5-6 year olds.
I'm really worried -- I'm really, really worried.

Vanagon out... what else?

OK, so the Vanagon is out. Last night I had bad dreams of an oil-burning VW. I completely forgot that my parents owned two vw buses in the mid '80s. These things weren't exactly safe. If I were single, perhaps I might go this route, but looking at my two "angels"....

We test drove the Mazda5 this evening. This was high on the list because of the lease offer of $199/mo. and it seats 6. But there are no government crash test ratings and the thing is tiny. Everything is extremely cramped and my 6' 5" husband looked very uncomfortable in the driver seat. Since he does all of our driving on long trips, I just can't do that to him.

The next option would be something like a Honda Accord, but then we aren't really saving any money, which was the point of selling the van.

My husband does fit very well in German cars. Americans are tiny -- because their population has been diluted by the Irish. We are now looking at *very* used BMWs. We've found a couple for about 5K and that will make everything worth it. If we can walk away with a 5K car that will last us for 3 years we will be ahead of the game. Plus, my hubby fits very well in a BMW. I think he decided to be so tall so that he could only drive luxury cars:)
The funny thing is that he drives a scooter to work every day. It is so funny (and cute) to see a 6' 5", 240 pound guy on a tiny scooter. I am blessed that he isn't vain.

Bye, bye minivan

We are no longer the owners of a minivan and I've not shed a single tear. We purchased our van about 2.5 years ago and I have to admit that it is freakin awesome with young kids. It can be a spaceship while you are in the garage doing laundry, the back seat makes a great changing table, you can easily climb around to buckle everyone and even bring many cousins on trips to the park.

Yes, it looks stupid and very uncool, but the convenience makes up for all that. I'm 33 and a mom, I lost "cool" about 5 years ago.

We sold the van to a very nice family today and the reason I've shed a tear is because we are going to pay off some major debt. We have way too many bills and we need to pay them off. Right now we are without a car.
The initial plan was to remain without a car for a few months and, because of the area we live in, it is "almost" doable. We can walk to the market, mall, doctor, school and parks. But we can't walk to my mom's, my work mail center or my brother's house. Also, we started t-ball this spring, and we can't walk to the t-ball fields. Adding up the price of cabs (buses around here are a joke) put us off on the idea.

We were thinking of leasing a Mazda5 because it seats 6, but after a search on Craig's list, we found something that might be even better.... a 1987 Vanagon.

Dude, I remember going on many trips with my bff -- we went camping, on beach trips and berry picking in the Vanagon. It was awesome.
We've got a financial plan now, so in two years we should be able to purchase a new car. Can a Vanagon do us right for the next two years? If we go this way, it will put us ahead in our gameplan.
We're going to check out a couple of Vanagons this weekend, so we'll see....

Snow day

We hit the steeps of Frazier Park last Sunday. It was a perfect day for sledding and the kids had a blast. The last time we went was 2 years ago and Lucas was definitely ready to sled his butt off. He and Phil went down some pretty steep hills and Luc ended up with his face in the snow numerous times. But his favorite activity of the day was licking the snow. Every time we turned around the kid was on the ground eating nature's snow cone.
We made a tiny snowman -- we named him TrashEye McGillicutty because one of his eyes was a budwieser bottlecap we found on the ground.

The one downside to these daytrips is that, as far as gear goes, we are unprepared. We don't have snowboots, snow jackets or snow pants. Why would I shell out $500+ outfitting our family for a once a year trip? We don't have the cash, so we just bought a bottle of scotch guard and doused our jeans. Yes, folks, we were the family in jeans and sneakers at the snow. It wasn't a pretty sight, but the kids didn't give a crap. There were some other families around and they were all decked out in the latest snow fashions.
It reminded me of when I was a kid.... We never had money for snow clothes, so we did the old scotch guard and jean thing way back then. As a "tween" I always swore that I wouldn't be like that as a grownup. Well, look at me now:)

Bye, bye binky. Bye, bye sleep.

My daughter finally gave up her binky three days ago. She's been on the fence about the whole thing lately, but on Thursday night, we couldn't locate a "dummy tit" anywhere (the dog has been finding them lately). My husband, who has been trying to get our daughter to give the thing up for more than a year, said, "well, that's it, no binky tonight."
Of course, he got to put her to bed that first night -- she did fine. Friday was a very busy day and she only asked for it a couple of times, but by bedtime, she was jones'n for it. We had the cousins over for a sleepover and I thought that would distract her. I was wrong.
She finally fell asleep at about 9:30. At 1:30 a.m. she was in my bed. My husband retreated to the couch because he was pissed that I allowed her to sleep with me -- he thinks it will set a precedent or something. Our kids are fairly good sleepers now, but it has taken a lot of work and he is very leery of anything that might allow them to fall into bad habits.

So we're at 1:30 and my daughter is like a junkie looking for a fix. I really felt bad for her. I couldn't console her -- she was wringing her hands, jumping out of bed every 2 minutes looking for "something" and just overall nervous. Poor little thing. We got through the night, but my eyes needed an extra dose of visine.

Tonight was bad putting her down to sleep. She was already very tired from little sleep last night and she wouldn't lie down. I cuddled up with her in bed but she was moving all over the place. Finally, she asked me to put her stuffed pig in the freezer for the second time (long story) and I said no. She got pissed and so did I... I had had it with the constant whining all day... and I said, "why don't I just throw your piggy in the trash!" She looked at me and said, "Mommy, that's not nice. Piggy is a stuffed animal, not a toy. I'm going to throw you right in the trash." At that point I was ready for it.

She's sleeping now, and I feel bad for losing my temper.

On a good note, tee-ball practice went much better today. My brother, who is coaching his daughter's softball team, showed me a few pointers and we passed them on to our son. He seemed to pick them up. He stopped a few balls, threw overhand, and ran the bases in order:)

tee-ball and too much chocolate

Today was Valentine's Day and that means my kids were bombarded with candy of all sorts at school and from grandparents. Everywhere you turn in our house there is a little bag filled with treats. It's hard to keep track of all the stuff and that is why about 10 minutes before we left for my son's first tee ball practice I suddenly realized that my daughter had stuffed a bunch of chocolate in her mouth. Uh-oh, I thought, this is not good.
No time to worry, got to get to tee ball on time (I hate being tardy for anything).
We headed out the door and were back 3 minutes later because I had forgotten my son's glove.

How was tee ball practice? It was painful to watch. My son got out there and hadn't a clue what to do. We've tried to throw and catch balls in the past, but the kid isn't a natural. Every "tee" we've bought in the past has ended up becoming a sword or something of that nature and is broken in a matter of days.
He threw underhand, folks. He couldn't catch a ball and he tried to hit lefty even though he is right handed. He ran from first base to third and then when it was time for him to run home, he headed back towards first. It wouldn't have been so bad, but all the other kids looked like they had been playing for years. He is the youngest on the team (just turned 5) but I was embarrassed that I hadn't prepared him more. The great thing was that he didn't notice his lack of skills and he had great fun. We'll practice a lot more at home to hone his "skills".

After practice we decided to head to the sporting goods store to pick up a real bat for Luc and some of the stuff he'll need once games start. About 5 minutes after we got to the store my daughter didn't look too good. She suddenly said, "I'm not going to throw up Momma." That usually means she's about to blow chunks.
I signaled to my husband that we had to leave asap. I took my daughter to the car and waited for Phil to pay for our things. On the drive home my daughter didn't look good. I grabbed the bag that held the new equipment, dumped everything out and held the bag up to her face.
It wasn't a pretty end to her Valentine's Day. But maybe she'll learn her lesson for next year:)
She recovered after an episode of Scooby Doo and was ready to join us all for dinner. She even had the nerve to ask for a treat after dinner -- I refused and she didn't protest, so maybe she did learn something.

First Barbie Bites the Dust

So my daughter received her first Barbie Doll for her birthday the other day. I remember really, really wanting a Barbie car when I was a little kid -- well, my 3 year old daughter received a Barbie and a sporty purple convertible from Aunt Cindy.

I'm afraid that Barbie won't be driving the car all that much. She was the victim of a freak chewing accident. I got home from dropping the kids at school and I had (still have) a ton of work to do. I grabbed a greenie bone for my dog -- you know, so she'll have nice breath -- and then turned my attention to my billing software. I heard Ruby chewing on her bone. About 5 minutes later a I turned to give her a pat and saw a bunch of tan plastic all over the floor. Barbie's leg was in Ruby's mouth and both of her arms were already gone.
I think 3 is too young for a Barbie anyway.

Christmas and Birthdays are over and the dog is house-trained (sort of)

Quite a bit of time has passed since my last post. I've been super busy and just didn't feel like writing anything down at the end of the day.
Since I last posted, we gained a four-legged friend, my son turned 5, we celebrated Christmas and my daughter's 3rd birthday.
My daughter will officially be 3 tomorrow.

Let's start with the first thing... our four-legged friend, Ruby. Ruby is named after the character from Ruby and Max -- but she is not as much of a biotch. My brothers approve of the name because it happens to be their favorite programming language. I'll just let them believe that she is named after that:) The first week we had Ruby the Rocket, she was a dream dog. We rescued her, so we have no idea what type of dog she is or how old she is. They estimate she is between 8 months and 2 years old. She has some terrier in her. When it started raining around here, she started peeing in the house. I had just finished with potty-training my daughter about 3 months previous, so I was a bit dismayed to have to be scrubbing carpets and washing bedding all day long. I think we have things fixed up again and she only pees inside if my husband gets her too excited and then picks her up -- must have some cocker spaniel in there somewhere.

A few weeks after we got Ruby, my son turned 5 . We had a really fun party for him, but I won't bore you with those details. I just want to say that 5 is a truly magical age. And I don't mean that in any sarcastic way. It seems like the day my son turned 5, he turned into a completely different boy. Gone is the difficult son who fought with his sister at every turn. Gone is the boy who cried everytime he scraped his knee or got water in his eyes. He gets his own snacks, he buckles sis into her booster seat, he even helps me wash the windows. I loved him before and thought he was awesome, but now my mind is blown almost every day by how mature and caring he is becoming. Don't get me wrong, folks, he is still a boy. He still runs around like a monkey and if we are in a store, he can't keep his hands off anything, but he is becoming such a unique person and I love that. 5 is the best... so far.

Three year old girls, on the other hand, I can do without. Starting about a month ago, my daughter started in with the terrible twos (and she'll be three tomorrow). She is not someone you want to be around. I have to hang out with her because I'm her mom, but stay away if you aren't related. Everything is so dramatic and if you tell her no or correct her about something... even in the most loving way... the waterworks turn on. She's sharp as a tack, but a little juvenile:)

We celebrated her birthday today at Chuck E. Cheese. It was a co-birthday with her cousin who will be turning 4 shortly. She also has a cousin who turns 3 on Monday and one who turns 6 on Tuesday. It's a busy month for my family. I highly recommend the co-birthday thing from an economic standpoint:) We don't have to do the party thing again and the parents of the kids make out because we split the bill.

We survived the holidays, with a very full house. I am a freak when it comes to stuff being everywhere, but I didn't go too crazy while we had 8 people sleeping in our little house for 3 nights. I did find myself pulling out the vacuum at inappropriate moments, but that's as far as I went. I didn't go around lifting people's glasses and sliding coasters underneath.

I hope you all had a happy December and a wonderful New Year. I feel optimistic that this is going to be a great year.

Reading is fun!

My little boy is a reader:) I never thought I would get so excited by the sentence, "Mat sat on Mac."
We bought Lucas some Bob Books a couple of months ago and at first he wasn't too interested. He's known his letters for a few years now, and has known their sounds for quite some time, too, but he didn't want to sit down and actually put letter sounds together.
About a month ago, I gave him a choice of activities for an afternoon and he chose reading the Bob Books. The first few days were a real struggle -- his first instinct was to go for the long sound of vowels but these books start with most vowels using their short sound.
But now we've moved onto our second set of books and he is reading in the hallway to himself, sounding out words, while I brush Amanda's teeth.
I admit that I'm one of those annoying parents who cheers when my kid goes down the slide, or starts swinging on the swing by himself, so of course, everytime he reads a string of new words, I give him a high five.
He brought his books to school for show and tell and both of his teachers came up to me at the end of the day to remark on how well he is reading and asked how often we practice. I beamed with pride and it almost canceled out the previous talk I had with his teachers about my boy's rambunctious behavior in the classroom.

I don't think I started reading until I was probably 6 years old. Luc is almost 5, so he's got me beat already.

License Plate Cover Seen Today

My other toy
has tits


I guess he must have paid a lot for them if he feels the need to tell the world.

Mellow Thanksgiving and Ghostriding Causes Me to Break My Butt

The members of the Crouse Haus headed down to O.C. to visit the Grandparents Crouse for a little Thanksgiving goodness. The highlight of the trip, for me, was making it down there in under an hour and fifteen minutes on Wednesday night. We have never made it down there that quickly before. It was amazing... the kids barely had time to get started complaining when we pulled up in the driveway. This is just the third time in my life that I've been away from my siblings and parents on Thanksgiving and it was very mellow. I come from a family of 7 kids, so when you add spouses and kids, the place gets wild. This year there were just six of us and it was nice. There was room for everyone at one table and there weren't a zillion different dishes that I felt obligated to try.
We hit South Coast Plaza the day after Thanksgiving just to watch the shoppers. Holy crap, I cannot believe how many people were there. It was like a movie, with people bumping into one another, strollers loaded with so much crap that the babies were being dragged along by their parents. We left just spending $2 to ride the carousel and a bit on lunch. Nice. I've done most of my shopping online and just have a few odds and ends to pick up. The hardest part for me is wrapping, because I am a shitty wrapper.

Thank God I have a laptop, because I'm typing this while lying down. I think I broke my tailbone today. My husband says it's just bruised a bit, but shit, it hurts. My kids love it when my husband straps them into the double stroller and ghostrides them. He stands in our culdesac and gives them a trememdous push and they ride all the way to the top of our driveway, where I am waiting to give them a shove back down to my husband. They freak out it is so much fun. Hubby ate a little too much spinach for lunch and he gave them too big of a push this afternoon. They came zooming at me -- only a few inches behind me was the garage door -- and I couldn't fully stop the thing. I don't know exactly what happened, except I went flying in the air and landed square on my ass. It hurt like a bitch! That's 115 pounds (well, probably 118 after the Thanksgiving feast) coming down on my little tailbone. Over the course of the afternoon, the pain has increased. I just pray I won't be sitting on a donut this week at work.

nanowrimo a little behind...

I got a late start with nanowrimo.org because I didn't find out about the thing until we were well into November. What a great idea, and just what I need to put a fire under my ass.
I'm only up to about 3,800 words so I doubt I'll "win" this year, but hey, it's good practice. My husband has taken the kids out this afternoon so I can get a bit more words down, and I needed to take a break -- take a break by writing more.

This afternoon my husband asked when I was going to finish my book and bring in a million bucks. I replied that I needed to be rich so that I could devote all time to writing instead of pushing papers at work and scrubbing toilets on the side. He said that once I made my million I could "write for a living." But there's the catch 22, right. I need money in order to keep the dream alive. I find that at the end of the day -- after putting in time with work, caring for the kiddos and keeping the house from falling part -- my brain is in a fog. The past few months have been dry. I am all too happy to pick up a book and stick my nose in it for 2 hours in the evening rather than spending that type pounding on the keyboard.

So, here I am with another hour or two of writing time -- minus the 15 it took me to get dinner in the oven -- and I'm taking a quick break to write some nonsense here. It may be silly, but it does help clear my head. Writing down the day to day junk here gets it out of my head and leaves room for better things.

Bee Movie gets an A and where are my kids?

I took the kids + cousin Ben to see Bee Movie today. I was a little worried because it was PG and I thought it might not hold their interest, but at less than 90 minutes running time, I decided to give it a go. The kids loved it and so did I. A few folks didn't make it through the movie, but my charges sat almost quietly through the entire thing. They did eat their weight in junior mints and I had to take out a small home equity loan to pay for the movie and snacks, but it was worth it.
Now they are all happily building a fort in the living room and I have a few minutes to waste.

Speaking of the good behavior at the movies, what the hell has happened to my kids lately? A few weeks ago I was ready to tear my hair out. They were constantly fighting and never listening to a word I was saying. The past two weeks have been, well, strange. I am getting compliments on how well-behaved my kids are and now I wonder what the hell I was doing wrong for so long.

I have been plenty stressed out the past 6 months or so.... mostly about money and jobs, both mine and my husband's. Those situations haven't gotten better. Husband seems to keep getting bad news and taking out business loans, while medicare hasn't reimbursed his business since April! 80% of his patients are medicare, so that basically means no money for the business. Apparently a lot of PTs and doctors are having trouble with medicare, so we're not alone, but shit, we're talking the death of a business. Anyway, my anxiety level was at an all time high and trying to meditate or exercise my anxiety away wasn't working. After yelling at my kids for something trivial because I was stressed out, I decided to ask my doctor for a little help. 13 days into taking medication for my anxiety and I feel like a new person.

I didn't realize how much my anxiety could have been affecting my kids until I noticed how their behavior started to improve as I started to feel better. They weren't little out of control monsters, their mother was.

Invasion

The invasion has begun and I'm on a mission of destruction. The other day some ants invaded the master bathroom. I got rid of them and hoped that would be that. The next morning as Lucas was using the kids' bathroom he yelled that he was surrounded by ants... they hadn't gone, just moved. Ants in my house are one of my worst nightmares. The kids don't bring food into their rooms and I try to keep things pretty clean by dusting and vacuuming regularly -- apparently, the ants don't care. They want in.

I called my Orkin guy because we have a service every two months around the outside of the house to keep ants and spiders at a minimum. The guy came out this morning and took care of the problem in the bathroom. About an hour ago I went to put the kids down for a nap. I decided to lie down with them for a bit because I was damn tired. A few minutes into naptime, I heard son saying, "I see ants!" I looked up and sure enough, there were hundreds of critters trailing all along the baseboards. I quickly shooed the kids into my room and I tried to get a handle on the situation.
Of course, since this is the kids' room, I don't want to fill it with Raid. I filled a bottle up with vinegar and sprayed all over. They were under the mattresses, along the wall, climbing on the bookcase... everywhere. Help!
After soaking them with vinegar, I sprinkled all around with baking soda. I'm not sure what else to do that is natural. I will wait for everything to dry and then vacuum and dump the vacuum bag. If they keep coming back I'm going to abandon the house and move in with my mom:) The thought of an ant climbing on my precious child while he is sleeping is more than I can bear.

Anyone get rid of ants indoors without using chemicals? I don't mind spraying that stuff outside, but inside... I'm a little leery.

It's all relative and Halloween movie suggestions

I stopped by the local CVS store today to pick up new toothbrushes for the kids -- we had an ant invasion in the kid's bathroom (I swear it is clean) and I found a few of the critters on the toothbrushes. Yuck! Anyway, we had to stop by the Halloween section to try on scary masks. Amanda was scared of all of them until Lucas picked up a hockey mask, and said, "Look, Amanda, this one isn't scary at all." "You're right, Lucas," she said, as she picked up her own hockey mask to try on and my two little Jasons walked up and down the aisle wondering why people were running for their lives. My kids haven't seen Friday the Thirteenth, so the hockey mask thing isn't a bit scary. I really found that amusing. Guess I need to get out more.

Every Halloween, I rent the movie Halloween and carve my pumpkin. Since the kids came along, we carve the pumpkin first and I save the scary movie for when they are tucked in bed. Then hubby and I bake our pumpkin seeds and watch the show. I know, it is a cheesy horror flick from the '70's but for some reason, that movie always leaves me anxious for the next few nights. I'll turn out the lights and that music starts playing in my head. I usually have about 3 or 4 nights of not sleeping well.
Anyway, I think I'm going to make a change this year and skip watching Halloween, even though I love it. I need my sleep these days, so a nice, old-timey thriller will do.
If anyone reads this and has any suggestions, let me know.
I'm thinking along the lines of "Sorry Wrong Number" or "Dial M for Murder".

First day of school

My daughter had her first day of school today:)
She barely had time to say goodbye to me as I dropped her off -- so much for first day jitters.
She's been going to the school for a year and half now with me to drop off my son, so she is familiar with all the teachers and many of the kids. She is a favorite of the other two Amanda's who already attend -- that makes three Amandas in a very small preschool.
After the drop-off, which I expected to take a while, but actually only took a few minutes, I headed home to dig into work. Man, did I get some work done today. It's amazing how much I can accomplish in 4 hours when I am not constantly interrupted to have a tea party or dress up like Batman. I was really lucky to have more than 2.5 years with daughter right by my side, but I was more than ready to have her start her education:)
I think we'll all be a little better off with the kids in school a few hours a week and my boss will be happy that our customers are getting some attention.

Tonight my daughter called grandma (my mom-in-law) to tell her about the first day. MIL said that I must have been staring at the walls wondering what to do with myself while the kids were away. I had to walk in the other room and count to ten... come on, woman, I have a JOB outside of laundry and cooking and I barely had time to finish up before I gobbled down a Lean Cuisine (at my desk) and ran out the door to pick the kids up in time. I know she meant well, but damn, it really made me feel like she doesn't know beans about me.

Confusion... is it really mine? Decisions....

After re-reading my last post, it seems that I am the one who is confused, not my kids.
They are asking totally logical questions but they just aren't the ones I was expecting yet. We're all ready for "why is the sky blue?" and all that, but haven't given much thought to questions about different types of people or families that are out there.
I did tell my son that, yes, some boys do marry other boys, but that most people happen to marry someone of the opposite sex. Is that all I need to say at this point? Do I need to add more, like it's OK to marry someone of the same sex but I'm hoping we don't have to cross that bridge? Doesn't that make it sound like I don't approve? I want to teach the kids to be accepting of all good humans out there and to care for other people no matter the color of their skin, the language they speak or if they choose a mate who has the same body parts as themselves. All of those things are easy for me to talk to them about at this point in time, but I'm wondering how I'm going to handle things when they demand more of an explanation.

The Crouse Haus is under a tremendous amount of stress lately. My job, which I've had for more than 12 years, is on shaky ground and I don't know if it will be there in a few months. My husband's clinic is having issues right now and we aren't bringing in the same income we were when we purchased this house with a huge mortgage. We've been in the red for about 9 months now and the savings have vanished. My husband seems to be totally out to lunch concerning these issues and being that I am the one who handles all the finances, I feel that I am shouldering all the stress right now. I've tried to approach the subject of possibly selling our house and his response was to bring in an extra $50/mo by renting out the side of our house to someone for RV or boat storage.
Of course, for my husband, moving "down" would be a totally shot at his ego. Here he is, working 50 hours a week at his own clinic and he can't even afford a decent house for his family. I don't look at it like that, but he does.
Our options are to try to cut costs at home -- cancel cable, never turn on lights, eat spaghetti every night, shop at used clothing stores, cut our own hair and cancel Christmas and vacations for the next 3 years.
Option 2 would be to sell our home and find a nice townhouse or possibly rent a place for a year or two.
Anyone out there rent with kids? I'm wondering if the kids will suffer by not living in a "neighborhood". Will other kids want to come over to play? We've owned a house since before we had the kids and I grew up living in a regular single family dwelling.

One thing is for sure, something's got to give. For my own mental health and the mental health of my kids, I'm hoping husband will go for option 2.

My kids are confused

My daughter demands to wear her brother's Power Ranger pajamas every night and now she insists that she "must" be Robin (from Batman and Robin fame) for Halloween. She has some princess dressup stuff from grandma and her cousin will loan her a mermaid costume, but no, she has to be Robin.

Yesterday my son asked me if he could marry his cousin, Benjamin. I told him no, you can't marry your cousin. "Well," he said, "I want to marry a boy." Oh, shit, it was only 9 a.m., too early for my brain to come up with some great parental comeback.
Cut to yesterday afternoon on the way back from the library... "Mom, I really want to marry Ben." I tell my son again that he can't marry his cousin and that I'm sure he'll meet a nice lady that he'll want to marry when he is a grown-up. "Mom, do some boys marry other boys?" WTF.... "You're in preschool, son, get back to me in a couple of years and I'll formulate the correct response."

What the hell is wrong with my kids? Maybe it's all the recent talk of God wanting us to love everyone no matter how different they are. God made everyone and we should all love each other. But, I'll tell you what... as a mother of a 2.5 and almost 5 year old, I don't want to deal with how I'm going to love my transgender/gay kids just yet.

Annoyed that I was annoyed

My son goes to a small preschool which he really likes. I haven't really gotten to know any of the parents because I'm always running in and out... with work commitments, I don't have much time to stand around and chat or plan playdates. He does have one good buddy there who has come over and the mom seems friendly enough. Of course, there is also the problem of me being a total social-phobe.... being the self-absorbed person that I am, I always feel I flub with small-talk and people must think I'm an idiot. Which is why I'm so annoyed that I reacted the way that I did today....
Another mom I haven't seen before was waiting outside for her preschooler and she started calling her little toddler over to her, "Lucas, come here." I went up and said, "Lucas, that's such a nice name. That's my son's name, he's in the blah, blah blah..."
"Oh," she said, "do you spell his name with a 'c'?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Oh, we used a 'k', EVERYONE uses a 'c'." I mumbled something and then turned away annoyed with her comment. So, now I'm everyone and a moron for not being more creative with my son's name?
Anyway, right after I turned away to stare at the preschool door I felt ashamed for feeling annoyed with this totally unoffensive comment. I've said things like that before with people I don't know. You just say something without thinking and then immediately feel like such a dork. I should have turned back to her to talk some more, but I didn't and so now I'm annoyed with myself.

Oops I did it again!

No, I didn't play with your heart, but I did end up at Chuck E. Cheese today and then regretted it as soon as we walked out the door and my son burst into tears because his cheap ass "prize" broke 30 seconds after it was received.
There is a Chuck E. Cheese about a mile from my house. I have been there 5 times now in the last 3.5 years. All of these trips, except for one desperate rainy day, were made because of birthday parties or rewards for potty training. Today was a reward for potty-training for my daughter. She finally kicked the poop-in-your pants habit. We're going on 3 straight days of making it to the potty on time and for the first time in 4 years and 9 months I am diaper free! Yipee! The kids had a fine time at the restaurant and I didn't have a terrible time because the place was deserted and I had a coupon! The problem started when my tired son broke the cheap toy that he won.
He doesn't understand why they hand out crap.

Time lady is gone and why I like fall better than spring

It happened and I missed it. The time lady is no more in Southern California. I knew the end was near, but I thought I had a few more days. I tried to call last night and I was informed that the time lady had already passed on. I'm upset. I have vivid memories of being in my childhood kitchen and calling the time lady on our rotary phone. I don't know why, but sometimes we would listen to her voice for a minute or more. It was familiar, soothing, always there.... Now it's gone.

I love fall and we are having a bit of autumnal weather around So. Cal this week. It is quite early for such weather, but I'll take it even if it only lasts a couple of days. Although there is a chill in the air, fall carries with it some of the warmth left over from summer. I can't describe it except to say that my bones must have socked away some of the summer heat and they slowly release it when an autumn breeze blows.
Spring, on the other hand, carries with it the cold of winter. My bones haven't completely thawed out by the time spring rolls around and those cool spring breezes always leave me chilled. The temperature could be the same in spring and fall, but I would always feel warmer at my core when the leaves are changing (wishful thinking where I live) and the pumpkins are being carved.

Poop training just won't end, church carnivals and poker face

So my daughter simply refuses to poop on the potty. She has pee down pat... she makes it to the potty on time all the time for that. For poop, though, she just won't do it. Give her a favorite pair of underpants and she'll soil them in an instant. Promise her a puppy, trip to McDonald's, any toy in the toy store... on and on and she still won't do it. She knows what she's doing; it's not like she is having "accidents". She'll suddenly disappear and if I hear her door close, I know it's too late. She's quick... I can be in her room 1 second after she shuts the door and she'll say, "Change Me!" Yet if we stick at home for two days, not allowing her to wear pants of any sort, she'll hold it in (sorry, but there's no other way to put it). Then, as soon as we put her to bed with pants or a pullup on, she'll come out of her room 5 minutes later demanding to be changed.
The girl is almost 2.9 years old, for God's sake! My son was potty-trained in 7 days at age 2.5. She's supposed to start preschool in 1 month, but she has to be toilet-trained. If she doesn't go to preschool, I can't work and if I can't work, we can't pay our mortgage (yes, things are getting very tough around the Crouse Haus) and we'll have to move. If we do end up having to sell our house and move to an apartment, should I let her know it is all her fault because she can't sit her butt down on the potty and do what every other normal person does? She speaks in multiple sentences, she can kick my butt at Candyland and Go Fish. What is wrong???

After changing my daughter this afternoon, we went to a carnival held at a local Catholic Church/School. It was the church I grew up attending and I went to their carnival every year. It's been about 15 years since I've attended their carnival and not much has changed. Even the kids look the same. There's the same Cake Walk, rides, baked goods sale, carnival games and, of course, the Knights of Columbus sponsored beer booth:) About the only thing that has changed is the price of tickets for rides. We dropped about $40 just for the kids to go on about 5 rides each. Damn. My parents had 7 kids, so I know they couldn't have afforded that back in the day. The kids had a really fun time, though, and so did I. Amanda ate her weight in cotton candy and Lucas has stains all over his brand new robot shirt from his delicious snow cone. We put $10 in for the raffle of various gift baskets and maybe we'll win something when they do the drawing tomorrow. The experience even made me wonder if myself and the kids aren't missing out on something by not belonging to a church. Sure, I don't agree with many of the teachings, but who can argue with making friends in a community of folks who follow Jesus' teachings.? If only church leaders were a bit more like Jesus, I would readily sign up. If you believe everything you read in the Bible, we should all try to be more like him... if we were, then all the shit going on in the world, wouldn't be going on.

Now we come to the poker face. Apparently I don't have one. We have really taken to playing Go Fish around the Crouse Haus. Everyone in the household can play it, but I, according to Lucas, don't play well. As soon as I draw a card from the pile, he immediately knows whether I got the card I was looking for or not. He says my face gives it all away. Damn, he's only 4.5 and already he kicks my butt at cards!

Morning at the beach

I packed three kids into the car early this morning in an attempt to escape the heat. It is probably about 100 now in the Conejo Valley. The weather in Malibu was absolutely perfect. Not a cloud in the sky and a slight breeze helped keep us all cool. The kids were freakin wild and as I stood on the beach watching the three of them tempt fate in the waves I thought, "what the hell was I thinking about bringing three young children to the beach!" I almost had a heart attack a few times when a big wave would come crashing and the three barely made it back to the beach. But I held back, as much as I wanted to run and scoop them all up.

I also met a lovely woman and her son. The reason I mention it is because this woman, Lisa, has the personality I dream of having. The woman must have spoken with at least a dozen people as we watched our kids and then headed across the street to have lunch (with the richies) at a little place in the Malibu Country Mart. She came up to me and said something like, "I hope you don't mind if we hang out because I think our kids might have fun together." Then she invited me to join her and another friend for lunch. She calmly reprimanded my son for throwing sand, she asked another woman if she would mind if we sat at her table and she picked up another conversation with a woman sitting alone on a bench. That is more talking with strangers than I usually do in a whole month. She seems like one of those women who can easily strike up a conversation with someone standing in line at the supermarket. I love that. I wish I could be like that. I know that unless I decided to become heavily medicated I'll never be that way, but it is refreshing to meet friendly people like that. It's too bad she lives about 30 minutes from us.... actually, lucky for her or else I might just try to hang out with her more often:)

We're now back in the oven. I broke down and turned on the air because my daughter is napping. The boys are tearing about the playroom, so I better go investigate. Only about 5 more hours before it will be cool enough to run around outside.... help!

Black Hole

I was crunching some of our household numbers today and the song "Black Hole Sun" game into my head. My budget doesn't have anything to do with that song, but whenever I am thinking of black holes that song just immediately begins to play.

There is a black hole in our household. It is eating up money and we can't quite figure out where it is all going. When the kids start preschool in the fall -- daughter's first year of school and my son's last year of preschool -- I'll be able to put in a few more hours at work. Of course, all that extra money will quickly disappear to pay for the crazy preschool costs. After I pay taxes on my salary, I'm left with enough for each hour of work to buy some sort of Venti concoction at Starbucks.
Ah, well, they really need school and my work needs more attention than I can give it when I'm trying to put tape over my kids' mouths as I make an important phone call (kidding...)

In any case, the Crouse Haus is going on a serious budget diet. The kids are going to be moaning about going without fancy stickers and disgusting junk food. I'm going to go back to home coloring for my hair -- looks like I'll be back to brown, since I'm not allowed to attempt blond at home after the strawberry blond incident. As for my husband... he already does with so little and he works like a dog -- I think he can continue to get his fancy-pants beers.

That's just gross!

My kids are about average on the gross factor. They do things all the time that give me the heebie-jeebies. My son once licked the floor of an ice-cream store... I guess he wanted to see what it flavor it was. In public restrooms, my daughter likes to put her hands in the bubbles that are left behind after she has washed her hands -- doesn't she know how many dirty people have washed their hands in those sinks?!

This evening my daughter did something, that I'm sure seemed perfectly natural to her, but it totally grossed me out. We have two step-stools in the bathroom for the one sink. The kids stand side by side to brush their teeth. First I brush my son's teeth and my daughter does her own, then we switch. Tonight I was brushing my son's teeth and he spit in the sink -- so far, so good. My daughter immediately dipped her toothbrush in the foam her brother just spat out and before I could stop it, the toothbrush was back in her mouth. Ew! Double ew! We either need to think about remodeling the kids' bath to include two sinks or we have to move.

Demogirl has left the building

Demogirl, who happens to be my baby sister, moved out of the Crouse Haus on Saturday. We are all sad to see her go and the kids keep looking at the room where she was sleeping and they sadly ask, "where's Aunt Molly?" It was so nice having her with us the past 3 months but I'm sure she'll be much happier not having to share a bathroom with two preschoolers.
Demogirl is headed up to S.F. to put down some roots and make some business contacts.
If you see her walking around the streets of San Francisco, be sure to say "hi".

We wish you luck, Balz, and we hope you get a really big apartment so the members of the Crouse Haus can come up for a visit soon. Heehaw!

Driving with the windows down and 100%

I got my first car when I turned 18. It was a 1992 Toyota Tercel... my car payment never went about $108/mo. It was a great little car and got me across the country a couple of times before I traded it in (read: gave it away) in 1999. My little green car had no air conditioning -- the car was manual transmission, no air, no cd or tape player, manual windows, no floor mats!
I moved to the mountains of Colorado shortly after I bought the car, so the no air thing didn't matter. It only came into play when I was driving for a visit home and had to drive through Las Vegas in the middle of July. I also moved to North Carolina for a spell, and air would have come in handy during the humid summer months.
Needless to say, the windows were often down in my car. I took for granted all of the sounds, feelings and smells you experience while driving with the windows down. I currently have a minivan (barf) and living in the hot Conejo Valley I rarely have the windows down. Yesterday as the kids and I were driving around doing errands I put down three windows to circulate the stale air. Wow, it felt freakin great. I could hear all the traffic around me, the moving air felt great on my face and there was something about listening to "Rock 'N Roll Radio" (yes, I own the Shrek III soundtrack) with the windows down that made the music seem more, well, rockin!
I'm definitely going to drive with the wind blowing my hair more often.

I received the score on my first test from my online writing class -- 100%. Yes! I still remember some of the grammar I learned in high school:) The first exercise was a grammar test, so it was yes and no answers. The test has me very excited about the next lecture. I hope that the writing assignments can kick my butt into high gear and get me more motivated about writing again.

Love Stubb's BBQ and Pippi

The BBQ went well at our pad today. I think I'm getting the hang of it and, really, it is easy as long as I have my pal Stubbs in the pantry. I got turned onto this BBQ sauce a few months back and I can't go wrong with it. Ribs in the crockpot... done! Steak on the bbq, easy. Today I was bold and I prepared chicken, ribs and veggie skewers -- all marinated in various Stubb's creations. Our buddy Paul took a few bites of the ribs and said to me, "tell me everything you can about these ribs." Dude, the ribs were on sale for about $1 a pound at Vons and Stubb's did the rest:)

After the other adults left our place, we ended up with two extra kids. Our kids wanted their cousins to stay the night and we decided we had enough energy left to brush two extra sets of teeth. I checked "Pippi in the South Seas" out of the library the other day and turned it on for the kids tonight. Man, they loved it. Some of it was, of course, a bit corny, but I still freakin love that movie. I remember watching it as a kid... it was on like 3 or 4 times a year on Channel 5 out here. I'm going to check out some of the other Pippi episodes -- it's such an innocent movie and I'll happily let him watch things like Pippi as long as I can get away with it.

Can't close a bad book

I have a problem. I can't stop reading a bad book, even if I am not enjoying it.
I have been a lover of books since I can remember. I think I came out of the womb loving words.
I would love to finish one of the books I have started writing but my problem is that my writing is not so great. I think that is why I have a problem dissing a book that isn't satisfying. Who am I to give up one someone who has been published?

I love to read anything. I read blogs, I read books, magazines, junk mail....
When I read beautiful prose, I feel really good. Many (many, many) times I don't "get" a book, but if the writing is pretty, I keep reading because I get some sort of euphoric feeling from reading those beautiful words. One recent example is "Arlington Park" by Rachel Cusk. The book left me feeling a little dirty and sad because the women in the book were scary to me. But the writing, man, it was really good.

In the library I usually have about 10 seconds to choose a book. The kids and I usually pick out books for them and then head over to the "grownup" section. The new books are right near the children's section, so I scan the stacks and grab one or two books before my two kids start to climb up the bookcases. The oldies don't take kindly to little monkeys disturbing their browsing in the "Large Print" section. I know... I worked in the library (loved it!) in high school and those seniors can get downright bitchy if children run wild.

This past trip I grabbed two books. I started the first one a few nights ago and it is painful. I won't name names -- as I said above, who am I to say a published writer (this one is a first novel) is crappy? It's like watching a stiff teenager "acting" in a play. You want to turn away, but you feel you owe them some respect.
I don't know if I'll be able to finish this one, but I'm sure going to try. The crazy thing about this book is that some of the writing looks very familiar. I scanned some of my own journals and noticed that, yes, I am that bad. Time to read some more quality books and see if that will help my own writing improve. I'm also about to start an online course to help improve my writing and hopefully get some criticism. I've never taken an online writing class before, so wish me luck!

He is my son

I have seen the movie Iron Giant so many times, and I cannot stop myself from crying every single time. I am a very emotional person and cry when I hear a sad song, see a sad movie, or hear a sad story. The waterworks are always waiting to be turned on.
My son is so much like me -- he is super sensitive.

I have sung to my kids since they were born. I sing the songs my mom sang to me as a child. Two songs that used to be in the loop were "Molly Malone" and "You Are My Sunshine". Lucas has not allowed me to sing these songs since he was old enough to protest... "too sad, mommy."
My kids are now sharing a bedroom and the other night Amanda requested "Molly Malone". Lucas said, "No." She then requested "You Are My Sunshine" so I sang.
After the song was finished, I noticed my son was hiding under his blanket. I peeked under and asked if he was OK and the waterworks started. He was so, so sad. The song just brought him to tears. I better not bring out Danny Boy -- that was banned about two years ago.

Unlike my son, I do enjoy a good sad song and the tears that go along with it. I'd be right at home in an Irish pub listening to a sorrowful song while the whole place is brought to tears.

He won't do that again

I guess it is one of those lessons that my son really wanted to find out for himself. He just didn't believe my husband or myself. Granted, he doesn't see the iron very often because I could theoretically work in my pajamas so I don't really own many clothes that require anything more than prompt removal from the dryer. I do have one pair of pants that like to wrinkle if you even threaten to wash them. I decided to wear them to a BBQ yesterday afternoon, which meant I would have to iron them. Out came the ironing board and iron. Son said he wanted to sit on my bed and watch me de-wrinkle my pants. I said that was fine. He kept asking if the iron was hot, and how hot is the iron, and on and on. I told him he needed to stay away from it because it is very, very hot and could badly hurt him.
My husband entered the room and we started to talk while I toiled. My son got off the bed and asked again how hot the iron was (I'm going to take him to the doctor Monday to test for brain damange) and my husband and I both said, it's very hot, just don't touch it -- we were both getting a little annoyed. The kid, didn't seem to believe us because he made like he was going to walk out of the room and then he quickly backtracked and held out his hand and grabbed the iron before I could stop him.
Of course, there was much screaming. I know it must have hurt like hell and he definitely wasn't expecting pain like that. We held off on the lectures and raced him to the kitchen to put his hand under cold water. However, since we have a flat roof and our pipes are on the roof, there was no freakin cold water coming out of the faucet -- it takes a few minutes.
I grabbed some ice cubes, threw them in a pick cup of water and put his hand in there.
It wasn't a bad burn.. but it did leave a little blister and hopefully a painful memory for the child.

Goodbye Hal Fishman

I woke up this morning to sad news.... Hal Fishman passed away early this morning. Hal was already in his "Golden Years" by the time I really started watching the news. I think that I thought he would always be there, he'd would continue to read the 10 o'clock news even after I grew old. I didn't know Mr. Fishman, but he was a constantly in my living room. Phil and I loved watching him, and sometimes poking a bit of fun at him. I always imagined him as a really smart, nice guy and I often wondered why he decided to stay in local news for so many years.
My wonderful uncle, who died a decade ago, told me stories of having Hal Fishman as his political science professor... I was always amazed and could never figure out how old Hal Fishman really was. I mean, he was teaching my Uncle political science way back in the day and he'd been on the news as long as I could remember. I never thought to look up his age, it didn't really matter. It just mattered that this friendly face would always be invited into my house via the tv.

I'll miss Hal Fishman. There isn't really anyone like him in news that I can think of.

Ralph Nader flick and Ode To My Legs

Husband and I sat down and actually watched a whole movie together last night. I didn't get up a hundred times to clean something and I wasn't working on my laptop as I usually do when I "watch" a movie. Netflix delivered "An Unreasonable Man" to our house and we loved it. Well... as much as you can love a documentary. The movie was really interesting and I felt even more warm towards Nader than I did before I watched the film.
I also felt even colder toward Michael Moore than I did before. I think the first words out of my mouth after we turned off the movie were "Michael Moore is a total motherfucker" (excuse my language).
Anyway, I recommend renting it.

Ode To My Legs
Legs, legs, what are you doing to me?
In the shower I looked behind my knee and I moaned, but I'm only thirty-three!

A tiny patch of spider veins stared at me with angry red eyes

Legs, we've been through so much
How can you turn on me like this, after all I've done for you
I've tried to keep you trim and keep you out of the sun
The waxing, the shaving, the self-tanning lotion
This is how you repay me

If that's how you feel, I'm going to kick your ass on the treadmill tonight
Watch out legs, I'm going to bring on the pain

Sibling retreat

What I really mean is Sibling Drinkfest!
Saturday night was the first annual McDonald Sibling Bash. I kicked my husband and kids out of the house and instructed my six siblings to head over to the Crouse Haus for dinner and a slumber party -- no spouses or kids allowed! No one objected to the rules and everyone showed up around 4 p.m. My siblings range in age from 29 to 42 -- I'm #6. We see each other often because we live in close proximity. However, I can't remember ever having just the 7 of us alone.

I threw some steaks on the BBQ and they turned out great -- it was my first solo bbq moment and I took pride in it. We use charcoal... no gas here. We are of Irish ancestry, so the drinks were flowing. The talk spanned children, work, politics and religion. The 5 older siblings are definitely bent toward the right, while my younger sister and myself find ourselves looking at them inquisitively from the left. It makes for interesting conversation. There's lots of teasing from both sides, but I think we all can appreciate the different ways in which we view the world. My brother, Pat, who biked 50 miles from his place in Valenica to my pad, was the first to go down... about midnight. I followed at about 1 a.m., but I heard much chattering going on outside. Apparently 3 of my siblings lasted until 4 or 4:30 in the morning! I'm so happy to have such a big and boisterous family. Others might call us obnoxious when we are all together, but we all still talk to each other and care about one another.

I took a bunch of pics that night and a common theme seemed to be the extension of the middle finger. It was like... kids gone, sailor mouth comes out and rude behavior abounds. Hey, it's fun to act like a "carny" every once-in-a-while.


Katie, Joe, John-boy and Balz (note Balz flipping me the bird)


Pat, Joe and Balz -- note the fingers


I do not remember getting up on a chair.



John-boy


Pat and Tom not giving me the finger for once


First man down always gets fucked with.

Moon Sand Rocks!

I went to the local school supply store with the kids today to pick up some fun workbooks and stickers for Lucas. As I was checking out, we noticed this cool sandbox... it had what appeared to be sticky sand and some molds. I'm in the store often and the woman gave me a good deal on the kit and it seems to be well worth the money. The kit comes with 5 pounds of Moon Sand -- sand acts like wet sand so it is easy to mold, but it never dries out -- a big plastic bin that you use to keep the sand contained, and a bunch of molds.
The kids spent over an hour today playing with the stuff. They can make a castle, all sorts of shapes and destroy each other's creations. The mess was minimal... I found that if I put a plastic tablecloth under the kids' table, I could just dump the sand back in the box when they were done playing. I'm always happy to find a product that isn't a piece of junk, which is difficult to do these days. Moon Sand seems like it will entertain the kids for a good period of time and they like playing with it together. I've been having trouble finding things that both the kids can work on together since my daughter is a bit young for most of the things that son wants to play.
The kit I purchased looks like the one at:
http://deltaplaysand.com/?gclid=CMbtkbXLyY0CFRY9YQodVUs7HA

Awesome day without the nanny!

All I can say is today was the type of day I dream about when faced with watching four children and trying to get a bit of work done. I won't go through the play by play, although I'd like to because we did so much shit and the kids were so into everything I had planned for the day.
One moment really made me sit back and say, "yeah, this is what it is all about". I filled a big storage tub up with water and told the kids they could dip water cans in it and water my dying plants. I headed into the kitchen (I could see them from the window) to clean up the lunch mess... I looked up after about 2 minutes and I saw three of the four sitting in the tub fully clothed. They were singing and laughing and having a blast. Boy cousin was singing some "hot tub" song and all afternoon he kept talking about going in the hot tub.
I grabbed my new camera, which is awesome, and took some pics and some video. I want to savor that fun moment.

Bending the rules

My youngest is a true hater. She'll turn on you in an instant -- one minute you're her favorite person and then next minute she'll look you straight in the eye and say, "I really, really hate you!"
I don't know where she came up with all this hate stuff; she's not in preschool yet and has limited interaction with children other than her brother and cousins. In any case, it's been hate, hate, hate around the house lately. I tried to ignore it at first, but it is really beginning to annoy me -- I don't remember being so hateful when I was young. I made a rule that she gets a warning about using this word and she is encouraged to find other ways to express her feelings. If she ignores the warning she gets a time-out.

Miss smarty-pants has found a way around this rule. Yesterday I heard her telling her brother, "Lucas, I bate you. I really bate you." I asked son what the heck she was talking about. He said, "Oh mom, she means that she hates me." The little trickster isn't saying the forbidden word, but we know what she means. Can I punish her for using replacement words? Like if she starts saying "pit" instead of shit, do I punish her.... I mean, pit is a legitimate word. Should she be given brownie points for being creative:)
BTW, she hasn't busted out the "s" word yet. I try really hard to keep myself in check -- unchecked I curse like a sailor.

What's a nanny for?

What should nanny duties include? Are they employed simply to entertain children and then leave a path of destruction for the ass-tired parent?

Just wondering. I'm not good at this employing someone thing and I think I'm working way more now that I have the p/t nanny -- gotta make sure I have easy food to fix for snacks and lunches (not to mention food for her to eat). I feel like I'm often guiding her in what activities to play with the children or pushing her out the door to go for a walk. And nanny doesn't put toys away after they have been played with.
Kids love her, though!

Man... I don't think I can take it much more.

PS I Love You '07

I'm back to reality. I missed the kids, but I really, really enjoyed 4 days of doing as little as possible. My husband and I met a group of friends in Palm Springs for 4 days -- yes, it is 110 there in July, but we rented a house that had a pool and we parked our butts in it (oh yeah... the pool had umbrellas in it, so you didn't have to get sun while getting cooled off).
The girls all headed out one afternoon for a massage (the massuese beat the shit out of me!) and another afternoon we headed to the ghosttown (that's what it feels like in summer) and had a cocktail and bite to eat. Other than that, we didn't leave the house. We slept in, watched movies when it was just too damn hot and we ate like kings (my friends are all amazing cooks) and drank like fish. We swam naked and read a ton of trashy magazines that I would be embarrased to be seen with... let's just say that there were a lot of pictures of young famous people I have never heard of. But there is something fun about just looking at magazines filled with beautiful people who have more money than I do.
Husband and I had a chance to just chill and laugh with each other... something that hasn't been happening all that often around the Crouse Haus. We were once best pals and cracked each other up. He still makes me lose my shit... but I've been a total grump for the last few months and I don't think I'm making him laugh nearly as much as he does me.
In any case, if you have kids I highly recommend an occasional escape. The kids had a total blast with my husband's parents so we felt no guilt. I did need a "mama's little helper" for the drive out to PS because I was sure we were going to die in a car crash and leave our children orphans.

Mahalo and Diving Board Revisited

We dusted off some of our Laurie Berkner CDs recently and put them back in the car playlist.
One of Luc's current favorites is "Mahalo". When I snuck into his room during his nap the other day he woke up and said, "Mommy, do you know what Mahalo means?" I said, "Yes, do you?" He told me that it means thank you in Hawaii. He then said, "Mommy, do you know what I'm thinking of?" I told him to tell me. "I'm thinking Mahalo for my family." I was so glad I decided to take a few minutes off work and go have a bit of quiet time with him.

Yesterday was day 5 of swim lessons. On Monday son watched all his classmates go off the diving board again and he again jumped off the side of the pool instead. But after class he said, "Mommy, I'm going to jump off the diving board tomorrow." Cool, I said. He did it!!!! He wasn't nervous, it just seemed that he had to watch all his classmates do it a few times before he was sure it would be OK.

4th of July, one kid and first goal

It was a very mellow Crouse Haus 4th of July this year. We decided to relax at our own place for most of the day, only venturing out for a couple of hours to take the kids to see Ratatouille. Late in the day we dusted off the BBQ and grilled up some burgers and veggie burgers for my mom and sister and then we ventured onto the roof to watch the fireworks that were exploding a mile away. My daughter and I didn't get to join the group on the roof this year because she decided she was scared. I decided to humor her because I used to be that kid. My son was freaked out by fireworks when he was 2.5 but this year he really enjoyed the show -- I hope daughter grows out of her fear.

Just when my son thought his life couldn't get much better (after a night spent on the roof watching things explode in the sky), my older sister called us to say she and her daughter had headed North from P.V. to stay in a local hotel. Friday she came and picked up my son and he had a funfilled day swimming in the pool, eating lunch out, sharing horsdourves with his cousins and then enjoying room service while he lounged in bed and watched Deadliest Catch (which he apparently now loves!). While our son was busy being pampered my husband and I got a chance to hang out with our daughter. It's been 2.5 years since we had an only child. Damn, is it easy! I don't mean that to sound like a jerk, but when we had just one child, we didn't appreciate how much less complicated life was. It's easy to deal with the occasional meltdown of one 2 year old when you don't have another monkey trying to kill himself by jumping off the dining room table. Or potty training... potty training my son was a breeze. With daughter part of the difficulty comes from the fact that we are out doing a lot of things for our son or he needs help with something and I can't spend all day in the bathroom with daughter like I did with our son. Our daughter will officially be 2.5 next week and we are almost there with potty training... God, I can't wait! In any case, it was nice getting to play tea party or doll house with daughter without son's toy robots coming and destroying everything.

This morning my sis dropped off son and we immediately headed out to his first soccer class of the year. We attempted it last summer and he had absolutely no interest. He would take off running across the park last year and asking him to pay attention to the instructor was futile. This year something clicked. He really enjoyed himself. Towards the end of the class they played a little scrimage game and son scored the first goal.. it was kickass. I cheered for all the kids, but my heart warmed a bit more when son made his move and broke away from the pack to score the goal. Good Times:)

Only 5 more days until we leave for our annual "friends" trip. It's an annual trip for a group of friends my husband has known since grade school. We missed the last two years so we are so looking forward to this trip. It's a no kids allowed vacay-- although that only affects husband and I and one other couple. Drinks flow from morning 'til night and we try to accomplish little besides getting caught up with each other and recharging our brains. We're almost at the age where this thing is starting to seem like "The Big Chill".

The Diving Board

My son has come a long way in two years. Two summers ago Thursday afternoons were spent listening to my 2.5 year old scream in terror as he took his first swim lessons. We lasted 12 lessons (and $300) before I finally decided to stop torturing him. Shit... it took three years before we could get through baths without screams. The kid hated water anywhere near his face. Last summer I went the cheap route and enrolled him in the swim program through the parks department. The lessons were every day and he slowly got used to the idea of getting a few drops of water on his sweet face.
On our recent vacation there was a pool in the hotel and my little boy has come so far from even last summer. Husband was throwing him across the pool and he was loving it! He put his face in the water to blow bubbles. Yippee!

Yesterday was the first lesson in the parks dept. summer swim class. He's graduated to the next level and is in the big pool. He did awesome in class -- one eye was watching my 2.5 year old in the kiddie pool and the other eye was proudly watching son dog-paddle out to his instructor.
Towards the end of the session son's class got out of the water and I wondered what was up. Then I saw the tiny swimmers heading toward the diving board! I immediately felt the fear I had when I was a new swimmer and my teacher would lead us the the board. I was petrified. As I watched my son, there was a pit in my stomach and I kept saying to myself, "please jump. Don't let the fear get to you, kid!" His three classmates all jumped before him. They all walked slowly to the edge, pondered their options and then bravely jumped into their teacher's arms. I watched son go up the ladder and walk out to the edge. For a second I thought he was going to do it. I thought... "the kid is going to do it, you were wrong to project your fears onto him." But he made a mistake... he thought about it. It was over. He looked down at his instructor, looked at the pool, and turned around and climbed back down the ladder.
Damn! Son is usually quite brave with things like this. He'll jump from very high places at the playground and he goes on any roller coaster that he is tall enough for.

Our goal is to do the jump before the end of this swim session in two weeks. I just don't want him to end up with the same fears that I had -- fears that stopped me from doing things that I should have been able to do. I know he'll do it, though. Look how far he's come in 2 years. And if he doesn't? Well, he's got a very understanding mom.

Why I don't like DIY and water balloons (WTF?)

I've been sprucing up the kids' bathroom for about 2 months now. It's a minor paint and sanding job, but it is taking so much longer than I anticipated. Before I had kids, I enjoyed painting and home improvement. That's not to say I'm good at it. I lack the design gene that most women take for granted and inevitably I have the wrong tools or supplies for the job I've decided to take on. Today, for instance, I was sidetracked by an hour trying to remove the screws from the godd#$n toilet paper roll that was attached to the vanity. I started a couple of months back by sanding the baseboards and putting a few coats of paint. Done. Primed the walls and painted them yellow. The color wasn't exactly what I wanted, but once it was on, I wasn't about to do it over. Painting the vanity is taking much longer. It's probably from the 70's or 80's and is oak or something. The color was very dark. Today was spent sanding, sanding, sanding. Then I moved on to the primer. Thank goodness for the heat because that dried quickly. I'm currently waiting for the second coat of paint to dry so I can put the third (hopefully final) coat of paint and hit the hay. Husband doesn't partake in my home improvement adventures because he is pretty much happy with how things are. A home not updated since the 70's, fine by him.
Why do I now hate DIY when in the past it didn't bother me? The kids. I basically missed out on spending more than a few minutes with them today. If I had the cash, I would hire someone to do all this shit in a second. As much as I complain about the little buggers, I want to hang out with them and I feel guilty as sin when I don't. I'll post some pics when everything is put back in place. It's not fabulous, but it's a $150 bathroom remodel! I don't have before pics, but I'll post pics of the ugly master bath because it has the same vanity and baseboards. The master
bathroom is next unless my husband stops me.

I took a brief break this afternoon to play outside with the family. My husband had filled up a bunch of water balloons for the kids to throw at us. Not one of them freakin broke on a body! WTF? I remember having awesome water balloon fights with my siblings and friends long ago. Those things almost always broke, unless some jacky made really small balloons and hucked them at you with the intention of inflicting pain. My husband and I tried throwing the balloons at eachother today and we couldn't get them to break. My husband has a mean curve ball and the darn things just left red marks on my legs and then broke on the ground. The kids didn't care... they just loved watching the ballons break on the grass. I'm going to have to investigate the best way to prepare water balloons these days.

Last night my husband and I attended a memorial for one of his patients. I only met Gary a few times and by the time I met him, his ALS had robbed him of the ability to speak too clearly. But I felt I really knew him because my husband always talked about him. Gary gave us his lawn mower 5 years ago when we bought our first house. He was so, so young, and had a very young family. From the turnout at the memorial, I'm even more sure he was an amazing person. My husband treated him for about 7 years. He just stopped by to see Gary about 2 weeks ago and told me about the visit. He said Gary seemed to be doing well. While we were on our vacation he apparently took a turn for the worst and the day Phil got back into his office he got the word that Gary had passed. We walked the ALS walk a couple of years ago (husband has done it a few times). It is a heinous disease with no cure. Attending the memorial was so emotional. Seeing his beautiful, young family touched me. I better appreciate all that I do have, now. I am constantly seeing the glass as half empty lately. I'm determined to fill up that glass.

http://webgla.alsa.org/site/PageServer?pagename=GLA_homepage